tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-54808268016421959042024-03-05T13:42:22.745-06:00Do I Look Like a Celery Kind of Girl?Lisa Jacques Elamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09436627482635590384noreply@blogger.comBlogger147125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5480826801642195904.post-37852874172360994442022-05-04T12:24:00.000-05:002022-05-04T12:24:05.005-05:00Smoke 'em if You Got 'em<p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglx1ezpL5nTZtwsLbUUXREZk9d0sEHZmvHAja7x2zuLkfkvO89VSLVjpOrjQn9bKMyaAGzXCHlDuOCiR3QDuBGOQ0SxofRrE_GSAvM_CyuvvUgI2VskbEgSLTwe6bjyZMI4jkjaSPU6rBmEwISe4b4y44L_-A0xFqm3ysYyGPgZ9GUjEj-PjvMEBKpeg/s500/Camel-MoreDoctors.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="500" data-original-width="390" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglx1ezpL5nTZtwsLbUUXREZk9d0sEHZmvHAja7x2zuLkfkvO89VSLVjpOrjQn9bKMyaAGzXCHlDuOCiR3QDuBGOQ0SxofRrE_GSAvM_CyuvvUgI2VskbEgSLTwe6bjyZMI4jkjaSPU6rBmEwISe4b4y44L_-A0xFqm3ysYyGPgZ9GUjEj-PjvMEBKpeg/s320/Camel-MoreDoctors.jpg" width="250" /></a></div><br /><p></p><p>Well, it is raining and storming and it just seems like a good day to continue on with the story. Also, thank you to those who read the first installment and commented. Writers and bloggers are a greedy sort who get their self-worth from their readers and the opinions of their writing from said readers. Not really...<i>.but sometimes</i>. So onto our story. </p><p>In order to understand me and my story, first, you must understand my mother and her story. I never realized it so much growing up as I do now. My mom and I were so much alike, that at times it tore us apart. To this day though, even all these years after her passing, sometimes I open my mouth and her words fall out or I do something, and it's as if she was the driving force behind it. I guess many mothers and daughters are like that. So when I say, she created me and formed many of my ideas about life, living, and even dying, I am really not kidding. </p><p>Today I am going to talk not so much about genetics but more about societal norms, what we are taught, what we believe, and what can seem good and turn out very bad. None of us are immune to this and all of us have likely experienced some form of getting caught up in craziness served up as societal norms. So imagine it being 1954. My mom had just graduated from a small Oklahoma high school in a town that barely held a thousand people. Mom had played basketball all through junior high and high school and was pretty darn good at it. (Let me just interject here that I got <b>NONE </b>of her athleticism). She was an amazing dancer too. That gene also bypassed me. </p><p>Along with her prowess on the basketball court, she was also homecoming queen, and to quote her own words, she thought she was<i> a pretty big deal </i>in her town, not because of her athletic skills, but because she was Ray Dougherty's daughter. This translated into, my mother idolizing her dad and thus assuming the rest of the world did too (to be fair, many that knew him did), so this somehow elevated her status in not only her school and town but also the world as far as she was concerned. </p><p>Being the youngest of eleven, Mom was of course spoiled (by attention, not material things. They had no money for material things) and she was a bit of a rebel, which often did not bode well for her. So when she graduated in 1954, she was not going to be the girl who got married and immediately settled down and had kids. No, her aspirations were loftier than that. This may have been spurred on by the fact that as poor as they were, all of her older siblings (including the girls) either went onto college, nursing, the military, or some kind of certified training. Mom had no desire to go to college but nursing interested her, so fall of 1955, she was enrolled in St. Anthony's two-year RN nurses training. </p><p>Now Mom's impetuousness to be an adult and to do adult things was probably not her best feature at this point in her life. However, she was not alone in her desire to grow up and be a woman of the world. As Mom told it, nursing school back then was much different than it is now. There was some classroom work, but much of the training was on the job. In fact, at this point in time, they didn't even call it nursing school. It was called "nurses training" and a great deal had to be covered in that two years of training. Not only was classwork expected and in-hospital training, but they also were required to work shifts during all of this. Apparently falling asleep on your feet was not an uncommon activity among these overworked and underpaid young women. </p><p>Part of the training was that each nurse in training had to work in every department for a month to six weeks. This was everything from obstetrics to cardiac to ER and psych. It is here where I am going to let you know why at times I question the intelligence of the medical community. My mom was in a class of about 25 girls. When they began their psych rotation, not one of those girls had ever touched a cigarette. Six weeks later, all but two were smokers, and most became lifelong smokers. At one time before my mother died, she told me that she had already outlived most of her nursing class. It is just unfathomable.</p><p>So why were all these smokers created in a hospital of all places? Well, if you know anything about past history, smoking was considered a social norm well into the 1970s. The cool factor and <i>"health benefits"</i> were touted by models, actors, the media, and even the medical community. In fact, there was no place where you couldn't smoke, including in hospitals. So along with the social acceptance of it all, apparently psychologists and psychotherapists were of the mind that it was somehow therapeutic for patients in the psych ward to smoke on a regular basis as part of their therapy. It didn't stop there though. The therapy points were somehow really upped if the nurses smoked with the patients, so every time a patient smoked, the nurses would hear <i>"smoke 'em if you got 'em,"</i> and they were expected to smoke right along with the patients. </p><p>These poor girls were pack-a-day smokers before they even graduated. Along with what seems today like the sheer insanity of all of this, these girls were under extreme stress with their schedules and they learned that smoking was the cure for hunger, sleep deprivation, coping with their busy lives, and all the stress that accompanied all of their lives. Yes, these girls were not just physical smokers, in six weeks they had become emotional smokers too, completely dependent on menthol, tar, and nicotine to get them through their days, their stress, and in many cases, the rest of their lives. </p><p>Jump ahead to the 1960s. Yes, if you are wondering, she did smoke when she was pregnant with me. No one thought it was dangerous or destructive to do so. In fact, she was allowed to smoke while in labor. Let's not kid ourselves though, with the stress of being an unwed mother, trying to hide her indiscretion from her family, having all those that did know her situation begging her to give me up for adoption, and still having to work full time to keep food on the table, even if society had believed at the time that smoking was dangerous, she was so emotionally and physically attached to cigarettes that I doubt she could have taken nine months off of smoking, even if she tried. </p><p>From my first memories, I don't ever remember my mom not smoking. She smoked socially and at home. She smoked at the store, when she came to open house at my school, working in the yard, and sometimes even in her sleep. The fact that she never burned down our house was nothing short of a miracle. In fact, for most of my childhood, she was at least a two-three pack-a-day smoker. </p><p>Now here is another reason I question the medical field so often. Remember me telling you that my brother and I were both asthmatics? Well, Mom, as most smokers did back then, smoked in the house and in the car. I would be in the throes of an asthma attack and Mom would put me in the car, and run me to the doctor. On that car ride though, I would be wheezing and gasping for air and she would have the car windows up and be smoking the whole way. Once we got to the doctor, they would rush me into a room where both the doctor and my mother would be smoking and discussing <i><b>what might have instigated this attack</b></i>. What were they thinking? Today, I have scars on my lungs from all the asthma-related pneumonia I have had in my life and I struggle at times to remember that if a doctor thought it okay to smoke while I was having an asthma attack, why would my mom have thought she was doing anything wrong by doing the same? Sometimes it is hard to forgive the unforgivable. </p><p>By the time I hit junior high school, my mom had set a pretty firm example without even realizing it, that stress required self-medication, whether that was food or cigarettes. Cigarettes though were starting to get a pretty bad wrap among non-smokers and funny thing, the medical community was starting to change their tune on the <i>"health benefits"</i> of these little cancer sticks. No more were there commercials or ads promoting cigarettes and the American Cancer Society and the American Heart Association were creating big campaigns, warning us all of the long-term dangers of cigarettes. Even at school, we were starting to be educated on the health risks of smoking, albeit there were a lot of mixed messages for my generation as we were told in health class not to smoke and then the students went to the bathroom to have a cigarette and the teachers went to the teachers' lounge to do the same. Re-educating the world was a long and tedious process, mostly because of people like my mom. </p><p>When I would come home parroting what I was told at school about the dangers of smoking, it truly irritated my mom. If I brought literature home and ask her to read it, she would immediately file it in the kitchen trash without a single glance. She was invested in her smoking. It was a part of her and she was not about to listen to the medical community tell her cigarettes were dangerous and she shouldn't do it when that very same community was who introduced her to smoking in the first place. </p><p>As I got older and realized how much I hated her smoking, I would beg her to quit. I knew how much my mom loved me and my brother and I figured if I asked her to do it for us, she would not refuse me. What I didn't realize or understand at all, was that my mom was an addict. She was addicted to smoking and she couldn't stop at that point, although I do know that at times she tried. She and I would have terrible fights over her smoking and yet it always resulted in me giving up and her continuing to do as she had always done.....<i>smoke! </i></p><p>Eventually, I became a young adult, and try as the medical community might, they still had not totally erased the <i>"cool factor" </i>of smoking. My friends and I hung out at bars and when you drank you smoked. Because of my asthma though, I was never truly married to smoking and I did it exclusively with my friends. During this period though, I did try to blackmail my mom with my newfound <i>skill </i>and told her if she didn't stop smoking that I would start (she at the time didn't know I already had.) My mother, not one to be blackmailed and in no mood to stop when I was trying to strong-arm her, did a classic mom move and handed me a cigarette. I was stunned but not as stunned as she was when I lit it and smoked the entire thing in front of her. That little game though got us nowhere and didn't get either of us to change our views or our actions for quite some time to come. </p><p>My last cigarette happened the minute someone told me my breath smelled like an ashtray. My vanity was far greater than my desire to smoke. For Mom though, her lightbulb moment didn't come until she was diagnosed with her first cancer and after her surgery, her lung collapsed. At that point, she was smoking over four packs a day and upon going into the hospital she had every expectation to light up the moment the surgery was over. In fact, she had even snuck cigarettes into the hospital (they were a no-no in hospitals at this time and had been for quite a while). However, her lung collapsing scared her so badly that she left the hospital on the patch and never touched another cigarette again. </p><p>This woman was definitely a conundrum having such a strong addiction for so many years and unwittingly teaching us that life required self-medication with catchphrases like <i>"Cigarettes are the only enjoyment in my life"</i> (guess us kids and grandkids were a little lackluster next to her smokes), and <i>"Mind your own business. It's my life."</i> Suddenly though, she just stopped. I know it wasn't easy but the willpower she showed, even if it was fear-induced, taught me a great deal about commitment, strength, and the desire to do better when she finally knew better. </p><p>So how does this all affect who I am? <i>How does it not?</i> All the life lessons woven into the years of smoking, addiction, and all that went with it, left lasting impressions on me, both positive and negative, as well as physical consequences. My health was impaired because of it and her health was drastically changed for the worse because of it. </p><p>Knowing now what we know about smoking, we know that it likely caused major issues with her Lupus as well as helping her lung cancer along. Her battle with the addiction of smoking also taught me to be obsessive about certain things even if they aren't good for me. I learned to be wickedly stubborn, even if it wasn't to my benefit, but I also learned that my actions can at times affect my children negatively and I have to be careful so as to not give them lasting repercussions and even fatal consequences. </p><p>Please don't get me wrong though. My mom was more than just her smoking and I would not trade her at her worst or our relationship at its worst for anything. While I don't like to ever think of my mother as a victim, the truth is, she was at a very young age. She was a victim of misinformation and her own worst inclinations. She was also brave, fierce, loving, kind, wise, and smoking aside, a truly great mom. For better or worse, my life with her molded me and gave me both the positive and negative which I am still learning to navigate my way through. Perhaps if Mom had realized that she<i> really was a big deal</i> and the head-long rush and rebellion into the world weren't quite as necessary as she once thought, her path and choices might have been different and consequently so might mine have been. But then again, had things been different, I might not even be here today, so maybe everything does happen with a purpose and maybe that is why I am writing this today. </p><p><br /></p><p>(<i>The next installment is coming. I don't know when, but I promise not to disappoint. As always I welcome your comments and hope you get as much from reading this as I do from writing it. Until next time......</i>)</p><p><br /></p>Lisa Jacques Elamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09436627482635590384noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5480826801642195904.post-15348948445269727772022-05-03T14:38:00.001-05:002022-05-03T14:38:10.920-05:00The Creation of Me <p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkIbVz2U-t6ZMvs4DSH8W6aHiA9dBQb8Dm2wy3TQd_xx-6IjulTpRoWhToJ2eH7Ip74nR8OHtizyhOOlUHOJLd4CsV0LSbjN1ieIMoisNNMDk_58MXTQlWzvWdLiaRW03c2gHTOFv1qKntJrrDDkm5Lbq1IGejh1mL1DUwFupKZaICHSh4KBZAXCElSw/s311/creation.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="162" data-original-width="311" height="167" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkIbVz2U-t6ZMvs4DSH8W6aHiA9dBQb8Dm2wy3TQd_xx-6IjulTpRoWhToJ2eH7Ip74nR8OHtizyhOOlUHOJLd4CsV0LSbjN1ieIMoisNNMDk_58MXTQlWzvWdLiaRW03c2gHTOFv1qKntJrrDDkm5Lbq1IGejh1mL1DUwFupKZaICHSh4KBZAXCElSw/w320-h167/creation.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />I'm not exactly sure where this is going. I guess we will see when we get there. This morning my pathway to this blog piece was much clearer than it is right now, but that is what having to be interrupted by an IEP, two loads of laundry, dishes, and cleaning the house will do to a creative process as well as a mental plan. It's fine though. I will muddle through and take you along for the ride. <i>Shall we?</i><p></p><p>So let's go back to the beginning. In my best Sophia voice, <i>"Picture it. It was 1960's Wichita."</i> My mother was so thin, even after having me, her first baby, that she could almost blow away in a strong gust of Kansas wind. To look at her, she was thin and beautiful and you would think that she came from some pretty impressive genes. That would later prove to be incorrect...<i>for her anyway. </i></p><p>My mom was the youngest of 11 kids. They were all farm kids, full of unpasteurized cows milk, farm fresh eggs, garden-fresh fruits and veggies, their own home butchered meats, and not a processed item in any food they ate. Of course, there was also a fair amount of DDT, asbestos, and other farm chemicals floating around, that they had no idea would prove to be deadly later on, but at the time, except for some asthma and an aunt with a heart ailment due to rheumatic fever, they were a healthy bunch, but they had no idea what genes and environmental issues were doing to their bodies or what the outcomes might someday be. </p><p>My grandmother was a short woman at 4'11" who after all those births, held a little weight. My grandfather was a tall thin man reaching about 6'2" who never put on much weight his entire life. Grandma in her later years suffered from heart issues and strokes, most of which she fully recovered from, until her last one. The one that took her life. Grandpa also ended up with heart issues and this was what took his. </p><p>Their kids came in all shapes and sizes, my mom being 5'4" and the tallest girl to my aunt who like her mom, was also 4'11" and the boys ranged from about 5' 9" to about 6'2". In this mix of 11 kids, there turned out to be everything growing and mutating in their bodies from multiple forms of cancer, to lupus, to heart disease and aneurysms. Funny though, while some died as early as their early 60's, others hit their 90th birthday, and then some. We also learned that our family had a nasty little genetic mutation called the Lynch Syndrome Gene which is a cancer gene. If a parent has it, there is a 50/50 chance their children will also have it. It has wreaked quite a bit of havoc in my family as a whole and in my immediate family as my mom had it and it was believed to be the root of her four primary cancers throughout her body. She also had Lupus Erythematosis and with the combination of Lupus and all those cancers, it is a true miracle that she lived as long as she did. </p><p>So why this genetic history of my family? Because I am learning that genetics, environment, hormones, societal norms and views, emotions, physical activity and everyday habits <b>ALL</b> have a huge effect on who we are, our emotional and physical health, and how we look and feel about ourselves. Some of this we can control and some of it we can't, but sometimes what we can't control seems to overwhelm and confuse us to the point that it seems to outweigh what we can. </p><p>I have started this blog piece (or likely pieces) with my mom because she created me in more than one way. She created my very being, blessing me with the good, the bad, and the ugly of my genetic makeup, but she also created my eating habits, health habits, and my view of myself and my body. Don't get me wrong, my mom was an amazing mom, but like most women of our modern world, she too was not immune to magazine models, social persuasions, and the constant advertising of what the perfect woman should look and act like. So on that note, let's get back to the 1960s and my mom. </p><p>My mom was an RN and for a while, a single mom. Being a working woman AND a single mom in the 1960s were definitely not social norms so with both of them came a certain amount of stress. At that point in my mom's life, stress was better than any diet pill that could have ever been on the market. Where most of us eat our stress away, Mom dropped 10 pounds in three days when she was stressed. She simply couldn't eat at these times which meant that at 105 pounds on her 5'4" frame, she really couldn't get a whole lot thinner and not get sick. By this time, she had already been diagnosed with Lupus (something even most doctors at the time knew little if anything about) so throw that into the mix and while Mom had the appearance of the willowy thin Twiggyesque models of the time, her body was anything but healthy. </p><p>As the 1960s wore on, Mom got married, but it wasn't particularly a happy marriage and soon she was pregnant. The funny thing about Lupus and pregnancy is, that often the second you conceive, all of your symptoms go away. There is a small percentage of a chance that when the baby is delivered, the Lupus will go into remission. This was not the case for my mom. Her Lupus symptoms did in fact go away during her pregnancy, but her pregnancy was not particularly a pleasant one with all the things going on in her life and the stress took over. She lost tremendous weight and her health took a major hit and she got extremely sick with strep throat. The delivery was no picnic either as she had a reaction to the epidural which nearly killed her, the cord was wrapped around my brother's neck which nearly killed him, and the second she delivered, not only was the Lupus back, but it had affected her kidneys causing her to have Glameral Nephritis. Her kidneys were not good for the rest of her life. </p><p>So stress, Lupus, and an unhappy marriage not to mention two kids weighed heavily on my mom and it affected everything from her hormones to her emotional well-being, and her physical health. Through it all though, she tried hard to be a good mom and one thing she learned from her mom was to feed her family well. As a kid though, I don't remember food being a focal point in our life. Maybe it was because there was just too much else going on. In fact, I remember being a rather picky eater who made my parents crazy, as I could out-stubborn them every time when they insisted I eat a food I didn't like. <i>Flaked hominy</i> comes to mind and I, as a very young child would go on a days-long hunger strike before I would touch that icky stuff. Because of this, I was a pretty small child and I was just slightly underweight for the first few years of my life. </p><p>My brother and I were also asthmatics at a young age and allergic to many things in our environment. Often our asthma would send us both into all sorts of infections along with bronchitis and pneumonia, causing us to both be on a plethora of antibiotics and steroids. What doctors were thinking back then, I don't know, but changing our diets wasn't at the top of their lists. They treated it all with medications and some of those medications were tough on our little bodies. </p><p>In the early 1970s, my mom and dad were finally divorced but dad was still a fixture in our lives which I know was tough on my mom, as he was not particularly kind to her. It was at this time, two things happened in my life that changed my outlook on food and myself and that I have continued to struggle with throughout my life. </p><p>At this point in time, my mom was in her mid to late 30s and her hormones and body were starting to change. No longer did stress take the weight right off of her, but instead, it started causing her to gain weight. Part of it too was likely the fact that she became a foodie and spent a lot of time in the kitchen baking. It was also the dawn of fast food and often it was easier for mom to get pizza or burgers than it was for her to think about cooking a full meal. Suddenly our bodies were taking in a lot of carbs, fats, grease, processed food, and sugar that they hadn't before. This was also when diet Pepsi hit the market and we drank diet Pepsi like it was our job. Gone were the days of well-planned and balanced meals. They had been replaced by Mom's emotional eating and our newfound love of fast food, sugar, and artificial sugar. So that was thing one that changed me! </p><p>Thing two that changed my world was the fact that I was at that preteen stage of life where I was about to start my period and become a full-fledged teenager. My body held some baby fat, but it was no more or less than any girl at my stage of life, even with our newfound less-than-stellar eating habits. I was an active kid and left to my own devices, my body would have likely self-corrected and been perfectly fine, but Mom took me to a new pediatrician who had different ideas. He told my mom that I was on the heavy end of what I should weigh and that if I wasn't put on a diet right then, I would likely get fat. What was worse, he said it in front of me and fat-shamed me right there in his office. A part of me immediately shut down that day. No one I even knew was fat and yet this doctor had basically told me that I was headed down that path. I was devastated. I thought I must somehow be strange and defective. Now mind you, I was not fat and at 11 years old, that thought should never have been put in my head, but it was, and it was also put in my mom's head. She immediately felt like a failure mom for causing me to be fat (I am sure this was in part due to how she was feeling about her own body at the time) and I immediately lost all sense of my real self and saw myself only as this <i>fat</i> creature that the doctor had created in his office that day. Sadly, I have never looked at food or myself the same way since. If only that doctor knew the life-long damage he caused me that day and likely caused others just like me with his incorrect conjecture and his insensitive words. <i>If only. </i></p><p><br /></p><p>(<i>There is a story I am telling here and it will be continued in installments. This was the first installment and I hope that you will continue reading the future installments. I am thinking that some of you will see yourself in parts of this, learn as I am learning and before all is said and done, understand that true change is the only constant in our lives. Until next time.</i>) </p><p><br /></p>Lisa Jacques Elamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09436627482635590384noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5480826801642195904.post-81999515255262572582021-06-11T06:57:00.000-05:002021-06-11T06:57:03.864-05:00A New Adventure. A New Journey.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZawp9E-EoX78-A72jRBKdZdEf5pDzoyn67WEqpzdWNuEM2uizQXBcINmugyOWo_8YxLI8B6hURvLpNuCIFRbFg8tDkt0zGr6vYqCAt4lKa_p2mWc_EyhmBB2ZZFo81Q7owvOHxosiNGVT/s512/journey.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="287" data-original-width="512" height="224" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZawp9E-EoX78-A72jRBKdZdEf5pDzoyn67WEqpzdWNuEM2uizQXBcINmugyOWo_8YxLI8B6hURvLpNuCIFRbFg8tDkt0zGr6vYqCAt4lKa_p2mWc_EyhmBB2ZZFo81Q7owvOHxosiNGVT/w400-h224/journey.png" width="400" /></a></div><br /><p>I have had a love/hate relationship with this whole COVID experience since day one. So much of COVID sucked right down to the depths of hell, but like with all truly bad things, there is always also something good. In this case, <i>for me</i>, the good has been the changes in me. I guess the conclusion I have come to is, that if you try to lock me down and break my spirit, I will rebel like hell and find a part of me that I never even knew existed. <i>Take that COVID!