Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Dust in my Rearview Mirror

Yesterday wasn't too bad a day. I feel myself get gritchy though and I am trying to curb that. It is just my nerves getting the better of me. Truly...prayer helps. Yeah I cliche and Christian of me. But it is true.

I veered again last night with a little snacky junk food, but it was better than the night before and another evening or so and I should have the crap all out of my house.....never to return....hopefully! I have been doing amazing on my water drinking too. I can tell the water helps a lot in just how I feel.

Today my corgi Spud was acting a little out of sorts so I took him on the walk with me. There could have been a two fold reason for this. 1) he needed the exercise and 2) I knew with his short legs and the heat, we wouldn't be out long. I was right. We walked about 25 minutes.

This working out that I am doing is forming in stages in my mind. I am starting slow so as to wake the muscles up and not overdue.....thus giving me further excuse to ride the couch. I will not berate myself for a shorter walk than usual and will applaud myself for the effort it sometimes takes me to walk out the door. Every step off the couch and out the door is a step closer to achieving health and fitness. I am trying hard not to make long term or over my skill level goals as I don't want to set myself up to fail. No one knows me better than I know me and I know what works and what doesn't. That being said......there are a couple of longish term goals that I would eventually like to try and hit. One.....I would like to be fit enough to run/walk several races in the next couple of years. Second.....I would like to learn to dance. I figure if Kirstie Alley can do it.....then I should be a shoe-in. Forget that I have no rhythm, no skill and once I hit a dance floor I become petrified and self conscious. I still want to dance!!!!

I also have broken my....I am too lazy to cook thinking and I am starting to fix actual meals again. It has been 3 weeks to a month since I last put any love into my kitchen or my kids food and it is high time I start again. Last night my kids were soooooo happy. I was too.

The walks are actually helping with my anxiety over all of this, along with attending Mass whenever possible, prayer and not allowing myself to go to any dark places in my head. Also.....this blog is helping. This time my efforts are not just on how I want to look, but also how I want to feel and be. I realize that I have little faith in myself and no self-confidence. Somewhere along the line I lost the drive to achieve anything and I lost who I was and who I wanted to be. It is my goal to get all of that back. I am 50 not 80 and I have much left to see, do and experience, but it will never happen if I quit on myself.

So is still all about the baby steps. The small goals that right now seem like major hurdles but in time it all will be nothing more than dust in my rear view mirror.

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