The Journey

This morning....as I was working out, a thought occurred to me. Not only is tomorrow my weigh in day, but it is also the last WW meeting of this session. I do my meetings a little different than most. Ours are workplace meetings that we pay up front for and do 17 sessions at a time. The convenience of location and the knowing everyone in the relatively small group.....makes it worth the pay up front issue. The problem is...last I knew...there was no one to take the place of our current WW leader. Our current leader plans to take the summer off....plus, the drive she makes to present our meetings is an hour one way. I don't blame her for maybe wanting to not take us back on for another session....however....I certainly hope we find someone. I maybe good for missing one or two sessions...but I need the meetings to keep me accountable. If we can't find another leader...then I may have to look for another meeting. Unfortunately....in our small town, ours was the only WW meeting around. I guess I will have to look elsewhere. Sigh!

Today is late start for my kids....so when they start late....so do I. Wed. are a day that I often skip working out...just because I am so crunched for time. By the time they are finally out the door....it is almost time for work. Today though....I did manage to squeeze in 30 min,. on the elliptical. It was 2.5 mi. and 350 calories. Not a fantastic workout....but better than no workout at all. It was a necessity this morning as the getting ready at home did not exactly run smoothly. I could literally feel my blood pressure rising before I got out of the house and the stress alone made my workout just fly by. I think I could easily have done an hour today...had time permitted. I do love my kids.....but sometimes they make my head want to explode.

I have started looking for things daily that keep me motivated. While currently my daily workouts go a long way in helping me stay focused and keep me pushing through.....I have definitely learned that on days when I don't or can't workout....the motivation hits rock bottom at some point....causing me to fall face first off the wagon. Motivation for a journey such as weight loss is not always easy to find. You would think it would be. You would think looking at smaller people or smaller sizes or knowing that you are going to be able to move much easier and feel much better when all is said and done would be great motivation.....but I have learned (that at least for me) your motivational needs change as your progresses changes. Some days...just the thought of a lower number on the scale is motivation enough. Other days...it takes much more....like knowing someone else has also taken this journey and come out on the other side smaller, healthier and much happier all the way around. I think that is why I like watching The Biggest Loser. I don't watch it faithfully, but from time to time...I just need to see those big numbers. I need to see people struggling just like myself shedding those pounds, along with insecurities, and life issues that got them over weight in the first place. I need to watch them workout until they puke, cry or both and know that I am not the only one pushing myself to the brink some days...but that the end result is worth every second of pain, exhaustion and frustration. Last night I tuned in. I think I just needed to see people that when they first started couldn't even walk ten steps without being out breath...now be able to run and lift weights and work out in ways they never dreamed possible just a few short months ago. Watching it worked....and it was what kept me from skipping today's workout.....even though it was only 1/2 an hour long.

Because of this mornings less than stellar start....there was not time for homemade salad, so Dillon's salad bar was my lunch of choice again today. It was my regular salad with goodies this time...for a total of 8 pts. There was also an apple involved before lunch which was (0)....so we have gone into the afternoon with freshly brushed teeth and only 8 pts. down. That leaves me with 21 for the rest of the day.

I really am going to have to figure out how I can start working breakfast into this equation. My mornings are so crazy that I just tend to skip it anymore....but I am going to have to change that. My metabolism needs breakfast in order to work properly and to also up my weight loss. The points are likely to change how I use them with the addition of breakfast. They will be spread out  more and be used more efficiently through out the day. There is also likely not going to be all the extra points left at the end of the day.

Well...here is hoping that all stays calm in my world. I want to finish this day out well. Wish me luck. I will be back later......................

I am back. Since last we spoke....the afternoon turned out almost as bad as this morning. Sometimes no matter how hard we try...this parenting gig is hard and we make mistakes. I made a doozie that cost Z a chance at something he has wanted forever. I think he actually took it better than I did. I really had to watch myself after that. I feel like the worlds worst mom! I guess it is all part of the journey!

It became a chaotic evening but I calmed myself with an orange (0) rather than a bag of candy. We ended up Taco Belling it again. (That has got to stop by the way). I had my usual "fresco fare" with a total of 12 pts. I also treated myself to a WW ice cream bar (3) pts. for a total of 23 pts. today. So far....I think I am good and if I jump into bed quickly....maybe I will make it through today without any frustration cheats.

So I guess on that note....I will say.....goodnight.