It is Super Bowl Sunday. My team (go Vikings!) did not make it this year so I am stuck rooting for the Packers.....as it would be unthinkable to even acknowledge the Steelers (in my head any way)....walking away with Super Bowl rings.
Yesterday was another ER day where we got there at 9:30 a.m. and didn't get to leave until almost 4 p.m. If it sounds like I am complaining.....I am really not. When we got there....I was really afraid we were dealing with a shunt malfunction (something I wouldn't wish on anyone), so they took us in immediately. There was already a waiting room full of what appeared to be REALLY sick people, but since a shunt malfunction can be life threatening, David was moved ahead of everyone. Luckily we found out that all looked good with the CT so apparently we were just dealing with seizures yet again. Unfortunately with the amount of sick and injured people in the ER and the trauma's that arrived while we were there, once in the back....we simply had to wait for a doctor.....and wait for blood work.....and wait for a CT scan....and wait for results. It all took a lot of time. Luckily....we were not admitted to the 5th floor this time and were free to head home and grab David some chicken nuggets on the way. I myself did not give into the temptation (even though it would have been quite easy as tired as I was). The rest of the day was pretty much a wash with me doing as little as possible.
I know by now you usually have heard about whether the scales were kind to me or not at my weigh in....but last week I had an appt. so I was not able to attend the meeting. I could easily have weighed in at home...especially when I did pretty good with my points all week, so I figured there would have been at least a little loss. But NO....I refused to do it. The only place I feel comfortable weighing is at the meetings....so I left the big reveal for my next meeting. Even without this weeks weigh in accountability....I have been extra vigilant on my points and avoided the stress eating....so hopefully I will have a nice surprise come Thursday. That is if I can keep the emotional eating to a minimum. Today is a struggle.
Why am I struggling today? No....not because I won't be seeing my glorious Vikings in the biggest football game of the year. Nor is it because my house if full of Super Bowl goodies just waiting to be devoured (because except for a WW chocolate ice cream bar) there is no junk food in the house currently. No....my emotional struggle has to do with tomorrow and the week to come.
I hate the mammogram process. First of all....they are painful. There is nothing like having something the size of a grapefruit squeezed down to the size of a grape....just so you can take a picture of it. Second....it never fails...they always make me go sit down after the test and then call me back because the films either have a shadow on them or they didn't come out clear because I moved. Heck yes I moved. It ain't easy to hold your breath, get pinched by a vice grip and hold perfectly still all at the same time. Finally....apparently it takes a radiologist a full week to read the results and then fax them to my dr. so I get to sit and worry that possibly this time I didn't dodge the bullet. Every 6 months I go through this....and every six months I have at least a week where my heart stops every time I see a commercial for Cancer Centers of America or every time someone even mentions the "C" word.
Needless to say....I am stressed. After two days of David's seizures and then a mammogram tomorrow...I would "emotionally" love nothing more than a Hot Rod Burger with onion rings and a cheesecake for dessert. Luckily I am currently self aware enough to know that I am searching for comfort and that food is not the comfort I need. The comfort I need is a good medical report. Or at the very least a report that says......lucky for you....we caught it early! Thank God for monthly breast exams!
Back to realizations and how I and God agreed I would handle 2011. I simply have to let go and have faith. I can't change the fact that the Vikings didn't even come close to the Super Bowl....nor do I have control over the family history I have that just oozes with cancer. I can however be grateful that I am not writing this on the 5th floor of Wesley waiting for my son to come out of surgery. I can be glad that I can watch the Packers beat the Steelers on a decent size tv screen (the hospitals suck). I can stay pro-active and preventive in my health care and know that if something is found....it is found early and thus will be treatable. And most of all....I can eat a WW ice cream bar and enjoy the biggest football game of the year with the boys I love.....knowing the next time I weigh in I won't be cursing myself for Super Bowl over-indulgence. These are all good things.
Okay....I will be fine. I will ask for good thoughts and prayers as the nerves are still a bit shaky...but I do believe....that this time next week...all will be well. So I will end this by saying.....Go Packers! I hate Cancer! And thanks in advance for the prayers!