A Love Letter to Me

So, if you follow my other blogs...you know that once again the bottom has fallen out of my life and all plans that involve me are tossed to the side like so much........ And the excuses begin yet again.

I have finally turned to someone that I never even thought about turning to. I need tough love with direction and words that will give me the drive to do what now more than ever seems like the impossible. I have started this journey so many times only to quit, make excuses and sabotage myself at every turn. I need a life coach and believe it or not, I may have found one. Who this Svengali of all things me is....well this person wishes to remain anonymous for now, however in time.........

The tough love begins with these words, written to me so that I can look at them often and remember that they come from a place of love, concern and a great desire for me to be a healthy, happy me. So today I share probably the most real words about me that you will ever hear or see.

So you want my help? I will gladly give it with a few stipulations. The first of those is you must be honest. Not just with others, but also and more importantly, with yourself. You have lied to yourself and believed your own lies for far too long. You must also quit making excuses. You are not the only one with a hard life. You can choose to fall because of it or soar in spite of it. The choice is yours. Finally, you must love you enough to do this. Others can love you but only the love you have for yourself can motivate you to begin this new life and sustain you when the journey gets tough.

You must see your habits for what they are. You used to be very angry with your mother when she smoked because you felt like she was bit by bit poisoning her body and slowly killing herself. It was a horrid addiction and the momentary gratification she felt with a cigarette was more important to her than her future or her family. So tell me dear...is your addiction (and trust me, you do have an addiction) any different than hers? Are you not slowly poisoning yourself and choosing the momentary gratification of food over your future and your family? Just like any addict, you are self medicating with food and all the wrong kinds of food at that. You have to ask yourself why, because only you have the answer to that question. 

Do not buy into others telling you that you are strong. You are not strong. Strength is when you stand up to your demons, hardships and difficulties and face them head on without a crutch and without hiding behind something that is as destructive if not more so than the issues you are dealing with. You are strong for everyone else but you are weak for yourself and if you incapacitate or even kill yourself with your addiction, then who will be strong for those that need your strength?

Perhaps no one has pointed these things out to you before. My bet is that people have spent so much time blowing smoke up your.....  well you know, that they forgot that they weren't doing you any favors by not being real with you. They allowed you to make excuses, lie to them and lie to yourself and they became comfortable with watching you slowly killing yourself while they threw accolades of strength and hero worship at you. Trust me, I have heard it. Now though, you have no excuses. The truth is out, harsh though it may be. As Dr. Phil says, You can't change what you don't know or acknowledge. Well now you know. Whether you choose to acknowledge it is up to you. However, if you do acknowledge these things and continue making excuses and self-medicating with food knowing full well that the outcome could have tragic results, then I will have to call you one of the most selfish women on the planet because you of all people need to be healthy and strong for your kids. Have they not lost enough already?

So after reading all of this, if you are serious about this, if you are in it for the long haul and prepared to love yourself enough to fight and win, then I am here with you every step of the way. I will cheer your accomplishments and pick you up and slap you back in line if you flounder. I will help you get to the bottom of the why's and help you fix whatever is broken so that you no longer need food as a crutch. I will not however, allow you to lie to yourself, deny your actions or hide behind excuses. If you quit on yourself then there is little help anyone else can give you. 

Assuming you are still in this and haven't burned this by now, here is how you begin. 
1) Remove all junk food from your house (right now you can't be trusted if for no other reason than habit)
2) Make a menu for one week and include fish, chicken, lean beef. vegetables and fruits. Steer away from sugar and high fatty foods.
3) Drop one of the following from your diet this week: soda, diet soda, fast food, white bread or candy
4)Go to the store and buy only what is on your menu and buy extra fruits and vegetables for snacks
5)Incorporate one healthy smoothie into your diet daily
6) Drink 6-8 glasses of water a day
7)Do something active 30 minutes a day (walk, ride a bike, do a work out video)
8)Document your days. Write down the positives, the negatives, where you succeeded and where you might have failed.
9)Talk to me when things get tough because with my help you can do anything!

And so there you have it. Realness. Scary realness. It actually stings a bit. I guess raw truth sometimes does. Why is it when things get real, I never come out looking so good?  I am however, in it to win it and my kids do need me for the long haul. Today I clean out cabinets, the fridge and I make a menu. Tomorrow I shop. I refuse to be the weak, selfish person who quits on me and everyone else. So I guess you can say that as harsh as the words are, there is both love and truth in them and because of this, I consider today's blog to be.....a love letter to me.