Perspective! I believe I have mentioned it a time or thirty in all of my blogs. Without it we emotionally blow in the wind and find it hard to focus on the necessary things in our lives, allowing the world to blow up around us. Because I find perspective an integral part of.....well...EVERYTHING, I thought it deserved a revisit. So here is me, revisiting perspective.
Last I talked about "loving me," letting go of the dreaded excuses and moving forward. The words sounded good both at the time and in theory, but the moment my new found and both self appointed and self proclaimed "life coach" quit inundating me with her views of my life and she actually saw my life with her own eyes and not just her perception of what she thought my life was, she ran for the hills and I haven't seen her since. Yeah, my life is not for the faint of heart and as I saw her last bit of judgement rolling out of sight in the dust cloud of the absence that her presence left, I realized what I always have known. I'ts ALL up to me. Which was closely followed by an anxiety attack, then an asthma attack and finally an ulcer. Yeah, my body and I were glad to see her go. So now what?
Well, in the midst of migraines, anxiety and all the other fun stuff....there was good news along the way. Mostly it slowly unraveled that basically I am healthy. You know the old saying "If you have your health you have it all," well there is loads of truth in that and finding this out gave me some much needed perspective. What prey tell was that you might ask? Basically that I'm not dead and, not dying and not really even sick and that I am constantly and forever.....a work in progress. Progress meaning, moving forward and not back sliding. So having the clarity to know these things intellectually when the sun is shinning......... and keeping them in perspective when I feel life kicking my tookus are two different things. Quite honestly there are times when it is hard not to grab my flip flops, sunscreen and towel and not take an extended vacation on Pity Island. Especially when your self proclaimed life coach even finds your life uncoachable. Sigh......
Finding out that other than needing to drop pounds, exercise and taking care of my thyroid, asthma and ulcer are all that is really wrong with me, took a huge weight off my shoulders. There will always be stress and anxiety where my kids are concerned....but to throw my own self into the worry pot helps no one and quite honestly I owe it not only to myself but to everyone else around me to stay as healthy as possible. After all.....this family simply couldn't function without my sharp wit and snappy comebacks and of late I have felt neither sharp nor snappy. So what to do? Back the heck up (not to be confused with back sliding) and get some perspective. See how that word just keeps popping up?
Much like an addict or alcoholic trying to avoid the next high or drink, I need to avoid overwhelming myself and have faith in myself and more importantly God. I am not alone and I can do this, it is just a matter of how....and I am not merely talking about shedding pounds....I am talking about redirecting life. With all of this going on in my head, the words "The longest journey starts with just one step," keep running through my mind.....and that proverbial step they refer to needs to be forward. I really am tired of standing still or going in circles. I think I am ready for that step. Truth is though, life is not suddenly going to calm and part like the Red Sea for me to make this journey. If my life history teaches me nothing else, it teaches that there are going to be times that I am going to have to force those steps in the midst of gale force life pounding against me. Lets face it, there are simply days when life is my adversary and it really does not want me to win. The question is....who is stronger.....me or life? Up til now.....life seems to be taking lead point.
So here it is.....instead of big change with 95% chance of failure, I am opting for small.....even baby steps. Today I take my first. It is small, insignificant to the naked eye and yet could have enormous impact if I let it. Perhaps tomorrow I will take another. My hope is that each night before I lay down to sleep, I can look back on the day and realize that today I am one step further away from the past and one step closer to the future I am working for.
Yep....it's all about perspective.