</i></p><p>So many lessons have come out of the last 16 months for me, and one of the biggies was that I am far more competent and capable than I ever gave myself credit for. I am, for lack of a better phrase, <i>still very teachable</i>...even at my age. I also learned that I am worthy of at least as much care and effort as I give everyone else. <i>Imagine that! </i></p><p>Ultimately, I think I may have learned more about myself in this time period than I have in all the decades before. </p><p>Prior to this last year or so, I have not been someone who took myself very seriously. I was an afterthought, even to myself and I looked and felt like it. I also didn't push myself to do a lot of things, because I always felt that I wasn't smart enough or capable of enough. This came from years of being told that <i>I would never amount to anything</i> by my dad. I think it was because I was a girl, and he just didn't think very highly of girls/women. Because of this thinking, I quit things when they got too hard as I think I felt I would fail anyway. Rather than push ahead and try to find answers, I just felt I wasn't smart enough to make it to the finish line. I don't know that I was really okay with all of this, but I did settle for this outcome more times than I would like to think about. </p><p>This last year though, I challenged myself. Maybe it was because we were on lockdown and it was either challenge myself and learn, or die of a stagnant boredom. Since I haven't actually allowed myself to be bored since 1983, then learn and push ahead was my only practical choice. From this choice, I learned why for four decades my cookies had tasted like and had the consistency of sheetrock. I learned that the reason some of my past sewing projects didn't come out properly was not that I couldn't sew, but because I didn't take the time and/or have the patience to read the directions and sew properly. More importantly, though, I learned that taking care of myself was not the chore that I had always viewed it to be, but worth the time and effort I put in to make me feel better and in some cases make me feel more whole so that I was better for the people around me. This has been huge for me and I know that I am not alone in the difficulty (especially as a woman) of finding the desire and the energy to make myself a priority and to take care of myself. </p><p>This particular blog, <i>Do I Look Like a Celery Kind of Girl,</i> was originally started as a blog to talk about health and self-care, even if I couldn't frame the right words at the time. Unfortunately, over the years, it has been ground zero for a lot of false starts with big ambitions and very little long-term follow-through. Because of this, I decided if I ever started hitting the keyboard again for this particular blog, that it wouldn't be until I had something long-term to say with some real follow-through as the end game. I think COVID may have just given me all of that and more. It also made me realize that <i>long term</i> may just be overrated because quite honestly long term is not the same for all of us. </p><p>COVID and the year 2020 and the start of 2021, have put me on a journey like no other journey I have ever been on in all my years. Something was opened up inside of me that gave me a bit of childlike wonder, and a whole lot of desire to push myself and see just how far I could go. </p><p>I have never been big on limits in the big scheme of things (David taught me that) and yet in so many ways, I have limited myself over the years and I am working very hard to stop that. Life is very short and if we don't live it on our own terms, we will end up wasting it on someone else's. That is not the life I choose to live. </p><p>I am no longer tying myself to big ambitious goals that are usually too big to be attainable and when they fail, end up hanging over me like another missed opportunity. Instead, I am thinking and planning at best, no farther ahead than this summer and in most cases, no farther ahead than next week. This is going to give me opportunities to try things on the spur of the moment and rearrange things when something doesn't fit. My OCD where order and scheduling occur will simply have to make peace with a little bit of spontaneity, as I am allowing myself no guilt if time or situation doesn't allow for something, but I am also not allowing myself to give up, give in or quit anything I do start. </p><p>Moving forward, I am going to use this blog to the fullest extent and I am going to take you on the journey with me, that I started several months ago. I have no plans, very limited goals and the only thing I really know is that it is going to be about transforming me and ultimately, taking care of me, whatever that ends up looking like on any given day. </p><p>Perhaps one of the biggest lessons, to come from all of this is that life and health are a gift. For me, it is especially so, with all the genetic issues and illnesses my family possesses. I am 58 years old and before I know it, I will soon be hitting 60. Rather than see me and my body as winding down, I prefer to see myself and my body as entering an exciting new phase of life where I don't have any expectations and everything is a new chance at a new beginning. </p><p>So if you are like me, and ready for an adventure in life, then join me on this journey. I won't be blogging here every day, but when I do, I promise you that I will try to make it worth your read, and maybe together we will find a little joy, a little laughter, some new ideas on life, and some much-needed self-transformation. </p><p>Until next time, may you have no expectations, may you have no guilt, and may you push yourself farther than you ever dreamed possible. </p>Lisa Jacques Elamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09436627482635590384noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5480826801642195904.post-73812089883597100972021-06-02T06:19:00.000-05:002021-06-02T06:19:23.803-05:00Just Who Has Time for Self-Care Anyway?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrx1n-d1VGj8zazQ51LobqdhCV0lW2v7ywoPBNf57w89llYL271l5QY-Q8Z30MyglUI1WP_qfSyZrYDT84s9b7oYnFbdZtnh3gmJVMKpwjiv1e2PxH2j6pPdjLBG7-CYewSTW99mL99jCg/s2048/Self-Care-scaled.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1152" data-original-width="2048" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrx1n-d1VGj8zazQ51LobqdhCV0lW2v7ywoPBNf57w89llYL271l5QY-Q8Z30MyglUI1WP_qfSyZrYDT84s9b7oYnFbdZtnh3gmJVMKpwjiv1e2PxH2j6pPdjLBG7-CYewSTW99mL99jCg/s320/Self-Care-scaled.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><p><br /></p><p>Self-care! Self-care! And for those in the back...<b>SELF-CARE!!!!</b></p><p>So funny story, before I went to Al-Anon, I don't think I had ever really heard, or maybe more to the point paid attention to the term <i>"self-care." </i>Al-Anon however, is a huge proponent of self-care as taking care of ourselves is about the only thing we as individuals have control over. </p><p>As a mom, and maybe just a woman in general, I had never really thought much about self-care. Perhaps it was because women of my generation were at that fork in the road where we were choosing whether to be stay-at-home moms or being out in the workforce. If you were a stay-at-home mom, then your attention and care were all about your family. If you were in the workforce, then you had to work twice as hard to prove that you were just as good, therefore there was little time to focus on much else other than the work. If however, you had that "S" on your chest and decided to be both in the workforce <i>and a mom</i>, then your days were usually 25 hours long and each minute was consumed by something or someone else and there was zero time to even go to the bathroom, let alone do something special for yourself. </p><p>In my world, in particular, I spent all day every day, as a widowed mom, trying to be both mom and dad to my kids, and most days, feeling as if I had failed miserably in all areas. Add to that, taking care of a differently-abled child, cooking, cleaning, and at times holding down a job, and there were days that I was lucky to comb my hair, let alone practice anything that even remotely looked like self-care. </p><p>I remember a time when my life was so crazy and so hectic that I would go entire days and forget to eat, baby wipes were at times as close to a shower as I got and I was so worn out and tired that I actually fell asleep at the kitchen sink while I was doing dishes. Yeah, I came pretty low on the totem pole when it came to<i> care </i>of any kind and my life and demeanor showed it. </p><p>Later, as my kids got older, my dual parenting role turned into unadulterated control, and I was way too involved in my kids lives, doing too much for them, expecting too little from them, and focusing all my time and attention on <i>their</i> care.....or as they like to refer to it as my <i>smothering years</i>. </p><p>The biggest and suckiest part of that time period was that I truly felt like a martyr who was completely unappreciated for all the love and <i>misplaced</i> care I gave. Looking back though, I don't think I would have appreciated me as a mom either. </p><p>Not only had I become a self-proclaimed martyr, but I had also become a bit of a whiner to anyone who would listen to me. I was just so confused because I literally thought I was doing what I was supposed to do as a mother....<i><b>live for my children</b></i>, and I could not understand why instead of being grateful to have such an<i> amazing</i> mom as I surely had to be, that they were avoiding me like the plague and angry at me for just about everything....including my very existence. </p><p>It was one day, when I was mid-whine into one of my <i>poor-me</i> stories, that a very kind and yet very direct person, looked me straight in the eye and said, <i>"Lisa....get down off that damn cross. We need the wood."</i> It startled me into silence, and then it was kindly and directly explained to me that my kids couldn't stand me <i>at the moment</i>, because I had no life of my own. Every breath I took was for and about them and I had no identity other than being <i>their mom</i>. It was a realization that hit me like a brick right between the eyes. If I didn't totally immerse myself in the lives of my children and control their every move, then what was I supposed to do? I felt as if my <i>Mom Card</i> was being revoked.</p><p>Not long after this revelation, was when I started Al-Anon and was introduced to <i>self-care</i>. Hmmm.....it sounded fishy to me. No, it actually sounded <i>selfish </i>and not at all the way I was brought up or taught that a mom was to behave, and just who had time for this self-care nonsense anyway? Then another very kind and direct individual pointed out to me, that I had been doing it my way all of this time, and then they posed the question, <i>"How was my way working out for me?"</i> Well, that was just uncalled for! It made me mad clear down to my toes, and then it hit me, it wasn't working out well at all. </p><p>They then went on to point out that my care had turned into control and my control had become borderline insanity. Harsh, but not completely incorrect. It seemed that the more I tried to <strike>care for</strike> control my kids, the more they rebelled, and the more they rebelled, the more I tried to control them. The reality was that I only had control over one person and that was me, and outside of that, I was just a crazy woman who was pissing off everyone in my hemisphere. This is where self-care came into play. </p><p>It seemed that if I took care of myself putting the focus on me, and let those who were old enough to make their own decisions and deal with their own consequences do so, then my world might just start changing for the better. I was skeptical, but as was pointed out earlier, my way did not seem to be the tried and true winner that I thought it was. <i>Perhaps.....</i>I wasn't as wise as I had led myself to believe. <i>Who knew?</i></p><p>I remember the first time after that, when I said, <b>"No!"</b> when asked to do something that they could do for themselves. The initial reaction was utter shock on their part, but guess what? <i>They did it!</i> For me, it was a heady feeling of release and freedom. Next was the afternoon that I shut my bedroom door and.......<i>took a nap.</i> That's right. Their laundry be damned. It was the most glorious nap I had taken since my drooling Percocet nap after my hysterectomy. I was beginning to see the beautiful wisdom in this whole self-care thing. </p><p>Since that time, I have learned more and more to focus on myself and to take care of myself. This doesn't mean that I have completely abandoned my family, it just means that I have stepped back out of their lives and allowed them to succeed or fail on their own merits. They have learned that their failures are often as important as their successes and I am learning that they don't need me to fix things or clean up after them. This gives me a lot more time to find out who I am and what I like, <i>outside of meddling in my children's lives. </i></p><p>Of course, I still care for my differently-abled son, but even with him, my relationship has changed. I work hard to allow him to be as independent as his abilities allow, although sometimes I catch the crazy mom in me, trying to slip out and I have to shove her back in. Practicing self-care though has made me healthier, stronger, happier and in many ways a better mother (not mother and father) to my kids. </p><p>Over time I have learned a lot about myself and the things that make me happy. I have found that I like to mow the yard, sew and craziest of all.....<i>go to the gym.</i> I like to take the time needed for all those things to give myself a break from my daily life and to recharge both my body and my soul. In turn, giving myself those gems of time, makes me feel happier and more productive in the rest of my life. My kids I am sure, are much happier too, now that I have learned to stay in my own lane and it is much easier to stay in my lane when I know who I am and that whenever necessary, I am able to practice a little bit of good old <i>self-care.</i>💜</p><p>So until next time, may you never have to replace a shower with baby wipes, may you get to take a drool-worthy nap, and may you practice self-care every chance that you get. </p><p><br /></p><p><i><br /></i></p>Lisa Jacques Elamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09436627482635590384noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5480826801642195904.post-7528864823106319022021-05-26T06:57:00.000-05:002021-05-26T06:57:03.449-05:00Diets vs Programs<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjC9VENLeHK2T0WyJQrOtH-dNzW_Ln7xKbooU8ZdJnPB2rbgspJ8r_80lzNF6mwiZQSgCd7NOhKAttsrUOiqvbrrIXObXPN1pqIAUPkSxCD3uLCJTag1zEhF_g3EknpUS8xjyHXwNV8qSG/s275/diet.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="183" data-original-width="275" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjC9VENLeHK2T0WyJQrOtH-dNzW_Ln7xKbooU8ZdJnPB2rbgspJ8r_80lzNF6mwiZQSgCd7NOhKAttsrUOiqvbrrIXObXPN1pqIAUPkSxCD3uLCJTag1zEhF_g3EknpUS8xjyHXwNV8qSG/s0/diet.jpg" /></a></div><br /><i><br /></i><p></p><p><i>I hate diets but I want to be....skinny! Healthy! In shape!</i> We've all said it and yet for most of us, it seems to be an unwinnable battle complete with frustration and in many cases, further weight gain. <i>Arrrrrrggggghhhhhhh!!!!! </i> </p><p>Today's blog is a little bit about how we (especially women) tend to torture our bodies for the elusive gold star of perfection, only to find that the star isn't always so easily attainable and if we do get it, it isn't always as bright and shiny as we had hoped. It is also about the fact that we might be able to get on our way to being thinner, healthier, and in better shape without doing the whole <i>"diet" thing</i>. Are you intrigued?????? <i>Then keep reading!</i></p><p>To begin with.....over the course of the last 30 years, I have probably been on every diet known to man, not limited to, but including diet pills of various kinds. Where did it get me? In most cases.....nowhere. In a few cases, I was smack dab in the middle of an eating disorder and in other cases, downright physically sick. </p><p>So why did I or does anyone for that matter, do this to their bodies? <i>Because we want what we think the world wants from us and expects us to look like.</i> We want only one chin, the right size boobs, the right curves, and just enough junk in the trunk to fill out our favorite jeans. It really doesn't seem like that is asking too much, but then we find ourselves stress-eating an entire pizza at midnight and another chin just seems to drop on cue. We then realize that we are fighting a losing battle with all the things we want but can't seem to get.<b> We don't look the way we want to because we stress eat and we stress eat because we don't look the way we want to.</b> It is the very definition of frustration. </p><p>In my lifetime, the expectations of what women should look like have gone from the ridiculous and unachievable body curvature and measurements of Barbie to the pencil-thin Twiggyesque look. High-end fashion ads have promoted everything from no boobs to big boobs, no hips to fully rounded hips, and in my opinion their worst call ever.....the emaciated <i>heroin chic</i> where all the models looked like they had one foot in the grave. Now, what kind of message does that send to young kids who are already having body issues because of puberty, hormones, and just the awkwardness of adolescence and are looking to society to lead them to whatever the social norms are currently calling attractive and beautiful? I'll give you a hint. <i>It sends a bad one!</i></p><p>One day at the gym, I heard a young woman who was very small and attractive and also sweating her rear end off, make a comment that she wished she had lived back in the <i>olden days</i> when everyone was skinny and obesity didn't seem to be an issue. Instead though, here she was fighting every calorie just so she didn't gain a pound. Assuming her age was late 20something, I also assumed that olden days to her were just about anytime before the 1980s. To be fair, the 80s were in fact, a time of excess in everything, including food. So...... </p><p>Prior to the 80s though, people stayed fit and healthy because they worked all the time and their meal portions weren't as large as they are today. Fast food also wasn't nearly as prevalent therefore more meals were eaten at home and cooked fresh with little or no processed or prepackaged food. Also, prior to the 70s, more food was homecooked, so there were not as many chemicals and additives in our foods that can actually cause cravings and yes, even weight gain. Add to this, the fact that people seemed to be more active with the lack of technology that keeps most of us sitting on our butts, and the world may have been an overall healthier place....<i>in the olden days</i>. </p><p>Since the years of excess though, people, and women especially have done some truly crazy and unhealthy things with beauty and the perfect body as their goal. They have injected themselves with horse urine, starved themselves, taken laxatives by the handful, practiced binge eating and throwing it all up, taking speed (it was basically sold over the counter back in the day), and going to quack doctors with a diet pill side hustle. We were literally giving ourselves addictions and killing ourselves for some idea of perfection. Apparently getting healthy had nothing to do with it. All we were interested in was looking good in a bikini. </p><p>In the early 2000s obesity started rising at alarming rates and becoming not only unhealthy but one of the leading causes of death related to heart disease, diabetes, and even cancer. Sadly, it also started to become more acceptable, as society had a newfound love for people <i>loving their bodies</i>, regardless of how healthy they were. There was a definite belief going through the land, that if you couldn't or didn't want to put the effort into losing the weight, you might as well celebrate it...... <i>and celebrate we did.</i> Amidst the celebration though, people started ballooning up to 600 lbs and far beyond. They were getting so sick and they even lost their mobility and independence. It's hard to celebrate when a specially reinforced hospital bed, dependence on others to do even the smallest things for you, and bedsores are pretty much your life. </p><p>At this point, people started realizing that maybe they would never be what society touted as perfect, and more importantly, maybe it didn't matter. They could eat and still be healthy though. So they started looking at not just diets but tried and true <i>weight loss programs.</i> <b>Weight Watchers</b> was pretty much at the top of that list and it had a huge hand in the last few decades for turning people back to eating normal and being healthy. Then we started hearing from a new kid on the block, called <b>Trim Healthy Mama.</b> THM also started changing people's lives one meal at a time. </p><p>Honestly, with all the "diets" I have been on over the years, if a <i>diet</i> is what you are looking for, you literally are not going to find one with long-term weight loss results. Diets will only help you take the weight off, but you will always gain it back. WW and THM, on the other hand, are different as they are not diets but lifestyle changers and because of this, these two are the only two that I would put any faith in right now. </p><p>To compare and contrast the two, WW is by far the older of the two programs and through the years they have tweaked and refined the program to keep it up to date with our modern lifestyles. It will also cost you to be an official Weight Watcher, as there are weekly meetings, weigh-ins, and foods and materials if you choose to purchase them. They are all add ons to a program that could actually stand on its own without them. In all the years as a program, WW has had many long-term and even lifetime success stories of people losing the weight and keeping it off, because it was real food, prepared at home, and it taught people how to not only eat well but also to change how they viewed and ate food. </p><p>Trim Healthy Mama or THM on the other hand, (in my opinion) may have surpassed WW. Yes, there are $$ to be spent, as you really need to purchase at least the first THM book and maybe one of the cookbooks, but those are one-time purchases and there are no weekly fees and no weigh-ins in front of the world. The biggest difference between THM and WW though is that THM has many ways to work their "program" and there is a science of sorts behind how it all works. </p><p>With THM, it basically boils down to three meals and three snacks/day timed out at least three hours apart. In a meal or snack, you can either eat carbs or fats, but don't combine the two, and in a day, you should eat maybe two carb meals and a carb snack and two fat meals and a fat snack, or you can mix and match any way you want. Sugar is a big no-no as are pops, soda's or whatever you call them unless they are sweetened with stevia, xylitol, or erythritol. These are also the only sweeteners you can cook and bake with. Aspartame, sucralose, or any of those other highly chemicalized sweeteners are out the door. Another plus for THM is that you learn to make just about everything from fresh, therefore, you know exactly what is going into your food and your body. At first, this means a lot more time in the kitchen, but the majority of the recipes are easy, and as you learn to plan ahead and pre-prep, it becomes a lot less work and a lot more worth the effort. </p><p>In both programs, they are not considered true diets, as diets are <i>temporary</i> and not meant to be used long-term or past the time you lose your desired weight. This is also why diets don't tend to work in the long term, because in most cases, in a period of time, the weight comes back as we tend to find our way back to the eating that caused us to need a diet in the first place. However, with WW and THM, they are both considered lifestyle changers, meaning that by working these programs, you change how you see food, buy food, prepare food and eat food. The recipes in these programs are also good, family-friendly, and meals that can be carried out throughout the rest of your life. </p><p>In my opinion, both of these programs are so good because they teach you to not only take care of your body but to also make it healthier and learn to love it permanently. They also help you to have a completely different relationship with food and to pay attention to not only what you eat, but also what you buy. Diets just can't and don't do that.</p><p>So, now you may be thinking, <i>"Wow Lisa, that is a lot of information, but I am not sure I am ready to commit to a diet or a lifestyle change, so what can I do right now to lose ten pounds by Saturday?" </i></p><p>Well.....I have good news for you and bad news for you. The bad news is that short of doing something <b>very</b> unhealthy, there is really no magic wand that can be waved and make you lose ten pounds in two days. The good news though, is that if being healthy and preparing your body bit by bit for a positive lifestyle change is something you might like to do, then there are four things you can start doing right now. </p><p>1) Start drinking 48-64 ounces of water every day. This flushes impurities out of the body and is good for your skin, heart, kidneys, muscles, and colon. Yes, at first you will pee every 30 minutes, but by Friday, you may have lost some water weight. Drinking this much water every day is very good for your body both inside and out. </p><p>2) Start moving. I don't mean just housework or grocery shopping. I mean get out and walk for at least 30 minutes every day. Even if you can't walk a full half-hour, start with 10 minutes and work your way up. Walking is one of the healthiest ways to love your body. It gets you moving which gets your heart and blood pumping. It is good for your muscles and joints, not to mention your lungs and your heart. Who knows....you may drop a few pounds and start changing the shape of your body too?!</p><p>3) Right now!!! Drop that soda or diet soda and don't pick it or any variety of it, up again! That's right. Even "only" diet soda drinkers, tend to lose weight when they quit drinking diet soda. <i>Why?</i> Because the chemicals in diet soda can trigger sugar cravings that cause you to want and usually eat more sugary foods. So, <i><b>no</b></i> diet soda, and those cravings decrease by a lot. And of course, if you drink straight sugar soda and quit, think of all the sugar you are NOT putting into your body. It is a win/win. If you just absolutely have to drink diet soda, switch to one with stevia, xylitol, or erythritol, but nothing with the last letters "ame' or "ose" in it. If you just absolutely have to drink regular soda....<b>.<i>just don't.</i> </b>It is nothing but liquid sugar. Also, check out my blog <a href="https://cmom-toomuchinformation.blogspot.com/2021/05/soda-diet-soda-and-your-health.html">here</a> where I talked about Good Girl Moonshine. It is a THM gem of a drink and can help you drop the soda much quicker and much easier. </p><p>4) Finally, don't eat after 6 p.m. This is a must for people with acid reflux and by not eating after 6, it gives your food time to metabolize and not sit in your gut causing sleeplessness. Also, eating after 6 p.m. is linked to weight gain, something most of us are trying to avoid. </p><p>Well, there you have it. The four things you can start right now that don't commit you to a diet or a program but definitely give you a leg up to a healthier life.</p><p>So the lesson here is, <i>you don't have to look like anyone but you to be beautiful.</i> You do though, have to put some work in if you want to stay healthy and it doesn't matter if you weigh on the low end of the scale or the high end of the scale, the goal is to <i>always </i>strive to be healthy. The key is to treat yourself the same way you wish others would treat you. Love yourself. Show your body respect and do the maintenance it takes to keep yourself in top running performance. After all, aren't you worth it? I know I am!</p><p>Until next time, drink that water, walk that mile and always remember that you are so very worth it. </p>Lisa Jacques Elamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09436627482635590384noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5480826801642195904.post-28133084987241854352021-05-20T06:41:00.001-05:002021-05-20T06:47:17.636-05:00Soda, Diet Soda and Your Health<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjE5Wp6xA1au4Uu_O8emXpeOVP7UxjLpAbfpKmN5yEF0XHZah02ccp_4rN1LPLcx1HG6Z_pWZRw0SbFbR0_bHIFAZEsYJaxyRVB0SdtiRqhcdyYQEMnyDTa91dzFigu0YSMjv_dQmSZaQVX/s1500/diet+soda.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1007" data-original-width="1500" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjE5Wp6xA1au4Uu_O8emXpeOVP7UxjLpAbfpKmN5yEF0XHZah02ccp_4rN1LPLcx1HG6Z_pWZRw0SbFbR0_bHIFAZEsYJaxyRVB0SdtiRqhcdyYQEMnyDTa91dzFigu0YSMjv_dQmSZaQVX/s320/diet+soda.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div><br /></div>Some of you call it soda. Others call it pop and still others call it coke, but whatever you call it, we all know that it is delicious and that whether it is full-sugar or diet, it is simply <b>NOT</b> good for you. <div><br /></div><div>When I was very young, us kids seldom had pop. On occasions, my mom would splurge a bit and buy Shasta (if you didn't drink Shasta as a kid, then you were missing out), but other than that, we really didn't drink pop. Mom though, being forever on one diet or another, would drink Fresca. In fact, when she was pregnant with my brother, she craved the stuff. That and parsnips. It certainly explains a lot about my brother. </div><div><br /></div><div>Later on in my childhood, we were allowed to drink <i>some </i>pop. Mom always kept Coke on hand as when I would get one of my horrid headaches, she would make me chew aspirin and then drink a Coke. The aspirin mixed with the caffeine often helped get the headaches under control. To this day, if my headache gets bad enough, I will be sending someone to the store for a Coke. Mom still liked her Fresca though, and although I liked it too, I became a TAB girl. Probably mostly because it was cooler to drink TAB than Fresca according to magazine advertisements. </div><div><br /></div><div>By the mid-'70s Pepsi had come out with diet Pepsi and Mom gave up her beloved Fresca for this new kid on the block. By this time, we had all become <i>diet</i> pop drinkers which pretty much ruined regular pop for us, because it was now too sweet. We were pretty much addicted to all the artificial sweeteners that were killing lab rats by the dozens and apparently, <i>we didn't care.</i> </div><div><br /></div><div>As the '80s rolled in, Coke, A&W, and Dr. Pepper all had their own diet versions. In the early to mid-'80s, I found diet Orange Crush which mixed famously with cherry vodka and tasted like Hawaiian Punch. That was my very favorite <i>until it wasn't</i>...if you get my drift. After that, I was pretty fond of diet Dr. Pepper. I think I pretty much lived on diet DP until the early '90s. But then, something life-changing happened. I found.....<i>diet Mt. Dew!!!!</i> It was like liquid meth to me. After one glass, I was full-on addicted and stayed that way until about five years ago.</div><div><br /></div><div>When a friend got me interested in the Trim Healthy Mama eating program, this was really the first time I even thought about tossing diet Dew out of my life. Up until then, this lime green elixir had gotten me through many a tough time, and frankly, I couldn't imagine my life without it. Then I actually started reading about diet pop and pop in general. By this time, I was no longer calling it pop like every other loyal Kansan. I was now calling it <i>soda</i> after living with a Missourian all those years. Whatever it was called though, my research was telling me that the best word for it was.....<i>unhealthy. </i></div><div><br /></div><div>The lovely ladies of THM went into details about the ingredients in both soda and diet soda and how bad they all were for you. Then there was article after article about diet soda being linked to muscle issues, cancer, and diabetes. <i>Yes, diabetes.</i> It seems that diet soda can actually trigger sugar cravings which are not good for diabetics or really anyone for that matter. The most interesting thing I read though, was how there had been some correlation between diet soda and.....wait for it.....<i>migraines.</i> Lawdy, what had I been putting in my body all these years....and more importantly....<i><b>what had it done to my body?