Motivation

Day 5

Motivation is key to any life change. It is a drive or purpose that gets us from point A to point Z without being sidetracked by all the letters in between. It is also something that is difficult to muster at times.

What motivates us at 6 a.m. may not be so motivating at 11 a.m. or 1 p.m. By 4 p.m. we may not have any motivation left at all and anything we thought we were going to accomplish at 6 a.m. has long been forgotten by dinner time. That is why we need to dig deep and find REAL motivation.

I have always secretly snickered at those who were so highly motivated to complete a task, journey or goal that they kept pictures of the end game, talked about the end game and submerged themselves so deeply into the goal that they seldom if ever lost focus. I know now that my snickering was really envy. I was/am envious of someone who can stay so committed to something that they don't lose focus and in the end....achieve! There is a meme floating around about a woman who is irritated with all those women who achieve a hundred different things a day and her great accomplishment is that the kids are still alive. That woman is ME! I take my little victories where I can get them....but I am learning they simply aren't enough.

I have been told that a writers brain can be a scattered brain. If this is true then I should be a best selling author several times over. My brain fragments daily into all the things I need to do, should do and want to do. Trying to put it all into a one single day is literally exhausting. I am tired before I ever get started and then the  motivation is lost. This is not an excuse....it is a fact and to be quite honest, my brain wants me to accomplish far more than my body is capable of at this time. So how do I come to terms with all of this and find my motivation again?

I am thinking that I have to decided first WHY I am on this journey? What is my motivation? Am I doing this for my kids, to prove something or to make me happy and healthy? The answer to that will define this next year. In which scenario will I work harder? Once I have decided the "why", then I must do my best to keep the daily journey my priority. All else can fall in or fall off my plate, but the journey and the end game must be my focus. That means putting what I need to do to accomplish my goal first and foremost in my day and my life. This means putting me first for awhile. That right there scares the heck out of me. Bottom line though....if I don't take care of me, then I can't take care of those who need me.

Motivation and goals are both easier in small doses than they are on a huge, complex and lengthy scale. I have to make my goals small.....daily.....and maybe even hourly so that they are much more attainable. I can do just about anything for 60 minutes and maybe even stay motivated during that time period too. Many small goals will eventually get me to my big one and each time I achieve a goal, it will motivate me forward to the next one....hopefully. 

Today I will try and fight my anti-motivation which is telling me to take a nap, read a book or do just about anything else that requires nothing more than the couch a pillow and a blanket and perhaps that will be my reward AFTER, I complete my goal for today. So for now I say.....Have an amazing Tuesday! Now please excuse me while I motivate myself to the laundry room!

Fear

Day 4

Fear! It is one of the most powerful emotions we possess. It can move us forward or hold us back. In some cases it can even freeze us in place preventing us from proceeding, accomplishing and succeeding. Often the "fear" of something is much worse than the outcome. Sometimes we find that what we feared was never actually a reality and other times we find that the reality of the fear was far less scary than the fear itself. Fear! Four little letters and one huge emotion.

I talk about fear today because for years I lived my life bound by various forms of this emotion. When I was young, fear never really entered my life. Not emotional fear anyway. Of course I was terrified of haunted houses and things that went bump in the night, but those were seasonal and I knew rationally they were unsubstantiated fears. The only real fear I ever remember was one time when I thought there was something wrong with my mother. It was a week of sheer terror trying to imagine my life without her. Luckily I had years left with her...but at the time I knew fear. Other than that though, I was pretty fearless. Any momentary fears I had were just that, as I knew I was always going to be okay when I came out on the other side.

It was not until 2000 when my youngest was born that I knew fear. Real fear. Gut wrenching....terrifying fear. When I sat by his bedside and knew that I might lose him.....that was unbelievable fear. Then when I lost my husband unexpectedly the next year and I realized that I was now raising my kids on my own....that was gut wrenching fear. Finally....in 2002 after I lost my mom after a battle with cancer and I felt completely alone in the world except for my kids.....THAT was debilitating fear. It was a fear that reoccured for years and was diagnosed as PTSD or Post Tramatic Stress Disorder. I like to call it....waiting for the other shoe to drop. I have spoken of it before and the cloud that it put over my life and my happiness. I lived in fear of losing my kids or dying myself. It was irrational and crazy and yet to me....the irrational and crazy had already happened to me....so why couldn't it happen again?

After several years of being on anti-depressants or anti-anxiety meds....I finally realized that for me, they were doing more damage than good and I medically weened myself off of them. Yes....my emotions were more raw and surfaced, but at least I was feeling. I knew I would never get beyond my fear if I didn't first allow myself to feel it. After a while, I found myself feeling and even being emotional again and I also began to realize just how much I had let fear take over my life. When you live in fear you lose all of your joy. I had lost mine but after a time, it began to return.

