Showing a Little Love

Boy...this blog has sure been unloved this month. Of course...all my blogs have been. Life has just been too busy to blog! I know....how could I say such a thing? It is true though.

Amazingly....instead of thrusting me into a head long depression like I thought it might....being laid off has been exceptionally good for me. I am actually very happy and very productive. In fact....it is rare that I sit down in a day. You would think with all the moving I do...that the weight would be falling off of me. Much to my dismay, this is not the case. In the last two weeks I have gained a pound. Had I been sitting around at a desk all day...I am sure it would have been more like 4 lbs, but I am still not happy that I haven't been taking care of business where my weight is concerned. The fact is...I have been so busy that I haven't taken time to eat right, write down my points or work out. Two weeks into this whole being at home and baking cheesecakes thing though...and I think I am starting to master time management.

This morning after stepping on the scales and being filled with mixed emotions of sadness because I gained for a second week and completely being thrilled that I hadn't gained more....I immediately put myself in a mental time out and then got myself back on track. I am writing down everything (it works...trust me) and I went to the gym. Once again my mind tried to make me overdue with the whole working out thing, but after another mental time out....I worked out sensibly. I can't afford to do anything stupid like injure myself at this stage of the game.

Time is speeding by and I foresee this year not passing in days or even weeks....but more like huge chunks. We are already at March's door step and then I won't be conscious of time again until David's surgery. Time will then catapult me into summer, then Old Settlers, then my class reunion.....then that birthday with the unbelievably huge number....and then Christmas. In just a few chunks I will be staring 2013 squarely in the eye. That being said....I will be staring at it in a different body and I am bound that the next half century (as depressing as that sounds) is going to be fantastic.

Well...love has been shown and now it is time to get back to the speed that has become my life. Hopefully by this time next week...the workouts will have kicked in and there will be some "happy" numbers to report. One can only hope!

One Hurdle at a Time

If we really look at the facts and pay attention to what the numbers and statistics tell us, we are living in the fattest nation in the world and we are the fattest generation ever. WOW! The numbers are staggering but it is too early to be shoving them at you. Suffice it to say that the life longevity we have gained through science and medicine is quickly being swallowed up by our eat on the run, fast food, super-size it mentality. Not a very pretty picture this early on a Monday morning....especially after Super Bowl weekend where large quantities of alcohol and food were likely consumed. Sigh.

Add to all of this the fact that the older we get the harder it is for the weight to come off and it is enough to make a plus size model sit down and cry! Again with the facts....we know that every second past 35 that we hold extra weight on our bodies means that we are fighting a losing battle for our ultimate health. Even 10-15 extra pounds starts putting us at risk for heart disease, stroke, cancer and possibly an early grave. It also means that we start losing our flexibility and the gravitational pull of the earth has just that much more to pull.....meaning everything will drift south just that much faster. It is hard on our bones our organs and our self esteem. These are hard truths to put your mind around....especially when your mind wants us to see you as you looked a quarter of a century ago. Again....sigh!!!

I have been playing the passive aggressive weight game for years. I have chided myself as I licked the cheesecake bowl and sat on the couch watching Wii Sports instead of participating, wondering why the weight wasn't just slipping off. I have joined Weight Watchers time and again....refusing to be honest with my points or to even write them down and have been dumbfounded week after week as the numbers just didn't go in my favor. In truth....I have been playing with the exact same 10 pounds for several years and trust me...there is much more than 10 pounds that needs to be gone.

So what have I learned? Well...this year my age becomes a number that shouldn't define me....but somehow does. This year I have several big events coming up and this year my son is undergoing a life changing event and for me....this means change needs to come and it is now or never! Granted...I want that change for my self esteem. I want to look in the mirror and see only one chin. I want someone to take a picture of me and me not to cringe when I see it. I want to see people I haven't seen for 30 years and not have them walk away going....."damn that girl has let herself go!" Most of all though...I want to be healthy and strong so that I can see my son through his surgery, help him recuperate and be the strong mom he deserves not the mom who can't do what needs to be done because her back hurts or she is out of breath. I also know somewhere deep down inside that if I don't do this now.....it might never get done!

I have officially been on WW a full month this time....and this time it really feels different. Before....I was never all in. I have rebelled and only been willing to put so much effort into my journey in the past. I would not write down what I ate or keep track of my points, telling myself I knew where I was at....and constantly going over. I refused to try WW recipes or to lighten up my own. I also did not incorporate WW with any kind of exercise and all of my past efforts have ended up a bust. Maybe because there is so much more on the line this time or maybe because I have something to prove to myself....but right here....right now....I am starting to see real change in me.

I will admit that the exercise has not come yet, but next week new things are happening in my life and exercise will be a priority. As for the WW though...I AM LOSING!!! No it is not miraculous....it has been work, but not hard work. I simply gave into the idea that millions have lost weight on WW but not by rebelling or refusing to do what is tried and true. So I am writing it down and keeping track of my points. I will admit that I am not 100% yet, but I am a good 80% and that is better than I have ever been. The work is showing through. The first two weeks both showed losses. The third week was a slight gain, but I expected it. That was the week David had his first Shriners visit in St. Louis and we spent several days with my mother in law. There were tacos, carrot cake, pineapple upside down cake and other goodies. I went with intentions of being good but half way through....I gave up. However.....I did watch what I ate and tried to make healthier choices or eat smaller portions. The end result was a pound and a half gain. I was not even disappointed because I knew next week I would do better...and better I did. This week I came back with a 3.5 pound loss, and that was with Super Bowl goodies thrown in!!!! Of course they were lighter versions and healthier choices. See...I am catching on!!!

I am finally getting the hang of this thing and I have a couple of pretty lofty goals ahead for myself. While I am over the moon at this weeks loss, I am still in the midst of that 10 pounds I continuously seem to play with. Not until I have gotten beyond that will I be truly doing the happy dance and I am sure wherever you are.....you will be able to hear my shouts of joy the minute I am a gram under that 10 pounds. As I said though...that 10 pounds is just the tip of the ice berg. David's next appointment in St. Louis is mid March and I hope to see a substantial loss by then. However it is the appointment after that which is the biggie. In mid April he will be having a major surgery which will require on my part a great deal of both physical and mental strength along with stamina and down right good health. His recovery will be a couple of months and then there will be lots of physical therapy for months to come after that. For all of this I need to be in fighting condition and the only one that can ensure I am there is.....this girl! 

So what does all of this mean? It means starting this time next week I will be doing safe and healthy workouts with both a mixture of cardio and weights. I will continue to write if I bite it and continue to try new light and healthy recipes to fight the boredom of eating the same thing every day. I have a WW cookbook which is 4 ingredient meals in 10 minutes. I love it and the food is REALLY good. There is absolutely no reason that I should backslide this time....especially when I have so much riding on success.

So I guess today I am just a little bit proud. I have had a modicum of success this week and it is spurring me to keep at it. I know that the road is going to be fairly long and I am not even over the first hurdle. Heck.....the finish line is so far away it is not even in my sights, but at least this time I am running and rather than looking for the finish line....right now I just have my sights set on the next hurdle and maybe......that is how I will win this race. One hurdle at a time!!!!