</b></i></div><div><br /></div><div>You may have snickered a bit when I made the comment about diet Mt. Dew being like liquid meth, but to me, it really was an addiction, and going off of it took me about a year and I literally had to detox from it. Coming off of it the first time, I got sick, because I am pretty sure that rather than water, my body was about 70% diet, Mt. Dew. I got the shakes, was dizzy and I was a royal b!tch as I went through withdrawals. It was not a fun time had by anyone. </div><div><br /></div><div>Thanks to THM though, I found my way off of it when I found their drink...<i>Good Girl Moonshine. </i> Yeah, I laughed too the first time I heard the name, but it really was what got me off <i>all </i>soda. When I realized that they had a version that tasted very much like diet Mt. Dew, I was sold. </div><div><br /></div><div>Good Girl Moonshine or GGMS is a homemade drink recipe from THM. In mine, I mix lime juice and lemon juice with some orange extract. I add liquid stevia to taste with a splash of vanilla and about a tsp of apple cider vinegar. To that, I add about 20 oz of Soda Stream water (yes I have to have my fizzy fix) and ice. It comes very close to the taste of diet Mt. Dew and if anyone should know what diet Mt. Dew tastes like....<i>it is me. </i></div><div><br /></div><div>Once I started full-on replacing diet Mt. Dew with GGMS, I found myself sleeping better, less headaches, and a whole lot fewer sugar cravings. The great thing about GGMS is, that you can play around with flavors and come up with whatever your tastebuds like. I have made ginger ale, strawberry flavored, cherry-flavored, and rootbeer flavored. They are 100 times healthier and there are no side effects. It is also a lot cheaper too. </div><div><br /></div><div>Oh....and who saw the "apple cider vinegar" and went...<b>NOPE!?</b> Trust me, I did too when I first started drinking it. It is an acquired taste, and to start with, <i>less is best.</i> ACV though, is very healthy and good for you, and believe it or not, I can't imagine my drink without it now. </div><div><br /></div><div>I know there are those out there reading this and thinking, <b>I AM NOT GIVING UP MY DR. PEPPER!</b> That is fine, but if on occasion you want to replace a soda with something a bit healthier, then I think GGMS might be the way to go. There are absolutely tons of recipes online and once you have tried a couple, you will find it really easy to play around with ingredients and find your own favorite drink. Plus it is really fun to walk around drinking out of one of those big mason jars with a straw, a lid, and a handle. Okay....<i>maybe that's just me. </i></div><div><br /></div><div>Let's face it, we are only given one body and one life and it would be kind of tragic if we messed that up over a stupid soda addiction. Instead, let's be good to ourselves, treat our bodies with respect, and keep this one body in as good a shape as possible. I know I am trying...<i>how about you? </i></div><div><br /></div><div>Until next time, stay healthy, stay hydrated, and don't forget.....<i>water is good too! </i></div><div><br /></div>Lisa Jacques Elamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09436627482635590384noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5480826801642195904.post-50344394219758094612021-05-13T07:14:00.002-05:002021-05-13T07:14:35.594-05:00A Little Comfort<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhViRUM5J-mCWfCvVDgwRz4RPiwulgRLiV8zy0LqRVRZhE9cjZPoWtnUL7N14Aw4JNNqFJ0JQpI57Gk5V3XG49jshUwUuJkIJ3GdO1OBPB5oh_j39dolBTPhP8BGwuANMngHRSTMxObnGJD/s275/Comfort.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="183" data-original-width="275" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhViRUM5J-mCWfCvVDgwRz4RPiwulgRLiV8zy0LqRVRZhE9cjZPoWtnUL7N14Aw4JNNqFJ0JQpI57Gk5V3XG49jshUwUuJkIJ3GdO1OBPB5oh_j39dolBTPhP8BGwuANMngHRSTMxObnGJD/s0/Comfort.jpg" /></a></div><br /><div><br /></div>We all have things that give us a sense of well-being. It can be anything from a hug to a certain food, to an object. A while back I talked about things that we do that make us feel whole, confident, and good, but today we are talking about the things that make us feel like we are wrapped in a warm blanket on a cool night. You know what I am talking about. I am talking about things that bring us that deep down feeling of well-being, care, and joy. In a word....<i>comfort.</i><div><br /></div><div>As humans, no matter how tough we are or how closed off we become, each of us still has a deep down in our soul, need for comfort at times. As a kid, we often got that feeling from our parents or grandparents when they would wrap us tightly in a hug. It made you feel as if the world couldn't touch you because you were safe and warm and cared for. </div><div><br /></div><div>Sadly, our parent's arms were not available to us 24/7 even as kids, so that is often why we would latch on early to things such as blankets and stuffed animals. They gave us similar feelings of comfort and made us feel secure on a stormy night or as we drifted off to sleep. In fact, often those items become so integral in our need to be comforted, that we often hold onto those things into our adult years. Maybe we no longer sleep with them or carry them around, but just knowing that we can pull them out of a box or off a shelf, continues to give us a sense of peace. </div><div><br /></div><div>As we grow older and leave home for college or even for forever, often things that we took for granted growing up, become sources of what gives us comfort as adults. Maybe it is a certain fabric softener you use in your wash. It might be the same one your mom used and every time you wash your clothes, all it takes is one sniff and you are right back in your mom's house folding laundry fresh out of the dryer. Or maybe it takes you back to playing outside in the yard and smelling that scent waft out of the dryer vent into the air on a warm spring day. To this day it can wrap you up in it and make you feel as if you are back there, safe and comfortable.</div><div><br /></div><div>Another soother, right down to the soul is food. Mine is meatloaf. Every time I make meatloaf, I use my mom's recipe and as I mix it with my fingers, it takes me back to standing in the kitchen and watching her mix the meatloaf with her own hands. As it bakes, the smells that permeate the house are the same smells that permeated my house growing up. I can close my eyes and go back to a time where my mom cooked with love and had a meal on the table every night. As supper was almost ready, I could smell the meatloaf all the way to my room and I knew any minute I would be called to the table. Then with that first bite of the meatloaf, mixed with the mashed potatoes and gravy, I am transported back to being a kid and sitting around a table with my family and eating my favorite meal of all time. To me, that is the epitome of comfort, and to this day, when life is tough or I am missing my mom, you can bet that meatloaf will be on the menu that night. In my world, it is <i>comfort food</i> at its best. </div><div><br /></div><div>Getting older though, I have learned that songs, smells, and tastes can easily transport me back to a time when I felt loved, cared for and safe. They bring on a feeling of well-being that is unparalleled. It is a feeling our bodies crave and something that helps not just our physical selves, but also our mental selves. Even as adults and maybe especially as adults, we still need that feeling from time to time and so we create new ways to feel comfort and to carry on those old feelings from the past. I guess we can call it adult self-soothing. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div>Some of the things that have come to bring me comfort as an adult are: sitting on the porch on a cool and rainy day, wrapped in a blanket, and reading a book. I love the smell, the feel of the air, and the look of the grey sky. It is perfect for getting lost in a book and forgetting that time even exists. Does comfort get any better than that? I also find comfort in a warm Calgon bath. There is something about just soaking in the warm water and smelling the Calgon (yes, it must be Calgon). that just gives me such a feeling of peace and relaxation. I also find comfort on stormy nights when the lightning lights up the sky and I lay in my bed, covered up with a blanket and watching out the window with one of my dogs on either side of me. It gives me such a sense of peace and security. </div><div><br /></div><div>There are, I am sure, at least a dozen or more other things that give me comfort and with that comfort give me a feeling of security and well-being. And even though most of us don't dwell on the need for comfort, when the possibility of it is near, as humans we long for it and settle into it with a sense of joy right down to our deepest core. Believe it or not, comfort is part of what keeps us healthy, brings us happiness, and keeps us centered. In fact, comfort helps us to keep balance in our lives, even if we aren't aware we need it. </div><div><br /></div><div>So today, focus on what brings you comfort, and how that comfort makes you feel. Is it your grandma's spaghetti, or the teddy bear you had when you were two? Is it warm cocoa before bed or being wrapped in a blanket by a fire? Whatever it is, give yourself more of it. Allow yourself that comfort from time to time and see if it doesn't make you feel more centered, more joy, and give you a better sense of well-being. </div><div><br /></div><div>In today's world, taking care of us is so important and if you are a <i>woman</i> reading this, it is essential. We are the caregivers, the moms, and grandmas. We head up homes and we head up corporations. We have to do better and be better each and every day and at the end of the day, we all can use a little comfort. </div><div><br /></div><div>So until next time, find your comfort, find your joy and allow yourself to find that, which balances it all. </div>Lisa Jacques Elamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09436627482635590384noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5480826801642195904.post-5732736221224878842021-05-06T11:16:00.004-05:002021-05-06T20:45:01.431-05:00To Vaccinate or Not....Is That the Question?<p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgI79ecQYEmbqWH1xJK51txptXBX0-jQOn2fja-0LXY-c-mLYsuyXAV7h_0EnsQfFrPHqTrcAx7BG_p7JdeMz4FCOi7ftI9Mx3ceyO-uoAwJghKWUjybUxLxrPo_dmuzoxyuUi5U0DyEs5t/s318/vaccination.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="159" data-original-width="318" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgI79ecQYEmbqWH1xJK51txptXBX0-jQOn2fja-0LXY-c-mLYsuyXAV7h_0EnsQfFrPHqTrcAx7BG_p7JdeMz4FCOi7ftI9Mx3ceyO-uoAwJghKWUjybUxLxrPo_dmuzoxyuUi5U0DyEs5t/s0/vaccination.jpg" /></a></div><br /><p></p><p>To COVID vaccinate or not? That seems to be the big debate right now. Well, of course, I am going to put in my two cents and figured that right here is the place to do it. Now before I continue, please know that if you get the vaccine, I support your choice in doing that <b>100%,</b> and also, if you choose not to get it, I also support that choice <b>100%.</b> In other words, I think that whatever you feel is medically right for you, <i>as no one knows you better than you do</i>, is going to be the right thing for you. </p><p>Here is however where I stand on this subject. You do not have to agree with me, but please understand that just like you, I have my own opinions on the subject. </p><p>I think COVID has been a crazy roller coaster ride since day one, and the way it has made human beings act, at best has made me laugh and at worst has made me sad and even afraid for them at times. This virus and all that surrounds it, has changed us all, and not at all for the better. People have just lost their perspective, their common sense and in some cases, their minds over all of this and I am not sure why. </p><p>Back in January of 2020, when we had already heard that COVID was on its way to the US, we didn't stop going to concerts, going to stores, going out to eat, or living our lives. How many times had we faced these viruses, trudged through, and gone on with our lives? Why should this be any different? Then in February when the CDC started warning us that this one might be different, did we use our heads and start limiting our exposure to crowds, Lysol and Clorox our houses, do drive-thru instead of dine-in and just take normal preventative precautions to keep ourselves healthy? <b><i>Oh no! </i></b>People instead rushed out in literal hoards and started buying up toilet paper, Clorox wipes, Lysol and baby wipes. They would fight their way through crowds of people because they were sure they might not have all of these things to survive this virus that we were being warned about. What they effectively did though, was actually cause the shortages that the rest of us had to deal with for the next few months and put the virus into hyperdrive, not once using common sense and thinking that maybe fighting crowds was not their best choice. Little fun fact, these were the same people who would literally meltdown in public if they happened to see someone without a mask or saw their neighbors having more than two people at their house. </p><p>Somehow, someway though, we managed to lockdown for 14 days to flatten the curve. These 14 days turned into months and months of people losing jobs, businesses going under, kids not socializing, and mask makers making a fortune on masks. And yes, sadly, people got COVID and many died. The CDC did not help matters as they started out telling us that masks would not help. Then they said we needed special masks. Then they said, well we just needed masks. Then it was, we needed two masks. Finally, we worked our way back to we just needed to mask.....now maybe permanently. </p><p>Along with this, we had restrictions on distancing and crowd size. Now just recently we have heard that the 6-foot distancing rule was basically ridiculous. If the virus is in the air, it doesn't matter whether you are 6 foot or 60 foot, it travels. Needless to say, I and many other people came to the conclusion that the CDC really had no clue what they were talking about, but....the fact that they were talking kept people nervous at best and downright scared at worst. Many just decided to err on the side of caution and go with what they considered the most protection they could get, especially those who had friends and relatives that had gotten sick and even died from it. </p><p>Now we are a little over a year out from the time the pandemic caused by the virus started and our new conversation is, <i>whether to get the vaccine or not.</i> Some people are so adamant about the vaccine, that they are now wanting to demand that if you don't get it, then businesses shouldn't hire you or if you are already working someplace, the business should fire you. Now I can see this in a healthcare setting or the military, but why anyplace else? There could be definite reasons people don't or can't get the vaccine, but apparently, some feel that these people's vaccine history should dictate their hirability. This in my book is plain ridiculousness. Here is why I question this. </p><p>What we currently know about the vaccine is that there are three on the market, about to be four. Of the current three, two of them require you to get two doses and one is a one dose. What we also know is that where most vaccines take up to a decade to be developed and tested before being approved, this one was shotgunned into existence without any testing as those currently getting the vaccine are the ones doing the testing. Not a big plus in favor of the vaccine. There have also been side effects such as blood clots and yes....even a few deaths from the vaccine, which under normal circumstances, the population would look at, raise an eyebrow and possibly be a little cautious before playing "damned if you do and damned if you don't" with your health. Instead, they are all but ignoring the side effects and rushing out to get it. I can't help but see the old picture of the wolf in sheep's clothing leading the pack of sheep as he takes them right up to the edge of the drop-off and then stands back and watches as they each run right on over the edge to their deaths. Now maybe this a bit of a dramatic visual, but bottom line, I never signed up to be a lab rat, did you? </p><p>All that being said, if you listen to the CDC, they have told us that if you are fully vaccinated, then you are 99% safe from getting COVID. They do have the caveat that down the line we might need a booster, to keep it effective, but if the vaccine itself ends up being safe, then it should also be effective. So if you get the vaccine, and you are confident in the vaccine and its 99% effectiveness (<i>if it's good enough for our birth control, then it should be good enough for our vaccine....right?</i>) then why are people trying to demand that if you choose not to get it, a job should be withheld from you? We have never done this with the flu vaccine. And speaking of the flu vaccine, how many people get the flu shot and then still get the flu because they find out the vaccine they got was for a different strand of the flu than what they got? Who is to say that with the way COVID appears to be mutating that we won't run into the same thing with the COVID vaccine? You may get the vaccine right now, but by next winter, we may have a different strand to deal with. Do we just keep getting experimental vaccines every few months? What are the long-term effects of that? This is why we usually have years of testing before a vaccine is approved. Have all those rushing out to get the vaccine, even thought of any of this? </p><p>So here is what I think (yes, this is the opinion part of this particular blog piece), I am taking the same stance on the vaccine as I have taken on wearing a mask. If you feel the need to get the vaccine for any reason, then I say <b>GET THE VACCINE!!!!!</b> In fact, if you need a ride to get the vaccine, I will take you! On the other hand, if you don't feel comfortable or simply don't want to get the vaccine, for any reason, then I say <b>DON'T GET THE VACCINE!!!!!</b> Whether you do or whether you don't will have no bearing on how I feel about you nor will I judge you one way or another. In other words, <i>it should be your choice and no one else's.</i> It is just that simple. </p><p>I guess it all comes down to what you believe from the CDC, what your own health history is, and how comfortable you are with the current vaccines that are available to the public. </p><p>Have I already or will I get the vaccine? Well, that is my business. I am not about the <i>"look I got the vaccine"</i> posts. I might do that over-voting, but not vaccines. For some reason that just seems a little too personal, but if I did get it, or do, it is to protect myself as that is the only one I can protect. If however, I am protected, then I am in no way worried about whether you have gotten the vaccine or not. It simply does not affect me....<i>right?</i> That is if they are telling us the truth and actually know....and if they are not.....then the vaccine is not going to work anyway, <i>so........</i> I guess it wouldn't be the first time the government lied to us...<i>right?</i> </p><p>So get the vaccine or don't get the vaccine, but don't try to dictate to others. That is just a slippery slope that will only come back to haunt us all. </p><p>Until next time.....stay peaceful, stay educated, and get vaccinated.......<i><b>if it's the right decision for you!</b></i></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>Lisa Jacques Elamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09436627482635590384noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5480826801642195904.post-91872140911761213792021-05-03T05:34:00.001-05:002021-05-03T05:34:29.688-05:00Depression and Self-Care<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnZm_mGgfgwebjrjFI_ANfml4bwsyZgfsXSY48xhZioYumYJyMf-r7q-T3claFGfH-GtGutBE5IOP6YVfhB3ExxuKsc6swGW7X-Vp73hJGnCtvNP-qm1IOOi7z4EiCvm6kkDrFCF7WnBWX/s1028/self+care.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1028" data-original-width="794" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnZm_mGgfgwebjrjFI_ANfml4bwsyZgfsXSY48xhZioYumYJyMf-r7q-T3claFGfH-GtGutBE5IOP6YVfhB3ExxuKsc6swGW7X-Vp73hJGnCtvNP-qm1IOOi7z4EiCvm6kkDrFCF7WnBWX/s320/self+care.jpg" /></a></div><br /><p><br /></p><p>We are constantly being told by the world that we should <i>"take care of ourselves." </i>There is great emphasis put on <i>self-care</i> in everything from tv ads to self-help books and they stress the importance of taking care of everything from our physical needs to our emotional needs and all that lies in between. The fact is, who of us wouldn't just love to take care of ourselves on the regular, but often, finding the time to do it, isn't all that easy. </p><p>We live in a world where there is much <i>need</i>. People <i>need</i> our attention, our help, and our care all the time. As a mother and a grandmother, there is a constant feeling that I <b>should </b>be doing something for somebody, and by the end of the day, I have very little left for me. And I can't speak for anyone else, but it seems that the pandemic and lockdowns didn't alleviate any of the outside need. In fact, at my house, the need to help others became greater, to the point that towards the end, I was feeling something that I hadn't ever really felt legitimately before. I was literally getting <i>depressed.</i> </p><p>I found that if I didn't keep myself scheduled and focused, that I was just one meltdown away from going to bed, covering my head, and giving in to the feelings that were surrounding me.....whatever those might be on any given day. I refused to give in though and I fought it every step of the way. </p><p>Now a little history here, I know my mom's dad suffered from what I assume was mild depression. Mom said about twice a year, that Grandpa would have what they called his <i>"blue spells."</i> These spells might last three or four days and when they came on him, he would do the chores and whatever work was necessary, but the rest of the time, he would just sit in his chair and not talk to anyone. It drove my mom crazy as she was a daddy's girl and not having her daddy's full attention or even any attention for that matter, was unacceptable to her. The family learned though, to give Grandpa his space, and just as quickly as the blue spells would come upon him, they would also leave. Now, how deep this went or the cause, no one ever really knew, but I am sure being a farmer in the Oklahoma clay and raising 11 children undoubtedly had its stress and worries, and perhaps his yearly couple of blue spells were his way of working through it all. </p><p>Then there was my mom. My mom's health alone would make most people depressed. She had Lupus Erythematosus, Glameral Nephritis, and four primary cancers, but she always seemed to have a knack for finding positivity even through it all. Looking back though, I know there were times she wasn't herself. Sadly as a child, I was not in tune with the struggle of the adults in my world, as I was more focused on myself and I am sure that I missed a lot. There was only one time though, that I know Mom had a real discernable bought of depression. It was after she fell off a ladder and crushed the bones in her leg and foot and the doctor told her she might never walk again. When this happened, I think she had a great deal of difficulty processing the extent of her injury and accepting that she might not ever be independent again. </p><p>For about three weeks, Mom was basically bedfast and during that time, she was miserable. An avid reader, she refused to read. She refused to watch tv or listen to the radio or talk to anyone. She just lay in her bed, angry and depressed. Mom being Mom though, wasn't going to let the injury get the better of her, and after that three weeks, I think she literally willed herself into getting out of that bed, healing those bones, and walking again. I guess that it was her focus and her desire for self-care that pulled her out of it, as well as a miracle or two. Her stubbornness might also have played into it a bit. Whatever it was though, thank God she had it and she eventually healed to the point of walking again. I won't say that Mom was ever truly the same person after that again, but she definitely did not let anything else, (including cancer) slow her down until the very end. </p><p>As for me, I have only been truly depressed once in my life. It was after my late husband Tim died. My doctor was afraid that I was <i>going to</i> get depressed because of all that was going on in my life, so he wanted to be pre-emptive and start me on meds. Now mind you, I had no symptoms of depression, I was just simply going through a lot. My head was in such a place though, that I agreed to go on the meds, as he was the doctor and knew best....<i>right?</i> </p><p>For several months he kept changing meds around on me because I kept telling him that I didn't like how I was feeling. Before I knew it, I could barely get out of bed. I had sunk so low into a depression that going to the bathroom was an effort, let alone being a mom or anything else. My kids couldn't understand what was going on and thought that I had basically abandoned them, and I refused to let any of my friends close enough to see what was going on and what shape I was in. Finally, I figured out that it just might be the medication, so I did some research and found out that I could ween myself off of it, so I did. Within two months I began to feel human again and that was the end of my time with that particular doctor, depression meds, and my depression....<i>until recently. </i></p><p>COVID and all that has gone with it literally could have been my undoing. It completely threw me out of my element and made the world a foreign and uncomfortable place for not just me, but I am sure the whole country. In about October, I started to feel myself getting angry over nothing and everything. I was getting frustrated with everyone and the slightest things could set me off. The worst though, was that I found myself getting emotional for no reason at all. This just wasn't me. I had been an early riser for quite a few years, but suddenly I started wanting to avoid getting up and avoid all the many things that I knew I had to do each and every day. It was once again an effort to get out of bed and everything in my world felt like it was suffering and I hated it. <b>Nope!</b> <i>I wasn't going down this road again</i>. </p><p>It was November when I finally decided to start going to the gym. I needed something to focus on that wasn't pandemic-related, politics-related, or social media-related. I needed to do something for me that wasn't merely an expectation of me from someone else. Believe it or not, the gym started helping. I also started to pay attention to what I was eating. I noticed that when I gave into things like sugar (a depression's best friend), it was affecting my attitude and how I felt in general. It even triggered a few nasty migraines. Then I ran across an article one day that talked about fighting depression with routine and structure. It said to give yourself a daily routine or schedule and within that schedule, include three things that were for you and three things that were daily tasks that you needed to get done. It said not to put more than six things on the list and the first thing every morning, <b>to make your bed!</b> I think the thought process behind that is if your bed is made, there is already some order in your life and a made bed is not as easy to crawl back into as an unmade one is. </p><p>The article was right. When I made my bed first thing, it prompted me to go ahead and get dressed and get ready for the day. I was not lying around in my pajamas and in fact, these small daily acts, even energized me. As I added going to the gym and taking that hour for myself and focusing on only what I wanted to focus on, gave me motivation when I got home to then do the things I needed to do for the house and for others. I also found that taking a break every now and then and just doing nothing, for five minutes was also energizing. The key was allowing myself to do it without feeling guilty. </p><p>Gradually, I found myself making more time for myself, and the things that kept me recharged and feeling good about life. Through doing this, I found that I actually was able to also commit more time to my family, my house, and the projects in my life where I was needed. A happy and emotionally healthy me was also a more productive and giving me. </p><p>This last week, I have felt myself backslide a bit. I have had an injury that wasn't healing like it should and not nearly as fast as I thought it should. It has kept me away from the gym, which I have realized for me, is better than any prescribed medication could ever be. Then yesterday I realized something crucial. I haven't been making my bed. In fact, I haven't been doing much in the way of anything these last few days. <i>Hmmm</i></p><p>So today, the bed is made, I was up and at it and today I am heading back to the gym and I will do what I can, as long as I can, without the slightest bit of guilt. So it seems that once again, there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and rather than wait another minute, today I plan to get back on track, whatever that looks like. I already feel so much better and just the thought of the gym makes me feel so much more motivated.