In the last few years, a new "me" had begun to emerge. I was much more balanced and I felt really good until this August. It was at this time a diagnostic test for breast cancer found that I had two spots on my lung. I felt all the debilitating fear engulf and nearly suffocate me. I also found calcifcations on my thyroid. It was a double whammy of sorts. The kicker was that the spots were too small to biopsy and the fact that there was more than one made it even more worrisome. After seeing a specialist who sent me home and said we will wait 3 months and retest....I was sort of left in limbo. I think the thyroid is fine. Since seeing the specialist....I have drifted between feeling confident that I am fine and worrying that something irrational and crazy is going to happen.

Last week my youngest had another health scare which left us in the hospital for several days. Since coming home I have felt crappy. Mostly I feel heavy in my chest. I am not coughing, wheezing, or having trouble breathing....my chest just feels heavy. I have not lost my appetite or run fever or any of the other possible signs of lung cancer. Common sense tells me that I am stressing and exhausted and letting my emotions take on physical attributes. However.....the fear is back and there are times when it feels like it is winning. It feels as if I am at a stand still frozen in time. I am trying to pray my way through it, but at times it feels like my faith is no match for my fear and I am ashamed.

My fear takes me through rocky "what ifs" and worst case scenarios. It is making me crazy and very unproductive. That is why I started this for the year. It is my reminder that I am alive, writing and that I am on a journey. In any journey you must continually move forward and that is what I intend to keep doing. I really have no plans to dwell on this as now that I have spoken of it....it is out in the universe and no longer hiding inside of me fighting to overtake all my other sane emotions. Instead I plan to move forward and make small and necessary changes every day. I plan to pray both for myself and all those who need the prayers as much as I do. I also plan to hope with all my heart that this is another case where the fear is far worse than the outcome and soon my joy will return.

Yes fear is an ugly emotion than can rob us of so much. I will never get the moments back that I have already wasted on fear, but I refuse to let fear win. So today I claim victory over my fear and choose to no longer let fear guide me. It is time to move ahead and seize the day!




189.8

Water

Day 3

In this modern world of technology and new fangled this and that....the one thing that doctors, scientists and nutritionists all seem to agree on is......the healthiest thing you can do for your body is to drink water! Another example of simplest is the best? Quite likely!

Whether you like your water straight from the tap, bottled, flavored or carbonated.....the fact is that this zero calorie beverage with no fat or additives is one of the best things we can do for our health and our bodies. Sadly there are a lot of people who obviously didn't get the memo and don't even manage 8oz. of the stuff in the course of 24 hours.

When I was a kid, at breakfast you drank juice....lunch and supper was milk and anything in between was water. That being said....I think we were a pretty dehydrated nation as other than a quick drink from the water fountain after recess or a guzzle from the garden hose when you were playing outside, we really didn't drink a lot. We were likely healthier by far because we weren't technology obsessed couch potatoes, but many of our habits were far from body positive. As a kid at Girl Scout camp, I remember getting heat stroke because we were outside in 102 degree temps for five days with only an old water pump to grab a quick drink from. Our leaders were apparently not well versed on the need for hydration in kids or the damage that dehydration could do. It was the sickest I had ever been.

Now a days we know the importance of water in our bodies and the positive effects it brings about. It hydrates our hair and skin, flushes waste from our cells and is extremely helpful in weight loss. No longer is it expected that a 10 second drink from a water fountain is substantial for hydration. Even elementary kids are allowed to bring water bottles to school and drink as needed.

In my younger days, water was something I imbibed only with a pill or if I was REALLY thirsty and nothing else was available. The rest of the time....carbonated beverages were my friend. While I was thin and looked healthy....I am sure my cells told a different story. They were probably shriveled up and begging for some good old H2O. It wasn't until I was older that I began to learn the benefits of water. It was actually some friends kids that got me to thinking about and drinking water. Whenever they would come to eat at our house, regardless of what kind of soda or other drinks might be available to them.....they always chose water. For some reason this really hit me and I decided that might be a really healthy way to go. It was then that I did my little 2 week experiment. I drank nothing but water for 2 weeks and made myself drink at least 64oz. a day. At first it seemed like over kill and the side effect that I spent a lot of time running to the bathroom to pee didn't really seem like a positive. By the end of the two weeks though....I wasn't peeing as much because my body was adjusting and I found myself craving water above other drinks. I also just felt better all the way around. Likely it was my body not having to deal with all the artificial junk that had been in my previous beverages. Since that time.....water has been my friend. 

