Monday, April 11, 2011

A Day in the Life of Me!

Well, I have come to the conclusion that I am a whole lot more talk than action. Of course those that know me...probably already knew that. Still....I refuse to give up. I refuse to let one bad week turn into a month and then 6 months and then....a year. God only gives each of us so many years and I would really like to spend the number I have left (at least 40 or 50) feeling good about myself. Since a week ago Sunday....I have felt anything but good about me. The whole package has really been lacking and because of my inner outer actions have been horrible. I have eaten MANY things I shouldn't and have only worked out once....until today.

Yesterday I was feeling really crapping and down on myself and yes....feeling sorry for myself. I don't do it often....but when I do, it is full on self pity. I decided right then and there to just go for it. I let myself eat what I wanted, I laid around and for the most part....did absolutely nothing. The one condition I had to get up and get back at it. And I did!

I also did a great deal of thinking amidst my pity party about poor me and why things weren't working. The truth is....things were working. Things were working fine. I might not have been losing tons every week, but I was losing and I was feeling good. Then I allowed others words to derail me. That is a pretty lousy reason for allowing myself to fall back instead of move forward. I have no one to blame but myself. I also need to take stronger actions with myself.  

ACCOUNTABILITY! ACCOUNTABILITY! ACCOUNTABILITY! I am going to have to write down every action, every thought, every morsel of food. I know I have said this before and it has only lasted....maybe a day, but I need to do this for a week. I need to write down when I feel good, bad or hungry. I need to write down the bite of cheesecake batter, the half of cracker and the whole ice cream cone. And I need to get on paper the 20 min. walk, the 45 min. elliptical workout or the entire 1+ hours of circuit training. I need to go back and see in print how good I felt after the workout or how lousy I felt after the entire bag of jelly beans. Maybe then, if I put all of this down....even if I only manage a week. I will straighten out this crooked road I am on.

So back to today. I actually crawled out of bed at 5 a.m. and did my blog. That is my perfect time to just freely write with little or no real thought going into it. It also makes it really fun to go back later in the day and see just what was going through my head before my eyes were fully open. Once the blog was finished and everyone was ready for the day....I had to run Z to school extra early. His biology grade stinks and he forgot to turn in work. Hmmmm......the early arrival was to find that work in the black hole he calls a locker and get it turned in before 7:30 a.m. When we got there....he had exactly 30 min. to find it. I haven't heard yet whether the mission was successful or not.

It was my hope after getting back to the house to have David on his bus by 7:50 a.m. and to be at the DRC by 8:00 a.m. for my workout. Silly Lisa for making plans. Finally at 8:15 the bus arrived and I could feel the irritation welling up inside me. This late pick up stuff does not work for me. I try to understand though that things happen and the bus barn is short handed. Still though......grrrrrr!

I finally made it to the DRC about 8:25 and after my two laps around the track....I hit the elliptical. After Friday...I wasn't sure if I would wimp out today or not. I actually felt pretty good so I had high hopes. I managed a 45 min. elliptical workout with lots of speed ups and then slow downs for a good cardio workout. My final stats were: 45 min./3.7 mil./470 calories burned. I ended with another 2 laps around the track. I was definitely sweating when done but I felt good and was out of time as I had to get to work. Luckily my boss has it set up at work so if we go workout before work we can get ready at work. Today I did.

I managed to eat a WW yogurt (2 pt.) around 10 a.m. which left me with 27 pts. for the day. From that point on I was too busy to think of food, exercise or how I was feeling. I missed Friday at work....and today was definitely filled with a lot of catching up.

Finally around 12:30 p.m. I was able to eat lunch. Lunch was one of my home prepared salads...consisting of lettuce greens (0), cucumbers (0), 1 tbs. full of dried cranberries (1), 1 Tbsp. croutons (1), 1 orange (0) and 2 Tbsp. Otts fat free dressing (2) leaving me with a total of 23 pts. Funny thing was I wasn't really hungry but I knew it was lunch time.