</p><p>Now please, don't get me wrong. I am in no way downplaying depression or the treatment of depression. I am fully aware that just because I am choosing one way of controlling this leftover COVID side effect, doesn't mean that it will work for everyone. I also fully understand that some people need medication to handle their issues. Not all depression is created equally and believe me, if at anytime my depression got worse or I sunk into an abyss that the gym or making my bed couldn't pull me out of, I would be looking for other answers and medication if necessary. </p><p>What I am saying though, is that 2020 was a tough year for a lot of us and even people who have never suffered from any form of depression previously, are feeling their own kind of "blue spells" now. If you are lucky, maybe you can find "your gym" and your own structure to bring you back to you. </p><p>Self-care is so important and finding those things which bring you joy and keep you motivated and excited about life are crucial for good health both mental and physical. Also, check out what you are eating. Most of us found the lockdowns a great time to cook and more importantly eat. There may be things in your diet that are part of the reason you feel sluggish, unhealthy, and uncomfortable in your own skin. An underlying allergy to certain foods can make you feel awful without you realizing it. I know it's amazing how simply removing the bulk of sugar from my diet has made me feel so much better. And okay...... maybe the gym is not for you, but try and make yourself move each day. A walk with your dog, mowing the yard, or a walk around the mall, can do wonders for your mental health and your perspective on life. Self-care has many forms. </p><p>Well, the restrictions are lifting and life is opening back up for most of us. It's time to get out there and reclaim our lives and our bodies, minds, and souls. Make the rest of 2021 your year and shake off the COVID blue spells in whatever way is healthy for you. You will be so glad you did. </p><p>Until next time.....stay peaceful, stay productive and most of all......<i>make your bed! </i></p>Lisa Jacques Elamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09436627482635590384noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5480826801642195904.post-29211876430809906632021-04-29T07:04:00.000-05:002021-04-29T07:04:19.646-05:00A Tattoo for You or Whatever You Do To Make You Happy<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWVsEpzLuOY4lC0VkxqKa6QB38Y3Gd6GirwDA9_KxGhH9IwckLAR8qTyrIkAENut6y8x1e9mQdPqIyinHls1ZAusGQpnyg8HjyDQEDHiimqVXBVTCxOfdyGgtDq3sLmmIlZt2MNmNmqMif/s1125/Tattoo.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1125" data-original-width="844" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWVsEpzLuOY4lC0VkxqKa6QB38Y3Gd6GirwDA9_KxGhH9IwckLAR8qTyrIkAENut6y8x1e9mQdPqIyinHls1ZAusGQpnyg8HjyDQEDHiimqVXBVTCxOfdyGgtDq3sLmmIlZt2MNmNmqMif/s320/Tattoo.jpg" /></a></div><br /><p><br /></p><p> We all have things that just make us feel good. Maybe they make us feel pretty or sexy or maybe they just make us feel complete. They may not be things that we can't live without, but they are things that have purpose in our lives because of what they do for us mentally, physically, spiritually, or all the above. It can be anything as small as getting your nails done or as big as getting plastic surgery. Whatever it is though, you can better bet that someone is going to have an opinion on it and moreover, they are going to make that opinion known. </p><p>When I was young, tattoos were really not a mainstream thing. They were more for the military, carnie, biker types. If you were not one of the aforementioned and you had a tattoo, people had immediate preconceived notions about who you were and just how you might fit into society. Over the last couple of decades though, tattoos have become far more mainstream and dare I say, <i>even fashionable.</i> Tattoo parlors are in just about every city and town, large and small and everyone from teens to little older grandmas are getting them. </p><p>Depending on the skill of your tattoo artist and your own desired artwork choices, some have literal masterpieces spread out across their bodies. Others though, can end up with misspelled words, designs that don't look the way they had hoped, or just messed up, jacked up tattoos that are ugly and even embarrassing. That is no fun, especially since unless you have $$$ for removal, you are basically stuck with a reminder of either your bad judgment or the artist's bad craftsmanship for eternity and beyond. Either way, it is not the desired end game. </p><p>Now about a decade ago, I decided to get my first tattoo. Yes, I was a full-grown, mature adult woman and I <i>wanted</i> a tattoo. However, I told myself that if I got a tattoo, it would have to mean something to me. I wasn't going to put something on my body that would last a lifetime and 40 years from now look at it and wonder, <i>"What the hell was I thinking?"</i> Also, I wasn't putting this tattoo someplace that was going to sag or distort so that again, 40 years from now I would look at it and wonder,<i> "What the hell was I thinking?"</i></p><p>So a friend and I went to a tattoo party at another friend's house. <i>Who knew such things existed?</i> It was rather convenient though. You would get in line, pick the tattoo you wanted, and when it was your turn, you got tattooed. In my head, this beat the heck out of going to a shop. <i>Don't ask me why.</i> Perhaps it was the liquor that I was able to consume before it was my turn. Lucky for me, the guy before me had a whole upper back tattoo of a Michaelangelo painting, so there was plenty of time for me to get my drink on and numb every part of my body. </p><p>I had decided that my first and maybe my only tattoo (depending on how this whole thing went) was going to be a little barnyard pig. I have loved pigs all my life and when my friend and I saw the pig in the artists' book of drawings, we both agreed that a pig it must be. I then, in the moment, decided that the placement would be on the top of my right foot. Now I knew nothing about the pain involved with tattoos or where on the body might hurt the least or the most. My placement choice was because I could cover it up as I knew there would be people in my life who would not approve, but when I was barefoot or wearing a sandal, I could enjoy my little piggie. </p><p>As the guy in front of me was getting his masterpiece finished up, I nervously awaited my turn full of alcohol and second-guessing my decision. Then suddenly the tattoo artist sat me down, drew the outline of the pig, pressed it on my foot, and away we went. Thank goodness for the alcohol. I felt absolutely nothing in an area that I am told I should have been coming up out of my seat on. In about 15 minutes' time, he was done and I had the cutest little pig on my foot that you have ever seen. For some reason though, the moment I stood up, I knew the party was over for me, and we left. </p><p>I have never once regretted my pig and even when those that I knew would disapprove, saw it, and actually did disapprove, I didn't care. I love my pig. In fact, I loved it so much that it made me make a bit of a mistake on my next tattoo. </p><p>My son had a friend who had decided he wanted to be a tattoo artist. He in fact was a really good artist and he was looking for people to practice on. I figured everybody's gotta learn and if I did something simple, then how bad could it be? Even if he messed it up, I should be okay...<i>right?</i> So he came to my house and he tattooed both my son and myself. Again, I might have numbed a little with alcohol before he began and again, there was little pain. </p><p>I chose an infinity symbol on the outside of my left leg with both my deceased mother and daughter's names on the symbol. It was done in black ink. My sons was a treble clef on his upper arm done in black. The tattoos weren't horrible, but in time, they did start looking kind of globby and so several years ago my son went to a really amazing tattoo artist and had his treble clef redone with a watercolor effect. It is beautiful. Mine, however, <i>just got uglier</i>. </p><p>Then last year, one of my closest friends lost her daughter in an accident. It was a tremendous tragedy and it killed me to watch my friend and her husband suffer. Their daughter was an amazing young woman and one of the things she loved were sea turtles. To be honest, I had never really thought about sea turtles before. Then one night I went to bed and I had horrible nightmares. I have no idea what they were about, but the minute my eyes opened the next morning, I had this undying thought that I had to get a sea turtle tattoo on my wrist. I tried to talk myself out of it several times as we were still in the middle of COVID and most tattoo shops were closed. Then, out of nowhere, this tattoo artist that I had never seen before, popped up on my Facebook feed. Even more curious, was that she lived and worked in the next town over. I just knew without a doubt that she was the one I was supposed to go to, so I messaged her and she got me in the next day. She worked out of her home and again, I liked that there was no shop involved. I showed her what I wanted and within half an hour and just a little discomfort (no alcohol was available), I had the most beautiful sea turtle on my wrist that I had ever seen. I cannot tell you how much I love this tattoo, mainly because I think there was a little divine intervention involved with my getting it. I truly think Kylie (the young girl) wanted me to have it and she made it so that it all fell into place for me to get it. </p><p>Finally, about two weeks ago, I decided that my globby leg tattoo needed to be fixed. I was tired of seeing it, as it wasn't even really distinguishable anymore. I sent the tattoo artist (her name is Z and she was the one that did my turtle) a picture of my ugly tattoo and showed her what I wanted instead. She drew me a beautiful cover-up for the original tattoo and before I knew it, I was on her table and she was tattooing away. Now I am going to say without hesitation, that this tattoo <b>HURT! </b>Apparently, I picked a spot just ripe with nerve endings and I spent the entire hour questioning this particular life choice with gritted teeth.....<i>until she was finished.</i> She had taken the original infinity symbol and made it much bigger in order to cover the globbiness. She did some amazing shading on the curves and added yellow roses and my mother and my daughters' names. It is truly a beautiful tribute to my mother and daughter and honestly, it was worth every ounce of pain. Often, some of the beautiful things in life are. </p><p>I currently have three tattoos that mean a great deal to me. They are tattoos that 40 years from now will still mean a great deal to me and because they are each beautiful, they make me feel beautiful. There is also something about going through the experience of getting a tattoo that is so therapeutic for me. Perhaps the pain of the tattoo is healing in some ways because afterward, I always feel a weight has been lifted. I have no idea why. </p><p>Of course, each time I get a tattoo, there are those who <i>tsk tsk </i>me and question why I would do that...especially at my age. I've been told that it is nothing but foolishness and there is always someone who tells me, <i>"Well I would never do that to my body."</i> They are usually the ones that have had their lips plumped and their cheeks filled with botox, but what do I care? If that makes them feel good about themselves, then by all means I support them and if they don't understand that my tattoos make me feel the same way, then let them feel the way they feel. Their opinion of me or my tattoos is none of my business. </p><p>Sometimes in life, we just have to do things that change how we see ourselves and feel about ourselves. Had anyone told me when I was in my 20's that when I was in my 50's I would be getting my third tattoo, I would never have believed it. Life and time have changed me though, and these tattoos have helped me heal in ways I never knew possible. And no...I'm not done yet. There will be more. I am working on one that honors my late husband and the life we shared together, but first I gotta find a spot on my body with a lot less nerve endings.</p><p>I guess the point of all of this is, get your nails done, have your butt lifted, your tummy tucked or your lips plumped if it makes you feel good about yourself. Do the things that make you feel beautiful and heal your body, mind, and soul. More importantly, don't let anyone make you feel bad or uncomfortable about your choices just because they wouldn't do it or because they don't understand why you would and do. </p><p>One thing you learn with age and the passage of time is that life is short and it isn't always easy, it isn't always fair and yes, sometimes there is pain. So when we find things that bring us joy, bring us closure, bring us peace and even give us the ability to move on through life more whole than we were beforehand, we owe it to ourselves to go for it and be damned what anyone else thinks or says.</p><p>Until next time.....may you stay healthy, may you do the things that make you happy and may you feel beautiful in your own skin. </p>Lisa Jacques Elamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09436627482635590384noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5480826801642195904.post-91734448420269732742021-04-24T06:21:00.001-05:002021-04-24T06:21:09.049-05:00They Know My Name at the Gym<p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhd9D0FFdxKN4g5E6R2ndvhYCp4YeQlj2BeqMudy2Npy_HjM8gu7lhzPrhfrteI6ih_NOkkNXxWn9bPpRAwAmNlL3CasTnsSmaPqYTJjAgWnKwI4AS0NijAc0pWrXJ3OC2Oto1MlcwngGrF/s275/gym+goals.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="183" data-original-width="275" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhd9D0FFdxKN4g5E6R2ndvhYCp4YeQlj2BeqMudy2Npy_HjM8gu7lhzPrhfrteI6ih_NOkkNXxWn9bPpRAwAmNlL3CasTnsSmaPqYTJjAgWnKwI4AS0NijAc0pWrXJ3OC2Oto1MlcwngGrF/s0/gym+goals.jpg" /></a></div><br /><p></p><p>Oh, my word!!!! What have I become? <b>THEY KNOW MY NAME AT THE GYM!!!!</b> That's right. I have officially gone to the gym so much, that they know my name. Who in the world would have ever thought this strange turn of events would happen? Even stranger though, (dare I say) I <b>LOVE</b> going to the gym! <i>I know! I know! Craziness!</i></p><p>The fact is, that when I started going to the gym, I was terrified. No, I was not afraid of the gym, I was afraid that my body simply couldn't cut it anymore. I was afraid I wouldn't last 10 minutes on the treadmill and that I would never be able to be truly healthy again. I swallowed my fear though and I took my first step which was walking into the place. Then I got on the treadmill. I made it 20 minutes. Then I made it 30 minutes. Soon I added the elliptical and then the bike. Before I knew it, I was working out 45 minutes to an hour most days of the week. I would pop in my headphones and turn on my podcasts and away I went. It has truly been surreal. </p><p>There have been a few short hiatuses, like when my blood pressure medicine decided to kick my butt and almost made me fall off the treadmill. It took me a few days to figure out that my working out was causing my blood pressure to go down and because of the meds I was on to regulate it, my bp was dropping too low. The result? One medication is gone and one to go. I also had a few days where life got in the way and the gym wasn't possible and then days like the other day when I couldn't put on my tennis shoe because of a blister on my heal. Added speed, equals added friction in my shoe, which equaled a nasty blister. It's been flip-flops for me until this bad boy heals. </p><p>While I have been doing great at the gym, and my bp is very good, I haven't focused on my eating like I should.....<i>or at all</i>. I just hate thinking about what I eat and when I feel I have to think about it, I go into a rebellious state in which cookies are eaten at will and bread (which I am not even that fond of) becomes a three-meal/day staple. Thus, the weight loss has not been as good as I would like. The upside though, I have lost some inches. I have cut myself a bit of slack though, as I have stayed consistent going to the gym for months now, so I figure that healthier eating will come. In fact, my step-daughter has started Trim Healthy Mama (THM) and she is doing very well, looking good, and turning into a bit of an inspiration for me, so perhaps I will give THM another go. <i>Who knows?</i></p><p>The greatest parts of all of this for me have been my ability to stay goal-oriented and consistent and the fact that I conquered my fear on that first day, and proved that I could still work out and work towards a healthier me. Oh, and of course, going off one of my bp medications was pretty awesome too! </p><p>Going forward, as soon as this heel heals (see what I did there?) I plan on branching out from just doing cardio, to adding weights. I no longer have the arms and legs of a twenty-year-old, but adding some firmness and definition might not be a bad thing. Also, some strength training could really help, since David isn't getting any smaller and chances are, I will be lifting his hefty tush for many years to come. </p><p>So I am taking my wins where I can and realizing that there is still much I can do in this life. Of course, I still have fears from time to time, but each one that I am capable of conquering so that I can move on to the next challenge is huge for me and the fact that I have not allowed myself to give up or quit has been amazing. Dare I say, <i>I am proud of me?</i> I think I just did! </p><p>Well, this whole gym journey since last November has been truly unbelievable for me. I have faced my fears, worked towards my goals, and best of all.....<i><b>THEY KNOW MY NAME AT THE GYM!!!!</b></i></p><p>So until next time, stay safe, stay healthy and be fearless. You are never too old or out of shape to try!</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>Lisa Jacques Elamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09436627482635590384noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5480826801642195904.post-72047558863146614152021-01-24T10:32:00.002-06:002021-01-24T10:33:50.348-06:00COVID, Planet Fitness and An Ear Infection<p><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUQRp1iMbH8G-WBj4PTWEv1GNd0Xiziz24KXjhOvwJkR3Uzy4rc68HMGilc6G81z9rSgNMPh3TVs2dZVcSkoNv4izDALLyEbDPS8Y5aP_IK_8OmzQCkugfsME9LuxQZhl_0e65AKNcCd_w/s1200/purple.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="900" data-original-width="1200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUQRp1iMbH8G-WBj4PTWEv1GNd0Xiziz24KXjhOvwJkR3Uzy4rc68HMGilc6G81z9rSgNMPh3TVs2dZVcSkoNv4izDALLyEbDPS8Y5aP_IK_8OmzQCkugfsME9LuxQZhl_0e65AKNcCd_w/s320/purple.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><p>I decided that it was time to brush the dust off this particular blog and show it some love, and today's verbiage is perfect for the theme of this blog. </p><p>I know most of us are beyond tired of hearing about or even thinking about COVID, and yet almost a year later, it is still a major part of our culture and our lives. It has caused illness, death, fear, and yes, in some cases, even strange and ridiculous behavior. It has also done a number on people's mental health as we have become a society that no longer can be face to face or have the human interactions we have always relied on to soothe us, guide us and help us to feel...<i>.human. </i></p><p>We as a family have had COVID go through our house at least once that we are sure of, and we have been put on self-containment several times as we were closely exposed. The fact is, no matter whether you wear a mask or not, wash your hands until they are sandpaper, and/or avoid crowds like it's your job, you can still fall ill. I have always known this and because of knowing this, I have never panicked over it. I have always used common sense, but when it went through the house, <i>it was what it was.</i> Thankfully, we all had mild to moderate forms of it, and we all came out okay. </p><p>I will say though, that aside from making us all physically sick, it has also changed us and our world. It has changed how we view everything from crowds to even socializing. It has caused mass fear, and with mass fear, there has also been mass irrationality. Mental health has been affected, and there has been a rise in abuse cases as well as addictions of all forms. People have hidden in their homes with nothing but delivered food, their TV's and their social media, and they have become slaves to negativity and fear. </p><p>There are others though, like me, who weren't the most "social" people on the planet to begin with, so isolation and no contact hasn't been quite the challenge for us that has been for others. There have been changes though and yes, they have affected me. The biggest change has been helping my granddaughter with her schooling. It began last year after spring break. You remember....<i>the never-ending spring break?! </i>She was in first grade and teachers, students, parents, and grandparents were thrown into a tizzy over schools being shutdown. Somehow, we managed to get these kids through the end of school, never dreaming that in August, we would still be in pretty much the same boat. </p><p>I will say, that this distance learning has been one of the more stressful things in my life. I am constantly aware that....<i>NO! I am not smarter than a second-grader. </i>And it is not so much what they do, but, <i><b>HOW</b></i> they are expected to do it. More than once there have been tears and you better bet, they weren't always hers. </p><p>There have been a lot of positives though, that I think have come from the COVID chaos. One of those has been a sense of time slowing down a bit. For a while, many people were sidelined to work their jobs from home. People didn't feel so rushed as they didn't have to get dressed up and fight traffic to get to work. There became a more laid back feel to our lives. Sadly, there were others who lost their jobs or were laid off, so this gave them new found time with their families. Suddenly people were cooking, baking, sewing, playing games with their kids and life was feeling much like life had been in the old days <i>(the 70's and 80's).</i> </p><p>I myself slowed down a bit and decided to use my daily time in the kitchen (this is where we did school work), to do some cooking, baking, and canning, while Miss W did her schooling. After years of failure, I learned to make some pretty decent cookies, and loaves of homemade bread were always available to family and friends. I even made some pretty great jelly, that lasted about five minutes in our house. </p><p>I also noticed that how I felt about the world and what was going on in it, was also changing. I was realizing that the big things like politics and even COVID, I was very limited on what I could do or change. What I could do though, was change me and maybe here or there in some small way, change my little piece of the world. </p><p>As we drew closer to election time, after a summer of countrywide upheaval and unrest, I grew more and more discouraged with social media and the people on all sides of the issues, as they seemed to all have become angry, hateful and so self-assured that they were right, that there was no longer anything even resembling respectful discourse. I began to shut up and just watch people implode upon themselves. Then I just gradually walked away. </p><p>It was about this time, just after the election but before Thanksgiving, that I went to the doctor. It was my yearly visit and he looked at me with a bit of disdain. I was on two kinds of blood pressure medicine, and my BP was still 140/100. He was not pleased and truthfully, neither was I. He gave me a month to get it down, or we were going to have to have a<b> "serious" </b>talk. I walked out of the office numb, as I had a million reasons why it was likely so high, but I wasn't sure how or even if I was going to make any changes. With everything in the world, I was just so neutral in my emotions that I really felt kind of stuck. </p><p>Something must have hit a chord with me though because, on that day, I made a conscious effort to "social distance" myself from social media and to make a very unplanned and unexpected stop on my way home. </p><p>My older son Wes, for several years, had devoted at least 3-5 nights a week to working out. Sometimes he went to our local gym and sometimes he worked out in the garage, but it had become as much a part of his routine as breathing. I know the rest of us, who in his vision did nothing more than lie around the house and eat, frustrated him. He watched us get sick, struggle with our health, and live in a mess of stress. I watched him though too. His body had definitely changed over time and he was strong as an ox. He did on rare occasions catch some precarious bug flitting through the house, but while the rest of us might be down for a week, he was usually up and over it in a day or so. I knew what he was doing was working and I also knew that working out on a regular basis was keeping him sane. </p><p>Just weeks before, about 5 minutes down the road, there was a new gym in town. It was a Planet Fitness that was now taking residence in an old Dillons building. I had driven by it tons of times as they gutted and prepped the building. They were running sign-up promotions long before the building opened and even though there were already a couple of city-run gyms within a 10-mile vicinity, people seemed to be flocking to<i> the new kid in town</i>. Wes was one of those and he is pretty particular about his gyms and what he expects from them. He seemed please though. </p><p>So on that day, when the BP was high and I was blah, my car, as if having a mind of its own, drove right into the Planet Fitness parking lot and stopped. I had no idea what I was doing there, but I figured with all the hype I had seen, it wouldn't hurt to check it out. As I walked in the door, I was hit with Beyonce singing <i>"Put a Ring on It,"</i> and <b>purple! </b>There was purple everywhere.....<i>and it was pretty</i>. </p><p>A young adult behind the counter greeted me. I told him that I was just looking and he said, <i>"Let me show you around." </i>There were free weights, weight machines for every part of your body, bikes, ellipticals, treadmills, and stair climbers. There was also a 30-minute room where you could get a full-body workout in 30 minutes and other rooms with machines and pulleys and things that I had no idea what they were. They also had tanning beds, massage chairs, and <i>hydro massage chairs and beds.</i> I hate to say it, but this place had me at <i>the pretty purple.</i> </p><p>As if my mouth had a mind of its own, I heard myself telling them to sign me up. I wanted "the black membership," which included all the bells and whistles.....especially that hydro massage chair. I had no idea what that was about, but I knew that someday in the near future, I was going to find out. </p><p>When I drove off, and the shock of my impromptu membership hit me, I wondered if this was going to be like <b>ALL</b> the other gym memberships that I had joined and never used. Somehow, I didn't think so, but I wasn't going to get my hopes or anyone else's hopes up just yet. </p><p>With Thanksgiving so close and everyone's schedules so crazy, I was only able to go to PF, a couple of times before turkey day. It was a test to see if my body would even allow me to exercise. I had visions of myself passing out in the first five minutes or worse, only going in to use the hydro massage chair and leaving. Because of this, I made a deal with myself. I could only try the chair after I had gone to the gym regularly for a month. </p><p>I started out slow, doing only light cardio, to find out what my body was capable of. It began with 30 minutes on the treadmill. Then I began to change up speed and incline and worked my way up to 45 minutes and then an hour. When I knew my legs would not crumble or give out under me, I then added the elliptical. I started with 15 minutes and worked my way to 30 minutes, using the elliptical for 30 and the treadmill for 30. Again, I would change speeds and inclines and would try to get the biggest bang for my buck in the 30 minute time allotment. Before I knew it, it was the New Year and I had managed to get to the gym 3-5 times each week. It was time for <i>the hydro massage chair</i> reward. Let me just say, it is <i><b>all that and a bag of chips</b></i>. I only have time to use it on the weekends, but you can bet, every Saturday and Sunday, my workout ends with <i>the chair.</i> </p><p>So here we are and it's almost the end of January. I am still making it work so that I get to the gym 3-5 times a week, and if I can't figure any other way, I will drag myself out of bed and get there by 4 a.m. to ensure that I am putting myself and my health first. It seems to be paying off, as I went to the doctor Friday and my BP is 110/68 and I have lost 11 pounds. The doctor said if I keep the gym up, that in a month or so, he will start weaning me off the BP meds. <b>YAY!</b></p><p>Starting in February, I am going to start working with a personal trainer (all part of that black membership) and start working on my strength and muscle tone. This body has to stay strong in order to lift David's body around. </p><p>It has been an amazing experience that I am really surprised at myself over. I honestly think that the two things that won me over were, Wes's dedication and <i>the purple.</i>...oh, and the chair. I have now been going long enough that my body seems to crave the workout. Today though, my body will just have to be happy with rest as my bed is about as far as I am going. </p><p>I think I have an ear infection. I can't hear, I feel water slushing in my ear and I get dizzy every time I stand up. I got up to get ready for church this morning and it took me about 2 seconds to realize that driving or even walking, weren't going to work for me today. I am trying very hard to get better about listening to my body and taking care of me. So this is me taking care of me. I can't just lay here and do nothing though, so I blog. I know the ears will be fine very soon and then I will be back to church, the gym, and my life. </p><p>Here's hoping that you all are doing well, finding your way in this new year, and taking care of you! Until next time....be safe, be happy, be kind, and I hope you find your own pretty purple thing. </p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>Lisa Jacques Elamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09436627482635590384noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5480826801642195904.post-47030400993961436072020-06-14T20:11:00.002-05:002020-06-14T20:11:25.197-05:00The Next Seven Days<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<b>Diets.</b> They are the downfall of my self esteem and all that is good and holy in my life. If you have read this blog before, you will know that in my lifetime, I have tried many different diets/lifestyle changes/implements of torture. All of them work for awhile, but they are all only as good as the user and<i> this</i> user has issues.<br />