In truth...I don't always drink like I should.....but I do manage to get down at least 32 oz per day even on my worst days. I genuinely feel better when I drink water and the best part about water.....it is much cheaper (even if you buy bottled) than just about anything else you can drink. 

Here is what I know about water:
If you start drinking 64oz of water for one week.....you will lose weight. Granted it maybe water weight.....but it is a start.

Water has no taste and yet it is the most thirst quenching beverage out there.

Drinking water daily can improve your skin and your hair.

If you work or play in the sun and heat......hydration is imperative and water is the only true way to hydrate. Other beverages can actually cause you to dehydrate even more.

Drinking substantial water is a necessity in any kind of weight loss program and definitely in any workout program.

If you love massages.....it is very important to drink and rehydrate after a massage.

I know there are many other benefits to drinking this simple yet imperative elixir of life, but these are the ones I know first hand. In the next week...I plan on making some changes and one of them will be more water. It is a great way to start change by cleansing the body and hopefully if my body starts feeling better.....so will my mind. I will let you know how it goes.

So I raise my glass (of water) and say......Here's to a gloriously hydrated week!

Jeans

Day 2
Jeans! We all wear them and if you think about it....they are a crucial part to most of our wardrobes and even our lives. I myself have been around from bell bottoms to skinny's and everything in between. There have been tight jeans, loose jeans, high waisted and low waisted. Some have worn them uber tight while others have chosen to let them fall way below their Mason/Dixon Line. Whatever your choice though.....pants and mainly jeans.....are an essential part of our lives.  I realized this as I was running through the house half crazed looking for my favorite pair this morning. At my age.....and size.....a good fitting, favorite pair are in short commodity.

When I was young.....I chose my jeans based on fashion and looks rather than comfort. If this meant smashing my organs to the point of not functioning properly and never being able to go to the bathroom for fear I would not be able to get them zipped back up on my own.......well then so be it. As long as I looked good, that was all that mattered. And you wonder why girls started going to the bathroom in pairs. Duh....we needed help zipping our jeans. As I got older though, I chose my jeans for comfort. When you are a mom, doing mom stuff and having to reach, bend and twist yourself into a thousand different contortions everyday.....you need comfort. Now a days though.....I choose my jeans for fit! Looks are about 20% of why I choose a jean, comfort is about 30% and fit is the other 50%.

If I have a pair that fit and I can breath in them, I will wear them daily! This means they end up being washed about 5x more than any other article of clothing I have. This also means that in a pinch....I will yank them from the dirty clothes pile and wear them dirty if need be. Yeah....that is how important they are to me. This also means that they wear out about 5x faster than any other article of clothing I have which means that at least twice a year I am breaking in new jeans.

The fact is that when you get older and gain weight.....clothes do not fit like they did when you were

a size 5. Everything drifts south and out.... and your clothes no longer serve as something to accentuate the positives. Instead they must lift, separate, smash and hide all the negatives. Yes....I expect a lot of my clothes. That is why when I find those jeans that fit just right......they are like water in the desert and I hold on to them for dear life.

So with all the different kinds of comfort pants available.....why jeans? There was the sweat pant craze where literally everyone wore them wherever they went. They even made designer sweat pants for the socialite on the go. Truth is....I never got into that. I did have sweat pants and I wore them around the house on occasions but NEVER out. I just couldn't. Then there were the nylon sweat suites. Again quite fashionable if you liked that sort of thing. I didn't. I never even owned one. Then came sleep pants. I must say that I love with my whole heart and soul my sleep pants. That being said....I actually sleep in them and maybe lounge around the house in them, but I don't shop, run around or socialize in them. Now we also have yoga pants. They are great......for YOGA and they look amazing on about .25% of the population. The rest of us just might as well realize that cellulite, lumps, bumps and any other skin imperfections show right through yoga pants and in my book.....it doesn't matter how comfortable you are....ain't nobody wants to see all that! So that is why jeans!

It is my hope that someday I will own a pair of jeans again solely for fashion.....however I will never again allow fashion to trump comfort. That ship has sailed. I would just be happy with a pair of jeans that make my butt look high, my 5'1" legs look long and no muffin top. Is that really too much to ask from my pants? Yeah.....don't answer that!

Day 1: In the Beginning........

Day 1

In the beginning....... Everything since the conception of creation has had a beginning. Everything starts from an origin. This is my origin. If you read my other blogs....then you might know that this last week I have had some thinking time on my hands. In that time I came to some realizations. That is what this is all about.