I purchased a toothbrush to keep at work because 1) I don't like having lunch breath and 2) freshly brushed teeth are not conducive to eating. So if I brush my teeth right after is win win for everyone involved and here it is 3:30 and I still have toothpaste taste in my mouth which rules out food for a while longer.

I have also drank 60 ounces of water today (0) and have sipped on iced tea (0) the rest of the time. So far I have lived up to yesterday's bargain and stayed on track today. Will I be able to continue the path for the rest of the day? Hopefully! I have taking Z to theater and speaking at the BOE meeting tonight in my future and I had hopes of accomplishing a few chores tonight...although I am not sure by the time I finish with the running around that I am going to be up for any chores. Also....I haven't yet decided what supper is going to consist of. I want something quick and if I had my way....wouldn't require cooking. Chances are....I won't have my way.

So far the mood has remained positive and forward moving. Catch me at 5 and we will  see if after being up for 12 hours....things are still as upbeat. To be continued............

Well I am back. Z is dropped off at theater and I am waiting for the babysitter to come so I can head to the BOE meeting. When I walked in the house....I could feel my stress level rise as I looked around to see all the things I did not do over the weekend (remember the pity party?) and most likely will not do tonight. It just makes me irritable and I must first thought as I walked in the door was.....Dang a Hot Rod Burger sounds good! Food immediately became my go-to soother. Or in this case....the thought of food did. Next I looked at David's report for the day. They were concerned about his not wanting to sit on the toilet anymore. I too am concerned about this. He seems to get extremely stressed when put on....which tells me something isn't right. Does something hurt him? Is it uncomfortable? Or is he just going through a stage? Oh the joys of a non-verbal child. Again with the stress.

Then there is my Z who wore Family Guy boxers to play rehearsal in the fall and made quite a stir. He has decided that it will now be his mission in life to wear said boxers to one play practice each play. The boy is a mess and I wonder what the fallout will be this time. Again....just a little bit of stress.

Finally....I walked into my room which looks like a crazy teenager inhabits it. Usually my bed is made and the room is cleaned up....but not today. Today the bed is a mess, clothes are everywhere and it just feels uncomfortable. Ick! I can definitely feel the stress.

I did manage to eat and eat right throughout all of this. Before I left work I had an apple (0) and a WW smoked string cheese (1). Once I got home...the menu was two tuna sandwiches and Special K Chips. The pts total for this: Bread (4), tuna (5), onion (0), miracle whip light (1), Special K Chips (1.5) and tea (0) Total (12.5)  leaving me with 10.5 points unused. I am sure my nightly WW ice cream treat will help to take care of some of those points.

Well...I am off to get ready for the meeting. As I said....I expect nothing spectacular from myself tonight....maybe tomorrow. For now though....maybe I can just maintain my decent eating habits for today. Will continue later.

Time to wind down and finish off the day....and my points. I made it to the BOE meeting where I got to speak for a couple of minutes on David, his health issues and the services out there that the school needs to educate parents on. It was a good meeting and I was glad I went. When I got home, David and I snuggled on the couch for a bit and then he went his own way. While sitting there after  he got up...a thought occurred to me. I am ALWAYS a little stressed about David. I am constantly waiting for the other shoe to fall with his seizures or his health. When he is quiet....I always wonder why....because David is seldom quiet. Tonight he was quiet....curled up on the couch watching tv and I worried. I have got to let go of some of this worry and just have a little faith.

When Z got home we decided to put David on the potty just to see how he reacted. He was fine. He played with the toilet paper roll, made his David noises and although it was a fruitless excursion....he didn't want to get off when it was time. Hmmm.....we will have to keep working with him to see what the issue is.

I have just had my final morsel of the day....a WW frozen Candy Bar (4) which leaves me with 6.5 points left over. It was just what I needed to end the day. And much as I suspected.....not one thing that I needed to do tonight was done. Perhaps tomorrow night will get better results. As for tonight....I did well today. I have hopes that tomorrow is just as good with possibly an even better workout. was far from exciting....but yes folks...this is a day in the life of me! Jealous yet? Yeah...I wouldn't be either. So for tonight I say Goodnight....sleep well....and I will catch you in tomorrows blogs!

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