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The last "diet" I was on, was <i>Trim Healthy Mama </i>(THM). Now don't get me wrong, it is really a good lifestyle and I lost weight on it, but it definitely is not without it's problems. THM is very close to the KETO diet and it has a lot of sound healthy things going on within it. It is really good for people with gluten issues and those who are diabetic. It is a great way to get sugar out of your diet and to get your metabolism going. What it isn't for me is,<i> doable for life. </i><br />
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Forget that THM has you in the kitchen most of your day because everything is basically made from scratch and they insist that you eat every three hours, but after a year or so, I simply couldn't stomach the food anymore. Perhaps it was the six meals a day....<i>everyday</i> for 365 days or maybe it was just using the same combinations of food and the same seasonings in different ways. I don't know, but after a while, I just simply could not eat the main course meals anymore. I have talked to others who were also THM converts and they too had similar complaints, so it wasn't just me and my inner rebellion against diets.<br />
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It has been six years since I first started it, and although I have gone back and restarted several times, after the last time, my body just refused to try again. I literally started getting sick at the smell and the taste. That is not to say though, that I didn't learn a lot from the program and that it didn't leave some positives in my life.<br />
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First of all, I totally gave up diet Mt. Dew. That was an expensive blessing that I wasn't sad to see go. I also learned a bit about my metabolism. I found my new favorite drink that is actually healthy. I really did learn a new appreciation and love for cooking and I learned about some Vitamin C based drinks that truly help to ward off illness during the cold and flu season. There are a lot of other positives that came from the experience, but just like with any healthy eating venture, if you quit doing it, it quits working.<br />
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This year for me, like for many of us, has been a challenge so far. Between the mental and the physical along with the constant upheavals locally and all around, it has been really hard for me to find balance. I am a huge feelings eater and <i>lawdy</i> have I had feelings! I have also gone through trying prescribed diet pills (yes, I was that up in my feelings) as well as having all of my upper teeth pulled and getting dentures that are still a work in progress. It has been months of ups and downs both in life and my weight. Add in some emotionally heavy and very dramatic situations that have hit very close to home and my heart and I am what the text books would call....<i>a freaking mess.</i><br />
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So in the last couple of weeks, I have done a bit of thinking about where I am at and where I actually want to be. The two seem miles a part at this point. Would I like my thighs not to rub together when it's 90 degrees out? You betcha, but more than that, I would like to be healthy both physically and mentally and if my years have taught me nothing, it is that the two go hand in hand. You really need a balance of both to be truly healthy. That is when I decided to get real with myself and form a plan. As many diets as I have been on, I know that "a diet" or anything even remotely referencing "a diet" is not going to work for me. I also know that diet pills prescribed or otherwise, aren't the answer either. I felt like total crap the whole time I was on them. So if neither of those are the answer...then what is? Truthfully, I don't know, but I do know that I have enough knowledge on the subject thanks to THM, that I can sort of point myself in the right direction.<br />
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I actually do have a new found love of cooking and not just cooking, but the whole cooking from scratch thing. I learned from THM, the value and importance of knowing exactly what goes into your food. The extra additives in boxed or prepared foods are not only unhealthy but can also be part of why it is hard to lose weight. I have also gotten more adventurous in the last few months and started trying new foods and recipes. I'm actually not a horrible cook. Who knew? With all of this cooking though, there has also been a fair amount of eating going on too. So how do I cook the foods I want to and eat the foods I cook and not outgrow everything in my closet? After doing quite a bit of reading...and a few tips from THM....the key seems to be portion control and trying not to eat a lot of carbs and fats together. The concept for me is a work in progress but it does make me more conscious about what I cook and how I put foods together.<br />
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Of course as we all know, losing weight or more importantly....being healthy, is not just about what we put into our bodies. It is also about how we treat our bodies. Inactivity is unhealthy in any body regardless of size. Our bodies need movement to keep muscles and joints supple and working, They need exercise to properly oxygenate our organs and keep them functioning to the best of their ability. A sedentary body is a body ripe for injury, illness and mental health issues. It's true. The more active you are, the better off you are both mentally and physically. The only problem here is that I am not a huge fan of exercise. I really had to weigh (no pun intended) my huge love of eating over my huge dislike of exercise. The result? <i><b>Balance.</b></i> I can actually have my cake and eat it too, if I am willing to throw a workout or two in the mix to balance it out. Oh the sacrifices we make for love....<i>of food</i>.<br />
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When I began talking with myself about exercise, a million reasons why exercise did not fit into my life, started to bloom in my garden of excuses. Honestly, my life is pretty non-stop busy from the time my feet hit the floor until I go to bed, especially with David, the grand kids, the house, the laundry, the cooking and the yard. I stay pretty active all day, but there is active and then there is healthy exercise <i>active</i>. Since there are only so many hours in the day, I decided that the best way for me to get exercise in, is to combine it with my already busy household routines. To start with, on the days when I mow and workout in the yard, there is already some healthy activity going on there and if we are counting steps, by the time the yard is finished, I have put in a good 8000 steps on the yard alone. Add to that the bending down over and over to pick up the yard before mowing and the bending and stretching with various other yard activities and that is a pretty fair workout for the day. One day though, is not enough. So I had to get creative.<br />
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I can't really afford the luxury of a gym membership and in the best of times, I am pretty much a homebody. Since COVID-19 though, I am darn near a recluse and I kind of like it that way. I am willing to venture out several times a week and go for a 30 or so minute walk and when I have to go to the grocery store, I do consider that part of my walk regimen, but still I needed more....so I have decided to try and make my house....<i>my gym</i>. My house has two sets of 13 step stairs. One is to go up to the second story and one is to go to the basement and I climb up and down those steps at least 10 times/day. I have decided to double that and each time I have to go up and down with a purpose, I will add and additional up and down as part of a workout. I have also decided that since I manage to go in and out of every room in my house at least 3 times each day, that I am going to assign 15 reps of a given exercise in each room. For instance, in my room I have a big exercise stability ball. Each time I enter my room, I do 15 crunches on the ball. If I go in the upstairs bathroom, I do 15 jumping jacks. The living room is 15 push ups and in the laundry room I have dumb bells and I do 15 reps of different arm lifts every time I enter the room. Each room either has some kind of workout equipment such as bands or the stability ball or in the rooms that don't, I just do some sort of exercise that doesn't require equipment.<br />
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I tested this technique out a bit last week and really liked it and felt like I accomplished something without having to make a lot of extra time to workout. Starting tomorrow I will try to be absolutely dedicated to it for the the next seven days. I am also going to be dedicated to eating what I want, but paying attention to the portions, and as a side note, I am also going to make it a rule to not eat after 6 p.m. It is proven that this helps with weight loss and also makes it so that you don't have acid reflux all night. That is win/win in my book.<br />
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If you notice I said that I am dedicated to all of this for the next seven days. I figure that I can do anything for a week. At that time I can see how I feel, what the scales show and if I think this particular plan works for me. If it's not working, then I can change it up and figure out if I need to scale back more on the portions or add to the workouts. At any rate....it is a start and without a starting point, you can't take the next best step in the direction you need to be going.<br />
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The world doesn't appear that it is going to be settling down at all any time soon and with all that is going on, it would be very easy to succumb to the negativity both mentally and physically. The bottom line though is that the world is not responsible for taking care of me. That is my journey, my obligation and my choice as to whether I want to be the best me I can be or if I want to be a reflection of how unhealthy the world currently is. Only I can change me....so let's see what happens. </div>
Lisa Jacques Elamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09436627482635590384noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5480826801642195904.post-51920562712165406822020-04-16T13:47:00.001-05:002020-04-16T13:56:49.227-05:00Taking the Ick Factor Out of the Five Year Test<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Fear. I know the feeling well. The fear of illness is currently one of the top five fears in the world. It is not so much the fear of catching something and recovering, it is the fear of catching something and ultimately succumbing to it. The fear of something catching us off guard and changing both our long term and short term plans for our lives can literally be debilitating.<br />
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Funny, but during this whole COVID-19 thing, I have never felt fear. Maybe it is because I have done my research and know what to look for and have a plan of action for both myself and my family should it become a reality in my home. I am also aware, that while statistically my special needs son would be at the greatest risk if COVID made its way into my house, I am likewise aware that as a whole, my family is not at great risk for dying from it. Truthfully, at least in my world, there are many illnesses out there that are far scarier and far more life threatening to myself and my family. We have a family blood line full of Lupus and other various and no less treacherous auto immune diseases as well as an active cancer gene(s) that has made its way through, randomly effecting some while bypassing others.<br />
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Today though, I am here to talk about cancer and one cancer in particular.....<i>colon cancer</i>. Now cancer in and of itself, is an indiscriminate bully. It does not care what color you are, what ethnicity you are, how rich you are or how well you think you take care of yourself. And while it does tend to have a slightly higher tenancy in men than women, it is not gender exclusive.<br />
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Getting older, while a gift......as not everyone is afforded the privilege, it is not without its speed bumps and even a few giant hurdles. As our body ages, so do our cells, vessels, bones and organs and our bodies become far more susceptible to injury and disease. To stay on top of this susceptibility, starting at about 40, we have to start putting our bodies through testing that at times <i>"feel"</i> nearly as awful as the disease we are trying to stay on top of.<br />
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At 50, if we have had no major health issues prior and we aren't aware of any major family history of colon cancer, then most people are advised by their doctors to have a colonoscopy every five years. As preventative tests go, it is one of the more unpleasant ones, but also one of the most life saving tests you can have. But I'll talk more about that in a moment. For now, I will tell you what brought me to write this particular blog piece.<br />
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Last week, in the throws of all the COVID-19 lock down stuff, I had a scare. And under the mantle of <i>too much information</i>, I will tell you that the scare was blood in my stool. I dare to be so open about this because often people don't know what they need to be looking for so they ignore signs and symptoms. Because of my family history, I knew that this was something I needed to discuss with my doctor. It was funny too, because my last colonoscopy was in 2015 and I knew it was time for another one, but my plan was to wait until the lock down was over. Apparently God and my doctor felt differently.<br />
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After several days of having bright red blood and no knowledge of hemorrhoids or any other such issue, I decided that I better call my colorectal specialist (if you have heavy cancer in your family....you have one of those). His receptionist said that with the lock down, he was only doing emergency surgeries until June, but she wanted to check with him before scheduling me. Within a few minutes his nurse called me back and I was on the schedule for April 15th. There was something ironic about it being tax day....don't you agree?<br />
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Now here is where I tell you, if you haven't already experienced it, that when you have an issue that makes you concerned about having cancer and you are waiting on testing or results, it can take a toll on you mentally and emotionally. Most of us have known or loved someone with cancer and that is not a road any of us wishes to go down if we can keep from it.<br />
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Since this was not my first cancer scare, and with everything else going on in the world right now, I diligently and deliberately focused my attention on all that I could control in my life and left what I couldn't control to God. The week went by fairly quickly but as the day drew closer, fear did creep in here and there....after all I am human. Now <b>THIS</b> is where I am going to interject and say that many cancers, and especially colon cancer, are not caught early because of<i> fear. </i><br />
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No one wants to get a cancer diagnosis, but a stage one or two cancer diagnosis, where the cancer is caught early and is far more treatable is much preferable, than a stage three or four diagnosis where doctors are working against time and a disease that is continually progressing and the odds are much less in your favor. However, even with this rational reasoning, fear is irrational and sometimes it is the irrationality of the fear that keeps people from getting tested and staying on top of their health. They live by a <i>"what I don't know won't hurt me,"</i> mentality when just the opposite can be very true. Fear is a powerful immobilizer and in this case.....<b><i>fear can kill you. </i></b><br />
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Another reason that many put off or refuse testing for colon cancer is because of the test itself. Let's face it, it is not a test we really want to think about or talk about and if you have never had one, but only heard horror stories, then stepping up to the plate that first time can be almost as scary as the cancer itself. So let's do some real talk here.<br />
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First of all let me say that I totally get the <i>ick factor</i> in all of this. The truth is, we <b>ALL </b>have rectums and colons and many people out there have issues relating to both. We all poop! We also all have issues one way or another with pooping at some point in our lives and if we take care of ourselves like we are supposed to, by the time we turn 51, <b>ALL</b> of us should know what a colonoscopy is all about. Sadly, though, that is not the case, so maybe by writing this, I can take some of the grossness out of this, some of the fear and some of the stigma out of talking about colorectal disease.<br />
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Just an FYI, colonoscopies not only detect cancer, but they also detect a myriad of other diseases that can mess with your stomach, your bowels and your over all health. For some, colonoscopies start when the individual is much younger than 50, in the hopes of detecting irritable bowel syndrome, gluten disease and diverticulitis to name a few. Colonoscopies are also started earlier than 50 when there is an alarming rate of colon cancer in your close family tree or if you have done genetic testing and you have been found to have the colon cancer gene (there will likely be more on that in another blog piece at another time.) Normally though, in a normally healthy individual, colonoscopies begin at 50 and are done every 5 years after that until the age of 80 and from there, as prescribed by the doctor.<br />
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So you have heard the horror stories about the dreaded colonoscopy, but what are the facts? The facts are that the worst part of the scope is not the procedure at all, but the prep for the procedure. In order to have a colonoscopy, as you can well imagine, your colon must be clean and clear. This means that what is in there, must come out. About noon the day prior to your procedure, you start on clear liquids, no food and absolutely nothing RED to drink. Then about 6 p.m. and then again at 9 p.m., you get some truly nasty crap to drink. Mine came in two bottles. You mixed the bottles with 16 oz of water and had to drink it at the respective times. You are basically drinking the most awful tasting laxative of your life. The reaction time from drinking to making yourself comfortable on the toilet is about 30 minutes and depending on what resides in your colon, this can last from several hours to the entire night. Now while unpleasant (diarrhea is never fun), this part isn't too bad. A few magazines, a good book or a well charged cell phone and you just wait it out. The absolute worst part though is the ingesting of that laxative. For me, the first bottle went down okay, but the second was a bit dicier as I was worried that there would be puking involved too. What I figured out on the second one was that since you can't just shoot 16 oz like a shot, you can spread out the large gulps over about half an hour and if you drink water in between each gulp, it makes it much easier. Once the laxative is down, <i>the worst is over. </i><br />
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By the time you head to your procedure appointment, your colon is clean and other than feeling a bit dehydrated, you really don't feel too bad. They usually have you arrive an hour before your procedure and make sure you have someone to drive you home as you are under anesthesia for the procedure. Once there, they bring you back and have you strip completely naked and put on a gown. They then take you to pre-op where they administer an IV and also some fluids to replace what you have lost. Now for those of you who panic at needles, there is no real easy way around this, but I will say that most of the nurses who start IV's for surgeries are very good at what they do and the stick is far less painful than you might imagine.<br />
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Once the IV is in and the fluids are going, you simply lay there and wait your turn. When they wheel you back, they turn you on your side and the anesthetist says............. I have no idea what they say because I am usually out by then. In what feels like seconds you are waking up back in post op and the doctor has already filled your driver in on the health of your colon. From that point you wake up, get dressed and go home. They recommend you eat and drink light for the rest of the day and by the next day, it's like nothing ever happened.<i> And <b>THAT</b> my friends is a colonoscopy. </i><br />
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During the procedure, they will be looking for polyps or lesions that could be cancerous. They will usually remove any polyps they find during the procedure and biopsy any lesions they find. All are sent for pathology and in cases such as this, you may have a delay in your diagnosis. In most cases though, the procedure lasts about 30 minutes and you have results before you walk out. Blessedly, my case turned out to be diverticulitis (an inflammation of the bowel) which had caused the bleeding. It is a light case and easily treatable. Had it been something more though, since in most cases colon cancer is slow growing and since I am fastidious about getting my testing done, I would likely have caught it early and it would have been very treatable.<br />
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So yeah, getting older in some cases sucks, but knowledge is power and taking control of your own health and being pro-active can be the difference literally <i>between life and death</i>. I truly hope that for those of you who have never had the test and didn't feel comfortable talking about it with others, that this has helped you. For those that are putting it off, STOP! It is a few hours of discomfort for five years of peace of mind.<br />
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If you want more information about colorectal cancers, the disease, the statistics and the facts, please check out <a href="https://www.cancer.org/content/dam/cancer-org/research/cancer-facts-and-statistics/colorectal-cancer-facts-and-figures/colorectal-cancer-facts-and-figures-2017-2019.pdf">the American Cancer Society on Colorectal Cancer</a>. I hope you will take this to heart and take care of you and share this to help take care of others because......<i><b>CANCER SUCKS!</b></i></div>
Lisa Jacques Elamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09436627482635590384noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5480826801642195904.post-79479192803382505802020-02-09T14:03:00.004-06:002020-02-09T14:23:58.843-06:00So......I Did a Thing!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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I haven't given this blog much love recently. Well, today's topic seemed to fit on my health and wellness blog just right.<br />
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So....<i>I did a thing.</i> Before I fully disclose though, I need to give you a bit of a back story.<br />
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I was born in the 1960's and in my opinion.....dental care in my part of the country between the late 1950's and the early 1980's was little better than that in current England. Now I could be wrong, but my experiences with the dental profession have not always been anything to write home about.<br />
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As a kid, I was sick a lot with asthma which usually went into bronchitis and often times pneumonia. I was pumped full of medication from about the age of two, up until my late teens. These medications were not great for my teeth as some leached calcium and others just literally destroyed them with cavities regardless of the three times a day I brushed or the avoidance of sweets. To top it all off, the cavities I seemed to have developed every six months were filled with big silver fillings that stuck out like a sore thumb and I learned later in life, would cause the tooth to eventually break around the filling.<br />
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As I grew into an adult, my teeth became less and less a reason to smile. Now, I am not blaming it all on dentistry or meds, because every time I was pregnant, one of my favorite cravings was ice. No...not the crushed stuff, but actual cubes which I could chomp on. Four pregnancies later and my teeth had tiny fractures developing all through them. Apparently what vintage dentistry and pharmaceuticals didn't kill in my teeth, my ice chomping finished off.<br />
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In the last few years, my teeth have become a nightmare. I have lost teeth and done the whole partial thing and spent literally thousands of dollars trying to keep what I had in tact. Recently though, my partial (which is a story all it's own) started breaking off. My mouth was in constant pain and I was having roots of my teeth growing almost into my sinuses. It has been miserable to say the least.<br />
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Living on a very limited income, my needs usually come a very distant last, but when you are in constant pain and being told that the constant infections your teeth are causing can cause life threatening outcomes, I had to pull myself up the priority line. After calling around, I found that even with my dental insurance, the work I was needing was going to cost anywhere between $3000 and $5000 and this simply was not even a possibility. Of course though, neither was dying because I left my tooth infection unattended. Finally, one of the dentist offices I talked to gave me the name of a dental facility that was for low income and worked on a sliding fee, so I made an appointment.<br />
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Now, this dentist I saw was awesome. She was a young woman not too many years out of dental school with a great seat side manner who seemed very knowledgeable with a gentle touch. After much consultation, it was brought to my attention that even on a sliding scale, filling in my spaces and fixing my partial was going to be far more than I could afford. It was also going to be a situation that even if fixed, it would not keep the rest of my teeth from needing further work and attention and costing me more. The bottom line....the most cost effective thing to do for my teeth was to simply pull them all and get dentures. It about made me cry but realistically and financially this was what it came down to. Neither the dentist nor I were 100% happy with this idea, because she said my gums were still in okay shape and my bone was great and as far as I was concerned, I wasn't ready to turn into my grandmother who was constantly hunting her teeth and scaring small children while she was looking. <i>Okay....me! I was the small child she scared.</i><br />
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There was also the fact that even though dentures were the most cost effective, long term way to go, even on a sliding scale, it was going to be pricey. Luckily the offset would be that I would not be eating for awhile, so I could save some money there. <i>Right?</i><br />
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So yeah.....that thing I did.....<i>I decided to get dentures. </i><br />
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When I make a decision such as this, I have learned that the longer I think about it, the less apt I am to carry through and since this was a long term health affecting situation, I didn't really have the luxury of time to mull it over. I did do a little research and talked to my dentist in depth. She said that they would start with my top teeth since my bottom ones were still okay for now. They would pull all of the teeth and then give them six weeks to heal and then fit me with dentures and it would be another four to six weeks before I got them. I talked to others who had done this and a few suggested I be fit with a <i>healing plate</i> as soon as my teeth were pulled, as this would keep my gums from shrinking and be easier on me in the long run. It sounded good to me. I talked this over with my dentist and she said they didn't do the healing plates for a multitude of reasons but I think the biggest reason was cost. She did give me the name of other dentists I could go to if I wanted a healing plate. I called and the whole procedure would cost two to three times what I was already paying and the healing plate alone would be an extra $800-$1500. So no healing plate for this gal.<br />
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Thursday January 30th was the day. I went in, sat down and prepared to lose all my upper teeth, my smile, my ability to say words without a lisp and perhaps some dignity in the process.<br />
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The procedure began with 14 deadening shots. Nine were on the outside and five were behind the teeth on the upper palette. May I just say, I have not had much in life physically that hurt worse than those last five. I don't usually cry at pain, but those suckers almost made me. Once I was good and deadened, the extractions began. There was no pain, but there was a lot of tugging, pulling, pressure and the horrid smell of burning enamel and cauterized flesh. The process took about 90 minutes and as I walked out with a prescription for 10 tramadol and a mouthful of gauze, it was a given that talking would be out of the question for the next 24 hours.<br />
