I am changing. I see it on the outside and I feel it on the inside. It is all part of the process and one might think that losing weight and getting healthy are nothing but rewards, but like with anything else, even this has its challenges. In the big scheme of things though, these challenges are so worth the end result.
I didn't post last week because quite honestly, I felt pretty crappy. Last week was our hometown celebration called Old Settlers. If you have watched the news, you might have heard that on the Friday night of Old Settlers, we (Mulvane, KS) had extreme slow moving storms that went through the area dropping anywhere from 7-9 inches of rain on us in just a couple of hours, which caused major flooding in our little town. We had 6 feet of water rushing through the downtown area and the area where we have the rides, concessions and vendors. People had to be helped out by boats and the destruction was pretty massive. Businesses as well as individuals lost a great deal. We are a close knit bunch though, and rather than let it get the town down, people jumped in and soon our little community will be good as new. That is just who we are.
Every year for Old Settlers, people come back to visit and those of us who still remain here, gather and we make it a huge party. A little water was not going to change that for us and this was my first "cheat" off THM since May 15th. While the temptation was there to eat everything in site, the reformed me kept thinking...."everything in moderation." I knew this was the best I was going to do this weekend so I wasn't going to fight it. Yes, there was cheesecake...full fat, full on carb and lots of sugar....chessecake. I did however, manage to keep it to one slice. Trust me, that was an amazing NSV for me. I snacked on chips, candy and things that haven't touched my lips in months BUT I tried very hard not to overdo it. I also kept in mind others talking about eating sugar after not eating it for awhile and it being very hard to get the sugar out of their system again. I certainly didn't want to have to start from ground zero again just because of one weekend. I could tell all weekend that my system was off and my body was definitely not happy with me, but I trudged ahead like a good little "cheater." The worst thing for me though, was the alcohol.
I am not a drinker for many reasons, but once a year, when everyone is in town and we celebrate Old Settlers I do enjoy drinking with my friends. Usually I know my limit and I never exceed it, but this year.....I did not take into account my current weight loss or the fact that my body was already functioning poorly because of the weekend festivities. I drank no more than I normally would have and it would likely not have affected me at all, but being down 25 lbs and not eating nearly as much as I usually do and eating all the wrong things, well.....it affected me! Let's just say that the toilet and I had some very close moments Saturday night. When Sunday morning rolled around, I really wanted to be angry with myself (especially because I felt so awful), but I decided beating myself up was not the answer. Instead I chose to use it as a learning experience and a cautionary tale of how to proceed in the future.
It did not help that due to the weekends festivities, I had also gained almost 2 lbs. Again though, forgiving myself the indiscretions of the weekend and learning from it were crucial. I was not going to let 3 days ruin all these weeks of hard work. After all, life is messy. It has cheats from time to time and they are fine as long as they don't become a habit! This was not going to be a habit!
Monday I jumped right back on THM and never looked back. Those 3 days did do a number on me and it was about Thursday before I was even beginning to feel normal again. I won't lie, food was a challenge last week. Luckily, the sugar I ingested didn't seem to give me any horrible cravings although, I did dream about Jif peanut butter a couple of times during the week. Go figure.
Even on the days when I had difficulty eating the things I should eat, I did make sure that I drank a lot of water and tons of Good Girl Moonshine (GGMS). The funny thing was, that suddenly my shorts and jeans started feeling a lot looser. I can now feel my ribs when I lay down and I am going to have to get rid of a lot of my shirts as they are starting to fall off me in some rather obscene ways. On the other side of the coin, I am also starting to see some rather unattractive saggy skin on my belly that I am not pleased with. I know this comes from a lack of exercise and muscle toning. Again it is all part of the process but it is also one of those challenges I was referring to. Needless to say, it was a weird week for me.
This morning when I stepped on the scale, I had lost the 2 pounds I gained plus another 6/10ths of a pound. I was good with that. I feel like I am back on track and ready for the next challenge which I will be starting Sept.1st.
The changes are coming. For me they feel like they have been slow but steady. I am ready for the next phase of my weight loss and it is becoming abundantly clear that muscle toning exercise along with fat burning exercise are crucial as I begin this new challenge. The thing is......life doesn't stop or slow down just because I am trying to become healthy, so I have to work eating right and exercising around the craziness that is my life. I also have to remember that life is not perfect and I am not perfect. There will be those cheat moments and they are fine....as long as I remember that they are moments and not bad habits returning.
The next few months are going to be a test of my ability to stick with THM and my desire to truly change my health. We are going into fall and the holidays and they are tricky for most of us. We will get to see if I really think I am worth it or not. I have every faith that I will do fine and whats more, I am learning so much about myself and how strong I am.
Yes, even positive changes hold challenges. It is all part of life, but the changes I am making are for me and ultimately, those who love me. Wait! Did you hear it? I can almost hear David Bowie in the background singing....."Ch ch ch ch changes!"