In each of us very complex and intricate human beings....there are actually only three simple key elements that keep all the complexities and intricacy's functioning. These elements are body, mind and soul. When working in sync.....the being runs efficiently and effectively. However, when even one of these elements is out of sync, the being can become a complete and total train wreck. "Whoot whoo...." Hear that? That is me coming down the track!

In my humble opinion, of the three key elements....the soul is the most important. The soul is where we keep our faith and without faith in something, we are nothing but an empty shell. My faith is in God and like anything else, the only way to strengthen it is to give it a daily workout. For me that is prayer and the constant reminder that if I hand something over to God to take care of.....I must leave it there. Trust me.....with all the spiritual aerobics I do......my soul should be of athletic proportions. It isn't though because the other two elements are not working in sync. That being said, without proper training and care, and without my soul/faith being in good shape, nothing else will be either.

Next is my mind. My mind is so rogue. It always has been. Living in my head is like living in a 1960's thriller all the time. It takes so many twists and turns and you simply never know what is going to happen next. Often my mind likes to lease property in some pretty negative areas. It is a struggle to grab the faith I need to keep myself in more scenic and upscale real estate. It can be exhausting trying to balance mind and soul and if they our out of whack then the body will follow suit.

Finally the body. It has been proven time and again that mind and soul have immense power over the body. They can cause the body healing and they can cause the body to fail. Mine has been failing for a long time. That is what comes from going through life "faking" everything. I have said it before and I will say it again. Those that tell me how strong I am have no idea just how weak I am. Strong is facing things head on and keeping the three elements in sync. Weak is acting as if you face things head on when you know that body, mind and soul are actually reeling out of control at an alarming rate. Perhaps it is time to stop faking and reeling and start putting things right.

My 51st birthday came and went this year with little fan fare or even thought. It was an "ehh" kind of birthday, possibly because there was much more on my mind than cake and wrinkles. This is a pivotal year in my life for a lot of reasons and because of this I seem a lot more out of sync than usual. The truth is though.....I have always been out of sync. I have never really had the balance that allows me to "know" me or find the best me. I was never taught to be whole so I have been working unaligned my whole life. I come from a long line of out of sync and that is all I have ever known. Unless I want to continue the cycle.....it is time for me to actually take a stand.

So today is the beginning. I don't know where this is going to go or what I am going to find on the way. There is no map, directions or guarantees. It is simply a step, which will be followed by another and another until I eventually find my destination. Hopefully when I arrive, I will have found a much better version of me.

It is my plan to blog daily. Perhaps there will be pictures, maybe video and always my thoughts and words on where I am at. While the past may pop up from time to time as I have to know where I have been in order to find out where I am, I really don't want to speculate on the future. I want each day and even each minute to be filled with surprise. I am banking on the fact that if the three elements start to sync up then some of those surprises might just be happy ones. I will post these blogs daily on The Lisa Blogs on facebook but only on occasions will I actually post this on my facebook page. This means that you either have to follow me, like The Lisa Blogs facebook page or bookmark this blog if you wish to go along on this journey. Oh and just so you know what you "might" be in for: there could be weight loss, exercise, health, spirituality and of course Lisaism's right and left. You know you don't want to miss the Lisaism's! Maybe someone reading will laugh or cry or even relate and they too will begin a similar journey of synchronization.

To mark the beginning of this journey....I am doing something I almost never do. I am posting a picture of myself. Okay....myself and two close friends. I am the "fluffy" one in the purple top. In 365 days....good, bad or the same....I will post another picture and see where I am. So grab a toothbrush, pack your readers and let the journey begin............

To Believe in Me

Today is the day! What I did yesterday doesn't matter and what I will do tomorrow is a moot point as tomorrow is not a definite. All that matters is today, right here in this moment. I am in total control of this moment. I am in control of how I act and react and what path I put myself on. My choices and decisions are my own and I will own the bad decisions I make just as I do the good ones.

If the bottom falls out of today.....as it sometimes does on days that end in "y", then I can let it defeat me or fuel me. I can fight or I can fall. Every second I work towards my goal(s) is a second closer to attainment and second farther from the starting line.

I can do anything I want to do. Where there is a will there is always a way and it is not people or circumstance that stand between me and what I want.....it is only me and my fear that  are the culprit.

I cannot control what I do not know and I cannot control the should have's....all I can control is now.

Yes....there are lots of cliches and motivational words here, but the fact is.....no one knows me better than I know me. No one scares me more than I scare me and no one is out there cheering me on except for me. I have to be my own cheerleader and only I know when I need the motivation to move forward, to speak up or simply just to listen. The answers are always there and I can achieve if I believe....I just need to believe in me!