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I did okay the first few days and even realized that I could care less if people saw me without upper teeth or not. Who knew? I am not nearly as vain as I thought I might be. The real issue around other people for me though, has been my ability to speak. I can't speak well and therefore, I try hard not to speak at all.<br />
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By the end of the first week, things were beginning to change and I started having more and more pain and bending over or cold air hitting my gums was excruciating. The roof of my mouth had started swelling and I was developing sore spots everywhere I had been stuck with the needle on my palette. They then began to start breaking open. I called the dentist and was started on antibiotics. The pain did not leave and I was not sleeping and by around 3 p.m. every day, my mouth would be throbbing. I was fast becoming a royal bitch and no one....including myself wanted to be around me. My pain meds were long gone and I was surviving on ibuprofen and tylenol. Four days later, the infection was obviously still a thing and the pain was worse so I ended up in the ER. I had absesses where the five needle marks were. They ended up giving me a second antibiotic and said the infection was causing the pain. Lose the infection and the pain will be better. Sigh......<br />
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Today, I think it is beginning to be better. I can tell that the gums are starting to heal and although I still feel pain in my face and jaw, the swelling in the top of my mouth seems to be better. Perhaps we are now moving in the right direction.<br />
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If there is an upside to all of this, it might be that this is the most effective diet I have ever been on. I can't eat and even if I could, I likely wouldn't because the infection makes everything taste awful. I am surviving on water, the occasional smoothy and broth. I am sure as the pain subsides, other soft foods will be okay and taste better, but for now.....the <i>I Have No Teeth and an Infection Diet </i>are working wonders for my thighs.<br />
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In about a month, I will go back into the dentist and they will fit me for my dentures. It will be another chunk of <i>sliding scale</i> change up front and then I will get my dentures in another four to six weeks. I am told that the fun will not be over just then though. There will be trial and error once I get my new dentures as to the fit and my ability to learn to hold them in place, so actual eating may still be awhile off.<br />
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The dentist said after my dentures are where and how they need to fit, we may then have to talk about doing the bottom teeth. Wow! I just don't know. Perhaps though, if I end up being able to smile and talk again....not to mention eat, I may very well have a bottom set of dentures in my future. For now though.....we'll just wait and see.<br />
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So yeah.....I did a thing. I will keep you updated!<br />
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Lisa Jacques Elamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09436627482635590384noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5480826801642195904.post-38877434964436421212019-01-22T08:57:00.000-06:002019-01-22T09:10:00.004-06:00Two Weeks In<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<i>So you have decided to change your life.</i> You want to eat better, sleep better and just all the way around be healthier. Yeah....me too! Right now though, I am not just in the <i>"I want stage"</i> but I am in the actively proceeding forward, <i>"I am doing it"</i> stage.<br />
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A little over two weeks ago, I decided that I was going to give <i>Trim Healthy Mama </i>another go and I was going to see what I could achieve to better my health, my joy and my life. I knew THM would work....<i>if I worked it.</i> After all THM didn't quit on me.....I quit on it and more importantly, I had quit on myself. So here we are.<br />
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This time around, since I am not as much of a novice where THM is concerned, instead of focusing on how actually to work the program, I am focusing on how I feel and how to best tweak the program to work for me personally. Yes, that is the beauty of THM, there is leeway there to let you make the program work for you. Of course, you have to be mindful of your body and your health and pay attention to how eating, drinking and moving differently affects you personally. Then it is as simple as keeping what works for you and putting what currently doesn't on the back burner. I say put it on the back burner, because what I have learned about THM is, that just because something doesn't work for you in the here and now, doesn't mean that later on it won't be just what you need.<br />
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As I stated above, this time around, I am much more familiar with the program and how it works, so I am able to be a little more experimental. One thing that I notice, that I think I touched on in another blog post was that, as you become more entrenched in the program, your taste buds change. At least mine did. I remember when I first started out, things like apple cider vinegar in my drinks, mashed cauliflower, and the different breads made without white or wheat flour tasted off and admittedly, not appetizing at all. The fact that sugar was a no no, forced me to take out stock in Truvia as it was the only sweetener I could stand and I had to have a ton of it in everything. Things like Gentle Sweet and Super Sweet were not in the least appealing to me. Now though, here I stand today to tell you that I live on Good Girl Moonshine with yes....apple cider vinegar, I eat cauliflower in all forms and put it into just about everything and although I am still not a fan of some of the breads, I can eat them and I have grown a real affinity for sprouted bread. As for my sugar addiction....once again it is under control and I have grown a true appreciation for Gentle Sweet and Super Sweet as I have learned to use them in my cooking. I also no longer feel the need to add as much Stevia either and have lowered my intake dramatically.<br />
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This time around, I am also taking advantage of my THM cookbooks and trying different recipes such as <i>Reuben in a Bowl </i>as well as going back to some of my families favorites like <i>Egg Roll in a Bowl</i>. I am also learning as I have stated before, that by doing a little planning ahead, making a weekly menu and a reciprocating grocery list, that I am cutting way down on our food bill as well as waste. Also, most of these recipes make enough that there is plenty left over for lunches or to freeze for future meals. It cuts down on the impulses to go grab fast food because you are tired and by using your crock pot and/or Instantpot, you save a great deal of time in the kitchen.<br />
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So since starting back on THM on January 13th, as of today I have lost 4.8 pounds. Of course the first week is when I lost a big part of that, as not only was I eating better, but I also started drinking more water, which always flushes the system and sets your body up for success. Also, without getting too graphic or throwing out TMI, when we don't eat and drink well, our bodies don't process well. Our systems don't function efficiently from sleep to flushing waste from our bodies. Too much sugar, fat and carbs together and not enough vegetables and healthy fats can cause our systems and our metabolism to slow down to nothing. We can feel like slugs moving through our day. Once back on THM though, I could feel everything starting to work properly again and I was functioning better, enjoying my food more, sleeping better and just all around feeling better. So while the weight loss is nice, the NSV's that are associated with all of this are sometimes even better.<br />
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<i>NSV's you ask?</i> NSV's are <i>non-scale victories</i>. While the numbers on the scale might be my goal, the NSV's are what will actually keep me motivated between weigh-in's and help me to stay focused on what is important in all of this.....<i>me and my health</i>. From time to time you may notice me putting far more emphasis on the NSV's in my life than on the numbers and that is the way I feel it should be. In fact, in my opinion, the NSV's have far more value to me than the numbers ever will.<br />
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In the little more than two weeks I have been doing this, my blood pressure numbers are also getting better, but I am still not where I want them to be and I refuse to rely solely on medication to get me there. After all....my end game is to be off blood pressure medication altogether (another important NSV for me). As I have been focused on getting back into the swing of eating these last weeks, starting this week, I plan on adding some movement and dare I say <i>exercise</i> into the mix. I had already started doing some very light yoga in the morning and in the evening and it does help how I function throughout the day and sleep at night, but this week there will be <i>walking</i>. We shall see how that goes in the days to come.<br />
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The one thing that I have learned through my past on THM and through my life in the last year is that......<i>any goal is achievable if I want it badly enough and am willing to work for it</i>. I have also learned the valuable lesson that <i>I can do nothing without help from my Higher Power, </i>meaning that when I am weak of will, He will pull me through....all I have to do is ask. I am also fully aware that in order to change things, I must be willing to put in the work and love myself enough to want the best for me. I can't do anything for someone else. I <b>MUST</b> do it for me. And finally, I can't eat an elephant in one bite, but I can eat him one bite at a time. In other words, I will not lose 100 lbs, be healthy and feel great in a week. However, if I take it one step at a time, one meal at a time and one NSV at a time, I will not only reach my goals, but quite possibly exceed them.<br />
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So there you have it. I am two weeks in and still going strong. Yay me and yay THM!<br />
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Until next time.........</div>
Lisa Jacques Elamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09436627482635590384noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5480826801642195904.post-88349782290935005992019-01-17T05:33:00.001-06:002019-01-17T05:33:45.235-06:00Some of the Things I Like About THM<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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My apologies to any Trim Healthy Mama pages that I might have offended or broken their rules with my last blog about the challenge I was doing. It was not my intention and I promise to be more careful going forward.<br />
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Getting back on the old THM horse has been really good for me. Even though it has only been a few days, I can tell I am feeling better and I haven't had a flair up of acid reflux at all. That in itself is a blessing.<br />
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And before we go any further, let me just say how much I <b>LOVE</b> the THM mantra....<i>Keep it simple, keep it sane</i>. How great is that? This has been my emerging plan for my life for awhile, but then to find it in my eating program too....how could I possibly align myself with any other eating plan?<br />
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Now moving on....since it is a new year and many are just beginning THM for the first time, I thought I would share a few things that I personally have learned about THM. Many beginners start out very curious about <i>Good Girl Moonshine</i> and it seems when people try it for the first time there are often mixed reviews. Something I have learned about eating (and drinking) the THM way is that our taste buds seem to change while on plan(for the better) and more importantly, everything can be adjusted to our own individual taste. I was always a Diet Mt. Dew girl. I drank tons of it. The first GGMS I ever tried was one I saw on Pinterest which I believe was called something like "Just Like Mt. Dew". This drink totally saved me when coming off of my long and faithful addiction to <i>the Dew</i>. I know that many are thrown by the apple cider vinegar, but trust me, after a while, you won't be able to drink a GGMS without it...and even better, soda's and diet soda's simply won't taste right to you anymore. At least that is how it has worked out for me.<br />
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Another tried and true THM drink, <i>The Singing Canary,</i> is something I can't live without. It also is an acquired taste but in the summertime there is something so thirst quenching about it and in the winter, it helps to keep my immune system boosted and keep me healthy. It has become a drink that I drink at least three times per week year round and the health benefits are worth every sip.<br />
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Tumeric (yes the spice) has become one of my daily <i>go to's.</i> I had actually started adding tumeric back into my diet several weeks ago, as I was having a lot of pain in my back and shoulders. I had done a lot of reading and found that it can really help with muscle and joint inflammation and pain. My Singing Canary calls for tumeric, but I have also started adding it to different dishes I make and then before bed, I have a cup of tumeric tea. I have noticed that my back and especially my shoulders are much better.<br />
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The one draw back I find to living the THM life is that I spend a great deal of time in the kitchen both cooking and cleaning up. I do a lot of dishes every day and find myself very grateful for my dishwasher. On the upside of things, spending all that time cooking, I know how every dish I make is prepared and I know the exact ingredients of everything. It is much healthier for all of us and there is no worry that unhealthy or allergy causing agents will be in our food.<br />
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One absolute huge positive of doing the THM program is that my grocery bill has actually gone down. When I knew that I was going to be back on THM, I went to the THM website and purchased a large size protein powder, gentle sweet, super sweet and baking blend. Those I knew would be staples I needed to always have on hand. Now, I just make a weekly menu with recipes from the THM books and from Pinterest and then I buy only the things I need for that week. Gone are the shopping carts full of junk food, processed foods, frozen meals and soda. I make a list, stick to it and I shop at Aldi and Walmart. My grocery bill now stays much lower and we have little to no waste because I am not buying large quantities. It has been working out really well.<br />
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The advantages and benefits of doing THM, far outweigh having to do a little more cooking or a few extra dishes. In fact, I personally find that it makes me much more aware of what I am putting into my body and how those foods are affecting it. Eating right and avoiding all the sugar has helped me to cut down on my migraines and I don't feel the bloat and discomfort that is often felt with overeating or by just simply eating the wrong foods. I walk away from the table feeling full and although snacks are encouraged because we eat every three hours, I often find snacks difficult, as I am not hungry enough for a snack when that time rolls around.<br />
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If you are new to THM and just starting to get your feet wet, I highly suggest that even if you can't be on plan 100% of the time, that you try to stay on at least 50% and gradually allow the unhealthy foods like sugars to slowly fall out of your daily intake. I know that if you stick with it, you will be glad you did.<br />
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Well, I am off to have a breakfast of THM pancakes and my Singing Canary. Hope you all have a fabulous day.<br />
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Until next time............</div>
Lisa Jacques Elamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09436627482635590384noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5480826801642195904.post-83710297963897810382019-01-13T14:29:00.000-06:002019-01-13T14:50:56.003-06:00Let The Challenge Begin<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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So today begins a new challenge. A <i>Trim Healthy Mama challenge</i> that is. I am truly excited and ready to go. The first time I lost a substantial amount of weight and realized that this 50 something mom and grandma could actually lose weight, was through a THM challenge. Of course when life got tough, I quit putting the work in and I quit feeling that I deserved the benefits of a healthy life and before I knew it, I was once again hitting the bottle (<i>the diet mt. dew bottle that is</i>), carbs and fats were freely mixing and I was stress eating over everything from what was happening on <i>the Young and the Restless,</i> to what was going on in real life.<br />
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Now, here I am again with the keys to the kingdom of health and this time....I hope to prove to myself once again, that I can do this and that I am worth it. This time, I have a little more understanding about myself and I am a lot more motivated than I have been in the past. My health has become a huge motivator ever since my blood pressure started to rise and I had to be put on medication for it. I promised myself that it was going to be a short term fix, as I vowed to myself to lose the weight so I could lose the medication.<br />
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I also have been dealing for years with GERD or acid reflux disease. Again, I am on medication for this ailment and if I don't take it religiously, I suffer horribly. Even sometimes taking it faithfully doesn't help if I eat too late or eat the wrong foods. I will find myself awakened from a sound sleep about 2 a.m., gagging and choking with my throat and esophagus feeling as if they are literally on fire. My doctor told me that if I lose the weight I could cut these issues down to almost nothing. I am also anxious to cut down on the medication for this disease too, as it is being proclaimed to cause dementia. Not something I want to have to deal with down the road.<br />
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So this particular challenge will run from today through January 31st. It is a short challenge in that it is only 19 days long, but there is a certain beauty in that. Most anyone can do anything for 19 days and it is a great way to dip my toes back into the full on THM program and remind myself just how good I feel on this plan.<br />
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This challenge is run by Chrissy Benoit through <i>The (THM) Challenge Group</i> page. In this particular challenge, we have to eat 100% on plan with few or no crossovers. We must exercise at least 15 minutes/day at least four days per week and we must eat at the table without the distraction of computer, phone or tv. <i>OH.</i>...and there is one more thing which I think is so cool and I have never done before. We have to make a <i>vision board. </i><br />
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I have always loved the idea of a vision board, but I have just never done one. So....I decided if I was going to be all in on this challenge....that I was going to be....<i>all in.</i> I made my vision board yesterday It is the picture that is at the top of this blog post. I had no idea how to make a vision board, so I decided to go to my favorite internet spot (YouTube) and I found a video that showed me exactly how to do it. Not only did I make it, but I also went to Walgreens and printed it off and found a frame for it. It will be the first thing I see each day and hopefully the motivation I need to help me see my way through this challenge.<br />
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Going into this, I have no big numbers in mind and no outlandish goals. I have the guidelines set for the challenge and my only hope is to take it one day at a time and stick as closely to the rules as possible. Then we will see where I am and how I feel on the 31st.<br />
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If you too want to get back on the wagon and start not only looking better but feeling better, head on over to <a href="https://www.facebook.com/groups/THMchallengegroup/">The Challenge Group </a>and get on board. It's not too late and just think, 19 days from now you are going to be so glad you did.<br />
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Until next time........</div>
Lisa Jacques Elamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09436627482635590384noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5480826801642195904.post-64720883356384472802019-01-09T06:20:00.002-06:002019-01-09T06:37:09.580-06:00This Fat Girl Can't Do Yoga<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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This fat girl can't do yoga! Now before everyone gets upset and starts saying that I am <i>"fat" </i>shaming myself, let me stop you right there. First of all I am not. I am stating facts. I am the f-word. If you want to be technical, according to my weight app, I am <i>"Obese class II"</i>. Fat in my book sounds so much better. Fat can be worked on and changed. Obese is a medical term that sounds like a disease that I might never recover from. In my head, fat I can do something about, obese....maybe not. So no shaming here at all. I am not ashamed, simply determined.<br />
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I have had great success with Trim Healthy Mama in the past, but it is not a miracle cure that once I lose the weight it stays gone. Just like anything in this life, it takes work and effort. Even though I felt great and my doctor was over the moon at all of my numbers and my overall health when I was working the plan, when I gave up on me and started eating unhealthy, chemically enhanced junk again and quit making myself a priority, the weight and the health issues came back with a vengeance. <i>So what's a girl to do?</i> I can either be Obese class II girl (or worse) or I can do what I know will work and what will get me healthy again. I can make myself and my health a priority.<br />
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Back in November, I started having blood pressure problems. Granted, some of it was due to stress but a lot of it was due to the way I was eating and the fact that although my life was busy, exercise was not a part of my routine. I ended up on blood pressure medication, but in my head I told myself that this was not going to be my life. My doctor even told me if I lost the weight, the blood pressure would come down and when that happened, he would gladly take me off the medication. Cool. Along with the blood pressure issue though, other parts of my body were starting to suffer from age, inactivity and the wrong kind of activity. I was starting to have real trouble with my back, shoulders and neck. I knew this trouble was coming from the constant lifting of my 18 year old special needs son. He is now nearly as tall as I am and weighs about 90 lbs. The fact that I don't do any real exercise, but then I lift him and his wheelchair multiple times a day puts me in the high risk category for destroying my muscles and joints, not to mention breaking bones. Any or all of this could put me out of commission for some time to come and make me useless as my sons caregiver. Yes, it is time to do something.<br />
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My doctor has suggested strength training for me. Being the stubborn person I am though, I am just not ready to step into a gym yet. I also am a control freak and feel like I can do it ALL myself so I am not ready to give up the possibility of home workouts until I have tried them and given them a fair shot. Thus came the idea of yoga. I have heard so many people with chronic conditions such as fibromyalgia or people who simply can't do regular exercise sing the praises of yoga and I knew from everything I read that it would likely help my back and muscles that were desperately in need of stretching and moving in more ways than just dead lifting 90 pounds over and over again. I also figured that yoga would be a nice "gentle" way to start working back into exercise and movement and I even had a plan.<br />
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I spent several days on YouTube watching yoga videos and trying to find something that I thought would be easy and effective. I actually found a whole series that I thought would be great. So I got my yoga mat and one day I declared "The day" and I began. The first video I started with was a 15 minute morning video. It basically stretches you, wakes you up and gets your day started. I LOVED it. It was perfect and it really and truly has helped me with my tight shoulder muscles and my over all feeling of well being. With that being such a success, there was also a nighttime video to do just before bed. WOW! This one was also about 15 minutes long and it was phenomenal for helping me to shut down the day and relax. I am actually sleeping better. Yay! I am now two for two. I had to know that this winning streak was about to end.....<i>and how right I was</i>.<br />
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Since the morning and night yoga videos were so amazing, this same lady has 30 days worth of videos called "30 Days of Yoga". If you read up on them, this is supposed to be for anyone (beginner and beyond) and each day teaches you a new set of poses until after 30 days, the thought is that <i>you/me/I</i> should be fairly proficient at yoga. Well, this woman had not let me down so far, so let the <i>Downward Dog</i> begin. Now let me just say, Day #1 was 26 minutes long and I nearly died. No....seriously.....<i>I nearly died</i>. One of the poses she thought my Obese class II (aka fat) body should fold into cut off my air supply and I almost passed out. The only thing that saved me was the thought of my family coming home to find me dead in this less than attractive pose. Getting out of this pose with my body intact was no small feat...but I finally managed it. Then I had to plank. Planking looks far easier when someone who is long and thin does it than when someone is 5'1" and fat does it. I planked for 1/2 a seconded and then hit the mat sweaty and vowing to never eat sugar again. The sad thing was, I was only 4 minutes into the video. I spent the next 22 minutes calling this skinny yoga girl names and feeling sorry for myself because I was fat, sweaty and unable to bend without passing out or hold my own weight up with my toes. <i><b>How had I come to this? </b></i><br />
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Now don't get me wrong, I am <b>NOT</b> bashing yoga. Well, I actually was that day, but in general I am not. I have seen amazing things in myself with the truly beginner stuff in the morning and nighttime videos and I know that in time I will be able to get through more than 5 minutes of these videos and in fact master them, but not yet....and I am okay with that. It is simply a consequence of what I "chose" to do to myself with years of not taking care of myself.<br />
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I continue to do my two daily videos and I have gotten back on THM. The eating right alone makes me feel 100% better, but with the life I lead, I also need the exercise and some form of muscle toning/strength training. That being said, like everything else in life, I have to take it one step at a time. Starting on January 13th, Chrissy Benoit who runs the <a href="https://www.facebook.com/groups/THMchallengegroup/">THM Challenge Group page</a>, is starting a new challenge for the new year. I am all over this. I do fairly well with challenges and I hope to succeed yet again with this one. I am also joining my local gym during these winter months so that I can start a regular walking routine that isn't weather constricted (<i>see....I am also working on my control issues too</i>). I have weights at home and bosu ball that I plan to use to start working on my core and muscle tone and yes I will continue to keep up with my morning and evening yoga and hopefully gradually start my 30 day yoga "challenge" again. I figure at the rate I am going, I should make it through those 30 days in about a year.<br />
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The lesson here is that we have to be realistic about who we are and where we are with our health. Saying I am "fat" doesn't mean I am ashamed or devastated by it. What it does mean is that I have an issue that could turn into a "real" life long problem for me if not taken care of and only I can love me enough to fix it. By staying realistic, I am not nearly so apt to deny my situation or let my health fall through the cracks. Reality can be really ugly if we refuse to acknowledge it, but the moment we choose to acknowledge it, is the moment we can take control and choose how to proceed. That's what I am doing.<br />
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So the reality is....<i>this fat girl can't do yoga...<b>today.</b></i><b> </b>In the tomorrows to come though, I plan to make yoga my b*tch!<br />
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Until next time........Lisa Jacques Elamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09436627482635590384noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5480826801642195904.post-38372457272478880872019-01-05T12:23:00.000-06:002019-01-05T13:03:58.430-06:00The Year of You<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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So you are sitting on the couch in yoga pants and a t-shirt, wearing house slippers, hair uncombed, teeth unbrushed, no make-up (<i>of course</i>) eating chips and feeling like last years Prada bag (out dated, unwanted and embarrassed to be seen with). Be honest, we have all been there. Some of us are even there now. Statistically we all usually end up here at least once during the first week of the year. Why? Because January 1st we were gun-ho on a new year, new hope and new body. By day four we realize that this would all be great if we weren't stuck with the same old problems, same old life and same old attitude. Day five we are planted firmly on the couch looking like someone out of the <i>People of Walmart</i> showcase. <i>Sigh....... </i>So how do we stop the insanity of this hamster wheel that seems to rule our life? By simply getting off and refocusing. We got here because we don't think we are worth the time and effort it takes to actually get dressed, comb our hair, brush our teeth and for goodness sake.....<i>throw on a little eye-liner.</i><br />
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Woman to woman, wife to wife and mother to mother we all know that if our husband needed us to help him change his life or if our kids, parents, brothers, sisters or next door neighbors poodle, needed anything, we would be there giving it our all. Haven't we proven this a million times over by getting up with the kids at night so our husbands could sleep or doing over time on a kids project that they were supposed to do a week ago but decided to tell us about the day before? How about the times we have run errands for or taken care of other family members or friends even though we had our own errands, situations, jobs and lives to look after? They became our priority and we kept falling further and further down the ladder. So why can we give 100% for everyone else in the free world but when it comes to ourselves, yoga pants, bad breath and potato chips are the best we can do?<br />
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Part of our problem derives from the fact that we live in a "martyr" society where someone sent out a memo that women were always supposed to put literally <b>EVERYONE</b> ahead of themselves. We are nurturers and care givers clear down to our DNA. We are mom's, daughters and wives. All of the people we call family and friends are supposed to come first and we take the leftovers. Sadly, by the time we get to the leftovers, we have nothing left over to give ourselves. <i>And the world just keeps on turning......</i><br />
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Now that we know we are in a rut and kind of sort of why.....<i>how do we change it? </i>We change it by putting ourselves....our own wants, needs and even desires ahead of everyone else for once. Yes, I heard you shutter and murmur...<i>"Well that's just selfish. I can't do that."</i> Some of you may have even been so outraged by what I said that you pulled yourself up off your cross, just long enough to stop reading. For those of you who didn't though.....what I am trying to say is this: Of course as moms and wives we can't just run off to the Bahama's for a month and enjoy being served fruity drinks with umbrellas by a hunky guy named Benicio. However, we can test the waters of our new found worthiness and give ourselves a week where we "choose" to put ourselves first. So how do we do that you ask?????<br />
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Last I heard, marriage and children were a partnership. You are not an evil ogre if you ask your husband to get up with the kids a time or two at night. He after all, did sign the same <i>"for better or worse" </i>document that you did. You are also not the world's worst parent if you tell your child that they need to be more responsible and because they didn't do the project when assigned, they are responsible for the consequences of their grade....<i>not you.</i> I have heard tell that some may look on that last one even, as good parenting (<i>those waters are still a little muddy for me though.</i>) As for the rest of the family, friends and neighbors, you can't always be all things to all people. It is okay to tell your mom that you have your own things to do today but on another day when you are out and about you would love to pick her up an Enquirer and a pack of Camel's or tell your sister that in fact you cannot look after her hyperactive two year old while she goes out for drinks with the girls. As ridiculous as this all may sound, the fact is, it is very hard for us as women to detach from all the things we <i>think </i>we are supposed to do for other people and bring the focus back to us.<br />
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So here's the deal. I challenge you all for one week to give yourself the gift of <i>time for you</i>. Take the time to actually get dressed and groom yourself. (<i>Little fun fact: baby wipes do not equal a shower...ever!</i>). Also, take the time to eat a meal and while you are at the whole meal eating thing, love yourself enough to make it a <i>healthy and energy providing</i> meal. Trim Healthy Mama has many, many healthy snacks and meals that you can prepare almost as quickly as you can an unhealthy and chemically enhanced frozen burrito. Us <i>Drive thru Sues</i> live for these meals. Finally, now that you are taking care of you a bit, do something that gives you a sense of joy and peace just for you. It can be a quick nap while the kids are at school, a nice walk outdoors, reading a book or treating yourself to a pedicure or a massage. Just do something for you that you wouldn't normally do because you are busy doing for everyone else.<br />
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What we don't realize is that when we treat and take care of ourselves, we also rejuvenate ourselves. We put a little bounce back into our own step and start feeling like more than just everyone else's go to person. This promotes not only physical well-being, but it also helps us mentally and spiritually. It starts to make us feel whole again and a whole person not only freely gives <i><b>of</b></i> themselves but they also freely and joyfully give <i><b>to</b></i> themselves.<br />
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Well, there you have it. Now get up off that couch, put those chips away and forget about the new years resolutions you have already blown. This year, can still be your year, by taking one step at a time (<i>a shower would be a good first step</i>) and one day at a time. You are worth it and trust me...the real you is there and 2019 is her/your year to shine.<br />
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Until next time......<br />
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<br />Lisa Jacques Elamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09436627482635590384noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5480826801642195904.post-86559285668188589192019-01-01T10:35:00.000-06:002019-01-01T10:35:39.536-06:002018<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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And we're back! Happy New Year everyone. I hope this finds you all healthy, happy and feeling no adverse effects from last night.<br />
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It has been awhile. <i>Why?</i> Because I have been on the journey of a lifetime and I never left my living room. I must say that 2018 was the most difficult, miraculous, painful and educational year I have ever lived through. It brought me huge sadness, joy and wisdom just to cover the basics. I learned about my world, the people in it and most of all....<i>myself.</i> Funny thing though, at the end of the day when the dust had cleared from it all, my journey brought me right smack dab back in the middle of.....<b>Trim Healthy Mama.</b> <i>Hmmmm.</i>...you say. Curious?<br />
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Tell you all what. Go grab yourself a nice steaming cup of Bullet Proof Coffee (mine is butter toffee), wrap your blanket close around you and sit back and you and I will share the next few minutes as I tell you about my 2018 and my journey back to THM and myself. Go ahead. I'll wait!<br />
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Now that we are all comfy...... My 2018 was a roller coaster ride. There was sickness, total despair when I thought I might lose my home and great joy when my community, friends, neighbors and complete strangers rallied around my son and I and helped us to save it. I had no more than caught my breath from that when my youngest son who is special needs had to have a major spinal surgery which was touted to be his worst one so far. <i>How can it get worse when he almost died from one of the others?</i> This surgery however was necessary and ultimately life saving as well as quality of life saving. Blessedly, the surgery was in no way as bad as predicted and his recovery was one of the many miracles that happened in my life during the year.<br />
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In May I was given a bit of a roller coaster reprieve until July. Yep, July was when my world went into overdrive and I wasn't sure I was going to make it to see 2019. On July 2nd, (<i>which little fun fact.... is not a great day for me to begin with as it is the anniversary of my husbands death</i>), my older son came to me and told me that he was a meth addict. Yes, he was a full fledged, shooting up 5-7 times a day, addict. It was the beginning of a nightmare few weeks where I started to recognize things I had denied and started seeing who he, myself and a few others really were.<br />
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Those first weeks nearly killed me, <i>literally,</i> as I lived off diet soda, stress and no sleep. I rallied to help my addicted son, sure that I could cure him, fix him and save him. I was in 24/7 Superwoman mode constantly on the phone trying to find a place to take him, a place for him to stay and counseling. As quick as I had something in place and had him set up, he would walk back out. He preferred the streets and meth over rehab, counseling and sober living. I was devastated and still in "savior/victim" mode.....until I wasn't. Suddenly one day when all that was left of me was fumes and I nearly passed out in church, I realized that I was powerless over my sons choices, meth and addiction in general. I had no idea what I was going to do, but I knew what I was currently doing wasn't working and the path I was on was taking me on the fast track to ruining my health and possibly even killing me. I had a special needs son to think about and at this point in time, I needed to focus on him. That day I dropped my addicted son off at a gas station of his choosing, I drove home and went to bed. I think I slept for 14 hours straight. When I woke up though, my thinking was clearer and I went to my first Al-Anon meeting. I have never looked back.<br />
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Since that day, I have learned so much about myself and my own part in his addiction and I have learned about him. I have also learned a lot about life, my faith and who I am now <i>vs</i> who I was last July. My son is still an addict but in December, he decided to make some changes to his life and to begin recovery. As his mother I am happy but also leaving any expectations of the future out of it. I just pray each day he finds the strength and faith to keep taking it one day at a time on his road to recovery and I welcome any prayers you might give him, too.<br />
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So you can imagine, that it felt like I crammed several years worth of drama and an entire<i> tele novella </i>into one small year. When I started Al-Anon though, I was very surprised that much of what I was learning there was familiar to me. Then one day it hit me. Much of what THM teaches us walks hand in hand with Al-Anon. In both, you learn to put the focus on you while remembering that nothing we do is alone. God is always there. As someone who has always had faith, not until recently did I realize that there is a huge difference between claiming faith and actually walking the walk and talking the talk. Both Al-Anon and THM also teach us to forgive ourselves for our human weaknesses. The moment that was brought up in Al-Anon, I was immediately reminded of my first days reading about THM where they tell us that if we eat outside of plan, not to panic or condemn ourselves but to forgive our humanness and jump right back on plan in 3 hours. Finally THM also teaches us that although there is a plan set out before us, different things work for different people in the weight loss journey. Some people can eat crossovers and lose, some more S meals and some more E meals. It is up to each of us as individuals to find out what works for us on our weight loss journey. This same theme is shared throughout Al-Anon. The same thing doesn't necessarily work for everyone and it is up to each of us to find what does.<br />
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I also learned that my son is not the only addict in our family. I too am an addict and food is my drug of choice. As I learned about addiction and why people choose to continue a life of addiction even knowing the danger they cause to their health and their very lives, I realized that my drug of choice though legal, could have just as deadly of results in the end. Truthfully, I eat as a coping mechanism. I eat when I am depressed. I eat when I am stressed. I eat to hide from the world because in my "sick" way of thinking.....food is my only friend, enjoyment and escape.....and yet it is slowly destroying my health, my quality of life and if not addressed and dealt with, could eventually take away my life. Yep....it sounds like addiction to me.<br />
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I am learning to deal with facing things....even the hard stuff....instead of letting it fester and become a reason to binge. I am learning to focus on what I can handle and handling it and then turning the rest over to God. I am mostly though, realizing that my focus needs to remain on me and to understand that I am a good person who deserves a good life. Sometimes keeping the focus is difficult, but when it is, I simply focus on the moment and getting through that. <i>Anyone can get through 60 seconds. </i><br />
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So with all that I am learning, I have discovered that even through all of the negative of 2018, it brought me far more positive. In this last year I have found a new sense of who I am. I have learned that I am <b><i><u>not</u></i></b> in control of anyone or anything but myself! I also learned that maybe it was not others that needed to change as much as it was my own outlook that needed a change. That I can fix.<br />
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I see the world through much different eyes now and I see me much differently too. For the first time in maybe forever, I understand that I am worth the effort of a walk, a yoga workout and the wisdom of THM. I am worth the time in the kitchen and the time spent learning new recipes and loving myself.<br />
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So with this new year on us, you would think that with all my new found awareness that I have oodles and gobs of resolutions to start the year. You would be wrong. Resolutions are expectations and expectations whether it be weight loss, working out or even expectations of others, seldom work out. When they fall through, then we feel as if its a failure. There is no room for failure in my life. Instead, this year I am making <i><b>decisions </b></i>and my decisions go no further than the moment. Remember...<i>we can do anything for 60 seconds</i> and with each moment, I will give myself the love, acceptance and focus that I deserve.<br />
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Yes, it has been a year. A good year. Maybe even a great year and I am grateful for every moment because through it all, I found self-acceptance, grace and most of all....<b>I found me!!! </b><br />
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I wish each and every one of you an amazing new year and I hope that 2019 is filled with 525,600 amazing moments for all of you.<br />
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Till next time........<br />
<br />Lisa Jacques Elamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09436627482635590384noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5480826801642195904.post-27142465651675229652018-08-26T11:59:00.001-05:002018-08-26T12:27:27.824-05:00The Mid-Century Me<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Much has happened in my world in the last year and much continues to happen on a daily basis. We all have those times I know, when we feel as if God is testing us and we are sure we are failing at a rapid pace. That is where I am. Yes, there are things going on in my life that are causing me to have to re-evaluate who I am, along with just about everything I have ever done and.....<i>*gasp*</i>..... having to make a few changes. And I for one....<i>don't like to change.</i><br />
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When I refer to <i>change</i>, I am referring to <i>changing </i>just about everything about myself from the inside out. That is, the way I think, feel and handle life as well as things such as my health and even my spiritual well being. These have been some huge realizations in my life and it has really made me think a lot about myself and just how much I need this.<br />
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Had things not happened in these last months the way they did and had they not been so earth shattering, I likely would not have been <i>"forced"</i> and yes....I mean "forced" to come to this place in my life. In the here and now though, the reality is, this might not be a bad thing. I had to come to some hard truths about myself and what I need for myself in order to continue moving forward.<br />
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It occurred to me, that we all have people and possessions in our life, that we truly love. So how do we take care of the people we love? We go out of our way to give them the best. We make sure their needs are taken care of and we show them every chance we get even in the smallest ways...whether its is making sure they eat right, helping them or simply by just wrapping our arms around them and telling them that we love them. And our beloved possessions? We all have at least one thing that holds some special sentiment to us and we treat it very special. We usually put it in a place where it is taken care of and we know that it will not be touched, broken or damaged in anyway. So if this is how we, or more to the point "I" treat the people I love and even the possessions I love, why does this care not trickle down to myself?<br />
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I am 55 years old and soon to be 56. Yes, I am a bit fixated on these numbers, not because I feel particularly old, but because that is a lot of years in my pocket that I have treated those I love and care about and even possessions much better than I have treated myself. Why do I not have equal love for myself? Why is my own health not as important to me? Why do I not guard my own feelings as closely as I guard others....and why is my own emotional and spiritual health not as important to me as my family and friends? Why do I treat myself in ways that I would never allow anyone to treat those I love. Even my possessions are better taken care of than I take care of myself and when you get right down to it....<i>.that is simply just wrong. </i><br />
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At 55, I am not old, but I am at the age where every working part I have is considered mid-century. Now we all know that even mid-century items, if well taken care of, can be even more beautiful and even more desired than the new "stuff" just coming off the line. However, mistreated, a mid-century item can need a lot of work, effort and even new parts to get it back into good working order. Yeah, I am the mid-century item that needs a bit of work.<br />
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When I was young, I treated my body like it was invincible and fluctuated between all out abuse and complete pampering but never did I really give myself what I needed. As I got older, got married and had kids, well I treated my body a bit better but I started sacrificing sleep, emotional needs and spiritual health for my family, friends and those around me. I learned to martyr myself and not say <b>"NO!"</b> only to find myself angry and resentful at the world because I felt left out and uncared for. Now mind you.....no one else made me feel left out and uncared for, this was simply the message I was sending myself because in the process of taking care of everyone else, I was not taking care of me.<br />
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Martyrdom is not all it is cracked up to be. While we are throwing ourselves on the cross for others, perhaps we are not being quite as <i>Christlike</i> as we think we are. I learned that in all my <i>"doing for others,"</i> while forgetting to do things for myself like sleep, pray and eat right that I wasn't always being as helpful and wonderful as I thought. In fact because I was lacking in my own personal life, I was creating holes that I was trying to fill by <i>"fixing"</i> others. In that fixing, I was actually controlling situations that I had no business controlling and I wasn't being all that helpful, at times robbing people of life experiences they needed to <i>fix</i> themselves in order to figure out their own lives.<br />
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So here I sit. I am mid-century and although I have most of my original parts, there seems to be a lot of rust and I might be a little worse for the wear, especially if I don't start treating myself as a loved and prized possession. Yesterday my blood pressure was 168/108. I have a BMI of 35 which is Obese II and I can't stand to look in the mirror. Does this sound like someone who loves and appreciates herself? It's not and this is where I am.<br />
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In the last few weeks, I have been taking baby steps in learning to do for me and take care of me. I am having to let go of just about all I have known or thought about before and open myself up to letting others do for themselves, staying in my own lane and minding my own business and focusing on my own health (both physical and emotional) and learning to not only know myself but to love myself. Trust me, it's a pretty tall order.<br />
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I started by making doctors appointments for myself. Apparently I have no problem making appointments for others or nagging them until they make their appointments themselves, so <i>why can't I do the same for myself?</i> I made up my mind to face the health fears I have at 55 and find out just what the realities of my health are, instead of worrying and living in fear to the point of not doing anything until it's too late. So far, the news hasn't been anything I didn't expect....<i>lose weight, start exercising and start taking better care of myself.</i> Big shocker! There are still a couple of appointments to go but whatever I find out....knowledge is power....<i>right?!</i><br />
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Now I am working to focus on me and leave other peoples problems to them and God. That's right, you can't control someone else, so why should I make myself sick over someone elses choices. I have to keep telling myself....<i>"It's none of my business."</i> By not worrying about others, it does free up time for me to focus on <b>ME! </b>Sound a little narcissistic? It's really not. In fact, it is almost the opposite. I think I have not focused on me for so long, because I was afraid of finding out who I really was. Maybe I would find out that if I focused on myself that I would have to hop down off that cross and see people, myself and the world in general differently. Maybe.......<i>I was scared! </i><br />
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While I have a very long way to go before I am polished up and ready to put myself on the showroom floor, I am starting to take the necessary steps to take care of me. I need to start viewing myself as truly loved<i> by me.</i> Each step I take in bringing myself back to life needs to be a labor of love whether it is the dreaded exercise or the eating right or by simply just saying <i>"No"</i> with no excuses to anyone about something I really don't want to do. I need to start asking myself <i>"What I want?"</i> and more importantly <i>"What I need?"</i> Those questions are a lot tougher to answer than you think.<br />
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What I am learning from all of this, is that as I start my journey back to <i>Trim Healthy Mama</i>, I am viewing both it and myself differently. This time, as I make my meals I don't view it as something I am doing <i>"to myself"</i> but <i>"for myself."</i> Just this simple thinking turns a chore into a gift and it truly makes a huge difference. Also, by doing all of this for myself and giving myself time to focus on me and my needs I am finding that I am losing my urges to binge eat. For me, binge eating always happens when I feel out of control and usually, I feel out of control because of someone elses issues. I can't control <i><b>them</b></i> into doing, acting or being like I want, so I feel out of control and the only way to gain control is to.....apparently mistreat myself with a tub of Rocky Road. Now though, I don't feel so out of control because I am minding my own business, focusing on my own issues and finding that I have a lot better chance of controlling myself instead of trying to control others. Of course, there are always those things that even in our own lives, they are simply out of our control. <i>What do I do then?</i> I hand it over to God and most importantly.......<i><b>leave it in His hands. </b></i><br />
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Now as I eat, as I exercise, as I focus on the moment and even as I pray, I am doing it all with the same love for myself that I have been showing others for years. It is a gift I am giving to myself. It is my hope too, that with this new found understanding of just how worth it that I truly am, that this love affair will continue for another half a century. This means that moving forward, most of my actions from losing weight to dealing with others will be done with<i> my</i> best interest and love of self at the heart of it all. The best thing though is....when we love, like and accept ourselves, we are so much happier and when we are happy, we want others to be happy and this will definitely show, in all we do. </div>
Lisa Jacques Elamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09436627482635590384noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5480826801642195904.post-91899163689683005532018-08-22T11:37:00.001-05:002018-08-22T11:37:38.366-05:00One Second at a Time<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<br />
I have learned many lessons in this last year. In fact, I have probably had more life skills training in the last 8-12 months than I have had in all the other 54 years of my life combined. You know the biggest lesson I have learned? <i>I don't know me at all. </i>In fact, much of what I thought I knew....I really didn't.<br />
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That is a strange statement to make with all the years I have lived. You would think by this time, I would be approaching wise...but I am not. In fact, I realize that my wisdom in this life is very limited. And all that sage advice I have given others? I am beginning to think that it was complete and utter BS. That's right. Most of that advice was unsolicited and therefore fell into the category of none of my business. That which was asked for, was me saying to them, what I would actually like to be true in my world but was not. So yeah....<b><i>BS. </i></b><br />
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And NO! I am not being self deprecating. I am being totally and 100% honest. That too is something new to me in the respect that I have spent a great deal of time lying to myself and probably lying to others based on the lies I told myself. Again....not self loathing, just a good dose of honesty.<br />
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So, we have established that my wisdom is limited and I haven't got a clue who I am or what I want to be when I grow up....and you know what? <i>That is perfectly okay.</i> It's not about what I don't know, but rather it is about what I know that I don't know and that I acknowledge I don't know it. Confused yet?<br />
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These last few months have put me on a journey that I had no idea I needed to go on, nor do I think I even wanted to go on, but I was left with no choice. It was either face life and the reality of all that is my world or spend the rest of my days in denial and misery.<br />
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One of the most important things I am learning is that I have spent my entire adult life doing for others so that they might see me as<b> "good enough."</b> What the hell? What is good enough? Who is the measurer of "enough" and why am I holding myself to a standard that I am not even sure exists? I have literally made myself miserable trying to get people to tell me I was good enough, when the only one that really mattered was the person staring back at me in my mirror. <b>WOW! </b>That was some deep and complex realizations.<br />
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Another thing I have learned is that I have been waiting for someone or some thing to make me happy. Again....<i>what the hell?</i> I have handed over complete and total control of my life to some non-existent entity. The reality is, there is no one or nothing out there that has the power to make me happy. The only one that has that kind of power and control is......<i>wait for it.</i>.....<b>ME! </b>And again....<b>WOW!</b> The control that I have been searching for all of these years has been right here all along.<br />
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Finally, I have lived in fear for the last 18 years. Tis' true. From 2000 to 2002, just about every fear I had at the time was realized. I had a premature, special needs child that hung between life and death, I lost my husband and I lost my mother. Since that moment, I have spent all of these years waiting for the other shoe to drop and often living with self-fulfilling prophecies. Yep.....<i>what the hell </i>yet again?!<br />
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Fear has become my way of life and integrated itself into just about every breath I take and every decision I make. There is nothing fearless about my life or me as a person. It is all fear-based and even just saying that makes me feel sad. What a waste of 18 years that I can never get back.<br />
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The good news is, you <i>can</i> teach an old dog new tricks and this old dog is learning. Yes, acknowledgment of my past behavior and the acceptance to know that I can't go back and change a thing but I can learn from it and move forward are amazing realizations. That is why these last few weeks I have done my best to take only learning moments from the past and leave the rest behind. I forgive myself for every moment wasted in fear, for every time I allowed myself to feel <i>less than</i> or <i>not good enough</i> and for every time I turned my power over to someone else or even nothing at all. It has been somewhat freeing, as if I have been climbing out of quick sand that all but devoured me.<br />
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I have also realized that along with having no control over the past, I also have no control over the future. It is very easy to fall into fearful thinking when you try to control that which hasn't even happened yet. I have given myself way too much "imagined" power over things that I know nothing of. I cannot predict the future and therefore giving it too much thought puts me into a power struggle where I truly have no power. In that battle....<i>I will always lose. </i><br />
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What I can control is the here and now. The moment. So I am taking my life back, one second at a time. For one second I can focus on the present. For one second I can put fear in my rear view mirror and be grateful for what I have instead of worrying about what I don't. For one second, I can look in the mirror and ask myself <i>what "I" need right now.</i>....and for this second....that is exactly what I am doing.<br />
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These are all pretty hefty realizations and they have come fairly fast. Granted, they may have been a bit forced as I was out of other options, but it seems that they are steering me on a whole new path I have yet to go down. They are changing how I think and how I focus my time and effort. They are making me take stock of what I have and not worry about what I don't and they are making me live in the moment, leaving the past and present to take care of themselves.<br />
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<i>So why I am writing all of this on this particular blog?</i> Because this blog is/was designed to help me to help myself not just be a healthier me, but to be a better me body, mind and spirit. That is what I am doing.<br />
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Today, I decided to let go of a fear and go on a walk. Now this may sound funny to you, <i>being afraid of going on a walk</i>, but it wasn't to me. It had been since 2016 the last time I went on a walk. At that time I was going 5 miles 3-5 times per week. Since that time though, I had let myself go. I wasn't eating right and I had gotten next to no exercise. I was literally terrified that I would get 10 feet down the street and that I wouldn't be able to catch my breath or that my legs, heart and body in general just wouldn't be up for....<i>.exercise. </i>This morning though, I knew that the only way to find out if my fear was real or exaggerated was to simply....<i>do it.</i> I gave myself the goal of 1 mile and I took off. Guess what? My breathing was fine. My legs, heart and body were fine and not only did I go a mile, but I managed 1.71 miles and I felt fine. The added benefit was that being out lifted my spirits and gave me some much needed time with nature and<i> the present. </i><br />
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As I walked, I was able to open my mind to what was going on in the moment. I did not allow myself thoughts of anything that happened before the walk or anything that "might" happen after. I stayed strictly in the moment and enjoyed the early fall morning. The air was humid and not a leaf moved. The ground was dotted with moisture from an early morning shower and everything felt clean. The trees were still in full green splendor and the grass was luxurious and soft with all of the recent rains. I enjoyed seeing the fall flowers that were feeling safe enough to start blooming in the absence of the heat and the cloud cover and grayness gave my soul just a twitch of fall longing.<br />
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While enjoying the moment, I was also able to ponder the many reasons I have to be grateful in the here and now and as I listed them in my head, I realized that regardless of anything else, I am blessed. I also realized that what I have <i>is enough</i> and who I am <i>is enough</i>. It was a pretty good feeling for an early onset of fall morning.<br />
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Where is this all going to go? That is a question that I have no answer for. Anything past this moment is unwritten and therefore subject to surprise, change and the twisty turns that make life so interesting and unpredictable. The future is also not my business. My business resides in the moment and how I can make those moments count to learn about who I am, what I want and how I am going to get there. And I will take this journey.....one second at a time. </div>
Lisa Jacques Elamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09436627482635590384noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5480826801642195904.post-52491228439332970632018-06-29T13:19:00.002-05:002018-06-29T14:03:01.242-05:00My Truth and the Lies We Tell Ourselves<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<i>Soooooo.......</i>let's just pretend that almost 18 months hasn't gone by since my last blog post here. *Poof* forgotten.<br />
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Lies! I've talked about them before and likely, I will talk about them again.<br />
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Usually the biggest lies we tell ourselves are about ourselves. With our own body image it is really hard to be honest sometimes, especially as we get older and our bodies change. Truthfully though, I have always had a warped image of my body and therefore been a damn good self deceiver when it came to.....<i>me!</i><br />
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Now bare with me as I start pointing fingers. I am fully aware as an adult where the fault lies with my diet, exercise and health in general. However, I didn't just frivolously jump on the bandwagon that led me here. No, I was shamed and in some ways, <i>forced</i> into it.<br />
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As a very young kid, I was a picky eater and very skinny. I was tiny from my head to my toes. I even had a dentist tell me once that I had the tiniest teeth he had ever worked on. I remember still wearing a size 6 little girls long after my friends were in size 8's and 10's. I was not a food lover and spent many an hour sitting at the table long after everyone else was through eating, because I wouldn't eat my food. Then, my mother who was also very thin and who had always had the metabolism of a hummingbird, got a divorce. That divorce did us all in I think.<br />
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My mother began to turn to food as comfort during this time and her once active lifestyle was replaced with what I now believe was depression. She began preparing large fattening meals and supplementing with fast food. After she put on about 20 pounds and started feeling physically like crap (mom had Lupus and a good diet is crucial to Lupus survival) she joined Weight Watchers and took it all off in 6 weeks. As far as I went, I had taken a liking to homemade bread, cinnamon rolls, scalloped potatoes, pizza and hamburgers and yes....I put on some weight but mostly my metabolism was still pretty good and my weight was more puberty related.<br />
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Looking back, had my mother just changed all of our diets over to more of a Weight Watchers mind set and not focused so heavily on weight, scales and body image, I might not ever have gone down the road I did. The icing on the cake for me though(no pun intended), was my mom taking me to the doctor for a physical and the doctor telling <b>"me"</b> not her, that I had put on 5 pounds in the last year but that I hadn't grown any taller, therefore if I didn't go on a <b>"diet"</b> right now, I was going to be <b>"fat!" </b>Yep! My self image was pretty much in the toilet at 11 years old.<br />
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From that moment on, I was on a lifelong journey of <i>self-love vs. self-loathing</i>, binge eating, diet pills, laxatives, anorexia and obesity. I judged myself the way I felt the world judged me and that was by how I looked. This was validated by peoples attitudes toward me based on my weight.<br />
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During my high school years, I was not skinny by any stretch, but I was not fat either. At that time in society though, the world worshiped <b>"skinny" </b>to the point of no butt and no boobs. Now you could get by with the bigger boobs if you had a tiny waist and butt, but if you had a voluptuous figure at all, you were <b>"fat!" </b>Since I was only 5'1", I had no waist, but I did have boobs and a butt and because I wasn't bikini body, waif thin.....I was viewed as and talked about as <b>fat. </b>Then, my senior year in high school, right at Thanksgiving I got sick. I couldn't eat for about a week and being young and having a decent metabolism, I dropped about 10 pounds, which was a lot for my tiny body. Then my mother got sick and we thought she had heart issues. The worry and stress over that caused me to drop another 5 pounds. Then I got a crush on a guy at school. My obsession with him caused another 5 to come off. By the time I went back to school after Christmas break, I was 20 pounds down and it seemed that everyone noticed it. Guys who had never given me the time of day suddenly found me <b>"interesting"</b> and girls suddenly either got friendlier or meaner depending on whether they found my new weight loss a threat or not. Even my parents were noticing. Suddenly my dad was <b>"proud"</b> of the way I looked and was taking me out to buy brand new clothes, something he never did before.<br />
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There was a problem with all of this though. I was still me and I still liked scalloped potatoes and hamburgers and once I was no longer sick, worried and infatuated, my appetite was back and <i>I was hungry.</i> When I started gaining back the first 5 pounds, I panicked. I liked thin me and I wasn't going to give it up. That is when I took out stock in laxatives. The fact that I have any colon left today is a miracle as I would down literally boxes of laxatives after I ate. It worked but one of the nasty side effects (<i>aside from the obvious</i>) was that taking that many laxatives dehydrates you and dehydration caused me horrific migraines. At the time I didn't realize the correlation, but now I know why I spent the last half of my senior year literally in agony all the time with migraines. Apparently though, the number on the scales was worth <b>ALL</b> the side effects of the laxatives.<br />
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It wasn't long before I found myself completely addicted to my scales. I would literally weigh myself 8-10 times a day. I had no understanding at the time that your body weight fluctuates throughout the day and therefore I would panic if I weighed half a pound more in the evening than I did in the morning. By this time, laxatives were not enough for me and so I began not eating at all or eating very minimally. The pounds were dropping and people were telling me how great I looked by I was literally starving. I wanted to eat so badly, but each morsel that went into my mouth I felt guilty about. Peoples admiration for how great I looked was worth <i>everything to me</i>.....including my health, so the starvation continued.<br />
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I was never a true bulimic simply because I hate throwing up. I could never force myself to throw up no matter how much I tried. What I could do though, was drink until I puked, which I got very good at. My friends and I would go out to the bars and clubs and we would drink. I drank a lot....<i>at least for my size....</i>and every time I would end up puking sick and hungover. The weird thing was, I never liked alcohol. To this day I am still not a fan, but back then, drinking was a means to an end and each morning after a night out of drinking and then throwing up, no matter how bad the hangover, I was on the scales checking to see how much weight I had lost.<br />
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Eventually I couldn't stand the drinking anymore or the laxatives and I started to gain a few pounds back. Panic again began to set in and then I learned of a doctor who was an osteopath, who practiced over the state line. He was pricey as you had to pay out of pocket (<i>can't imagine why he turned none of this into insurance</i>). You would go in and get blood work done and then he would give you diet pills. Phendometrazine and something else, along with a vitamin. <i>Yeah....that vitamin helped a lot. </i>Looking back, the doctor was criminal for giving me, a 5'1" girl who weighed 100 pounds soaking wet, diet pills....<i>but he did. </i><br />
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The diet pills in my mind were the answer to all my prayers. By taking the pills, I was never hungry. I could literally go without food for days without the pesky side effect of hunger. I would eat something unhealthy like a bag of chips, a candy bar or a burger every couple of days just to keep from keeling over, but other than that....<i>nothing. </i>I was literally starving myself to death. I don't think I cared though because the world was giving me <b>"positive" </b>feedback. I say positive loosely as in my warped brain, my mom being worried about my weight loss and people telling me that I was getting <b>"too thin,"</b> were positive. Even my dad told me I needed to eat more, where as before when I was heavier and healthy, he told me I <i>looked like a <b>"hog."</b> </i>No one had ever told me I was <b>"too thin" </b>before and I loved it.<br />
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It wasn't until after I met my husband and he convinced me that he found me beautiful regardless of how I looked, that I started to get a handle on my eating. By handle, I mean I began to eat regularly and not worry about the scales. Then after I had my middle son, the weight grabbed a hold and didn't want to let go. I did get back down to a healthy weight after he was born and then I found out I was pregnant again. During this pregnancy though, my body had changed so much and I put on a lot of weight. Following my youngest son's birth, the bottom fell out of my world and then the next three years I dealt with the NICU, losing my husband, a hysterectomy, a special needs child, a teenager grieving and going wild, losing my mom and full on depression caused by anti-depressants. (<i>Yes....I said caused by anti-depressants and that is another story for another day</i>).<br />
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My weight kept climbing and my energy was declining. I felt horrible all of the time and my doctor just kept wanting to put me on more anti-depressants and anti-anxiety pills. I was in a limbo of exhaustion, hunger and frustration. Then as I was sitting in his office one day, I read an article about hypothyroidism. Everything in the article spoke to me. I knew this was my issue and when I finally got called back I told the doctor what I thought. I literally had to argue with him to get him to test me, but low and behold, my thyroid was so out of whack and so slow, it was helping to contribute to everything else that was out of whack in my life. Once I started Synthroid and weaned myself off of all the other unnecessary crap, I started feeling like a human again. That being said though, by this point my metabolism was so slow and my eating habits were so bad, that for the next few years, food was my friend and my weight climbed.<br />
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A couple of years ago a friend of mine talked me into starting a food program called T<i>rim Healthy Mama</i>. She had actually started trying to get me to do it two years prior, but I am a hard sell. I really believed that I would always be overweight and that <i>fat and unhealthy</i> were how I would spend the rest of my days. Doing THM though, I learned I was wrong. In three months I lost about 30 lbs and I felt amazing. I was healthy and I was actually happy and never hungry. I did well for quite sometime <i>and then..............</i><br />
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This is where I would normally throw in a multitude of excuses as to why I quit taking care of me such as......a child on drugs, another child's impending surgery, almost losing my house, almost losing a grand child and the list goes on and on, but the <b>TRUTH</b> is......I just gave up and let life overwhelm me. It was my fault, my choice and although I might be able to blame my start on this unhealthy path on others, my current issues are my own fault. I obviously know how to live healthy, I just made the <b>choice</b> not to.<br />
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So the other day I had to go to the doctor for a tick bite(another fun story for another day). My blood pressure was a scary <b>154/114</b> and my weight was....well let's just say......<i>not pretty.</i> What the heck was I doing to myself? Why was I doing it? Was I not worth better?<br />
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Body image and the lies we tell ourselves about our body, our health and our eating habits can literally kill us, especially the older we get. <i>So here's my <b>truth.</b> </i>I am not perfect, but I am definitely a worthwhile person. In the big scheme of things, I still have some good years ahead....<i><b>if </b>I stay healthy. </i>I have health problems that would be made so much better if I lost weight. <b>I don't feel good about me, the way I look or how I feel.</b> I want to lose weight. I know how to lose weight, eat, not be hungry and be healthy......and most importantly.....I am worth everything it takes to do it. <i>I deserve to be the very best version of me I can be! </i>And that folks is the truth!</div>
Lisa Jacques Elamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09436627482635590384noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5480826801642195904.post-2153870939105698182017-03-28T13:19:00.000-05:002017-03-28T13:36:08.732-05:00The "Real" in Mama Junes Reality TV<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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You know...I was never a fan of<i> Honey Boo Boo</i> and her mother....Mama June. I like a little class with my tv and try as I might, I could never find any in that show. Now they are back or Mama June primarily is in a show called <i>From Not to Hot</i>. For those of you who have never viewed this new reality show endeavor, Mama June is on a journey to lose weight and look amazing for her ex, Sugar Bears wedding.<br />
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Now please don't judge me for watching this low brow reality show, but I simply can't help myself. I am somewhat addicted to any show that talks about and shows true weight loss in individuals. Yes, I know you are saying to yourself....<i>"But Lisa, this is <b>'reality' </b>tv. How true can this be?" </i>Well, you are right. For some of this show, the non-reality of it is glaringly obvious such as when June starts losing a lot of weight a little too quickly and has to wear an obvious fat suit to film some sections of the show. That being said though, the weight loss is real and even more so......her struggle with weight loss is<i> very</i> real.<br />
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Mama June tipped the scales at somewhere around 350 lbs when filming started. The premise of the story goes that June found out her ex was getting remarried in 10 months and he had invited her to the wedding, so she decided she wanted to show the bride up and go to the wedding with a whole new look. Of course reality tv saw $$$$$ and made it their mission to make as much money off June, her weight loss and her dysfunctional brood as they could.<br />
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Without giving away all the stimulating drama and plot points of the series, I will give you the condensed version. June had gastric sleeve surgery. The series gave her a personal trainer and her daughters bought her a size 4 dress so that she had a goal to achieve in 40 weeks. Again.....reality tv heaven. For me, it was like a train wreck. I knew I shouldn't watch, but darned if I didn't get sucked in. To my credit though, I DVR the show so that I can fast forward through some of the more ridiculousness of the show.... and some weeks that is a good portion of it, however.....the show is a pretty accurate portrayal of the difficulty involved with losing a large amount of weight and this is why I guess it holds my interest.<br />
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A gastric sleeve is one of the more extreme ways that someone who is unhealthily over weight can turn to for weight loss. Because it is a surgery it holds some degree of danger from anesthetic to the possibility of infection, blood clots and all the other potentially dangerous side effects of anyone post surgery. Once the surgery is over, there is of course the recovery from the surgery and because your stomach has basically been shrunk, there is a period of time where you are only allowed liquids and then you work yourself up to small portions of food.<br />
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A gastric sleeve can help a person literally drop 100-200 lbs in a relatively short period of time, but it is not a miracle worker in itself. The person undergoing the surgery has to be dedicated to losing the weight and keeping it off and also has to be resigned to the fact that for the rest of their lives they will never be able to eat as they did before the surgery without risk of damaging the sleeve or themselves. In other words, if you are going into something as drastic as gastric sleeve surgery, you better be all in on this being a permanent lifestyle change and you better also be losing for the right reasons. Needless to say, showing the bride up at your exes wedding is not in my opinion, a good reason.<br />
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June of course drops the weight initially quite quickly and with this large amount of weight loss come some of the less pleasant side effects of losing this much weight quickly. Everything sags and bags and flapping arms, excess stomach skin and sagging thighs are not only uncomfortable, but they can also get in the way of exercise and day to day living. They also have an affect on self image. It's great to be a size 4 but if the skin on your arms make you look like you have wings instead of arms.....that becomes a self image problem. Surgery then again becomes a necessity. The thing about skin removal surgery though, is that you basically have to be pretty near your goal weight before having it or else the surgery does no good. So Junes story does not have an automatic happy ending. In fact, at times the story gets quite "real" and becomes something that most of us can easily identify with.<br />
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June does not like exercise and yet exercise is as important to her weight loss and overall health as eating right is. It is a real struggle for her to get with the exercise program....even with a very animated and professional trainer. The struggle is even more difficult when it becomes obvious that June went into the whole weight loss, surgery, etc. thinking that her weight would come off much more easily and with a lot less work on her part, than is actually required. Eventually though, even June figures out that exercise is a key factor in her new lifestyle and gets on board to some degree.<br />
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Another glaringly evident theme in the show is that Junes two daughters who live with her are anything but supportive. Alonna (Honey Boo Boo) and Lauryn (Pumpkin) are used to a diet of sugar, fast food and comfort food and obviously supporting their moms weight loss by cutting out the unhealthy foods or even cutting back is not in their game plan as they eat cheeseburgers and ice cream in front of June. This is something that many of us can relate to as often our families are only supportive if it doesn't affect them.<br />
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Weight loss is challenging for the toughest of people as it is overcoming an addiction. <i>A food addiction.</i> Anyone knows you wouldn't smoke meth in front of a drug addict or drink alcohol in front of an alcoholic but people don't think twice about eating a piece of cake or downing a cheeseburger with everything on it in front someone trying to lose weight. Junes daughters not only eat all the things she can't have in front of her, but it is quite obvious at times that the two girls who seem to have weight issues of their own, aren't truly accepting of their moms new size or attempt at a healthier lifestyle. In fact there are definitely times that the two seem to be almost sabotaging their mom's efforts. Again....a lot of us can relate. If those around us see us changing for the better and they aren't, it somehow becomes a threat to them and their way of life, so they load on the sabotage. I think this is when reality tv crosses over into real life for some of us.<br />
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So I am not sure how far into the season we are with Mama June. I know in the last episode she had given into her old habits and she has become quite proficient at hiding cookies, candies and other forms of unhealthy and fattening contraband much to her trainers shock and dismay. This "bad" behavior had been instrumental in causing her to gain some of her weight back. Fortunately her gain wasn't enough to keep her from getting the first of her two skin surgeries (a skin removal and tummy tuck on her stomach and a breast lift/enhancement). Her excitement over her knew boobs and flat stomach was somewhat squelched though at the realization that beauty sometimes hurts and these surgeries were starting to be much more painful and life restricting than she had originally signed on for.<br />
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Will Mama June get her arms and neck done or will she give up the whole surgery idea? Will she continue to hide food and sneak eat and allow her family to continue sabotaging her? Or..... will she start to realize that her weight loss is more than just a moment of revenge at her exes wedding?<br />
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Bottom line is that many of us who carry extra pounds, whether it is 20 lbs or 200 lbs have all kinds of reasons for wanting to lose weight. The fact is though, that if we don't lose for the right reasons and learn a little about ourselves as we go, the weight will never stay off and we will fail ourselves over and over again. Losing for the right reasons (love of ourselves, our health and our desire to live a full healthy and happy life) is the only thing that will get us through those moments when our family and friends aren't as supportive as they should be or when we are contemplating doing our own self-sabotage.<br />
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So yeah, I am still not a fan of Mama June or reality tv as a whole but what can I say.....<i>I'm invested! </i><br />
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Lisa Jacques Elamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09436627482635590384noreply@blogger.com0