The Year of You

So you are sitting on the couch in yoga pants and a t-shirt, wearing house slippers, hair uncombed, teeth unbrushed, no make-up (of course) eating chips and feeling like last years Prada bag (out dated, unwanted and embarrassed to be seen with). Be honest, we have all been there. Some of us are even there now.  Statistically we all usually end up here at least once during the first week of the year. Why? Because January 1st we were gun-ho on a new year, new hope and new body. By day four we realize that this would all be great if we weren't stuck with the same old problems, same old life and same old attitude. Day five we are planted firmly on the couch looking like someone out of the People of Walmart showcase. Sigh....... So how do we stop the insanity of this hamster wheel that seems to rule our life? By simply getting off and refocusing. We got here because we don't think we are worth the time and effort it takes to actually get dressed, comb our hair, brush our teeth and for goodness sake.....throw on a little eye-liner.

Woman to woman, wife to wife and mother to mother we all know that if our husband needed us to help him change his life or if our kids, parents, brothers, sisters or next door neighbors poodle, needed anything, we would be there giving it our all. Haven't we proven this a million times over by getting up with the kids at night so our husbands could sleep or doing over time on a kids project that they were supposed to do a week ago but decided to tell us about the day before? How about the times we have run errands for or taken care of other family members or friends even though we had our own errands, situations, jobs and lives to look after? They became our priority and we kept falling further and further down the ladder. So why can we give 100% for everyone else in the free world but when it comes to ourselves, yoga pants, bad breath and potato chips are the best we can do?

Part of our problem derives from the fact that we live in a "martyr" society where someone sent out a memo that women were always supposed to put literally EVERYONE ahead of themselves. We are nurturers and care givers clear down to our DNA. We are mom's, daughters and wives. All of the people we call family and friends are supposed to come first and we take the leftovers. Sadly, by the time we get to the leftovers, we have nothing left over to give ourselves. And the world just keeps on turning......

Now that we know we are in a rut and kind of sort of why.....how do we change it? We change it by putting ourselves....our own wants, needs and even desires ahead of everyone else for once. Yes, I heard you shutter and murmur..."Well that's just selfish. I can't do that." Some of you may have even been so outraged by what I said that you pulled yourself up off your cross, just long enough to stop reading. For those of you who didn't though.....what I am trying to say is this:  Of course as moms and wives we can't just run off to the Bahama's for a month and enjoy being served fruity drinks with umbrellas by a hunky guy named Benicio. However, we can test the waters of our new found worthiness and give ourselves a week where we "choose" to put ourselves first. So how do we do that you ask?????

Last I heard, marriage and children were a partnership. You are not an evil ogre if you ask your husband to get up with the kids a time or two at night. He after all, did sign the same "for better or worse" document that you did. You are also not the world's worst parent if you tell your child that they need to be more responsible and because they didn't do the project when assigned, they are responsible for the consequences of their grade....not you. I have heard tell that some may look on that last one even, as good parenting (those waters are still a little muddy for me though.) As for the rest of the family, friends and neighbors, you can't always be all things to all people. It is okay to tell your mom that you have your own things to do today but on another day when you are out and about you would love to pick her up an Enquirer and a pack of Camel's or tell your sister that in fact you cannot look after her hyperactive two year old while she goes out for drinks with the girls.  As ridiculous as this all may sound, the fact is, it is very hard for us as women to detach from all the things we think we are supposed to do for other people and bring the focus back to us.

So here's the deal. I challenge you all for one week to give yourself the gift of time for you. Take the time to actually get dressed and groom yourself. (Little fun fact: baby wipes do not equal a shower...ever!). Also, take the time to eat a meal and while you are at the whole meal eating thing, love yourself enough to make it a healthy and energy providing meal. Trim Healthy Mama has many, many healthy snacks and meals that you can prepare almost as quickly as you can an unhealthy and chemically enhanced frozen burrito. Us Drive thru Sues live for these meals. Finally, now that you are taking care of you a bit, do something that gives you a sense of joy and peace just for you. It can be a quick nap while the kids are at school, a nice walk outdoors, reading a book or treating yourself to a pedicure or a massage. Just do something for you that you wouldn't normally do because you are busy doing for everyone else.

What we don't realize is that when we treat and take care of ourselves, we also rejuvenate ourselves. We put a little bounce back into our own step and start feeling like more than just everyone else's go to person. This promotes not only physical well-being, but it also helps us mentally and spiritually. It starts to make us feel whole again and a whole person not only freely gives of themselves but they also freely and joyfully give to themselves.

Well, there you have it. Now get up off that couch, put those chips away and forget about the new years resolutions you have already blown. This year, can still be your year, by taking one step at a time (a shower would be a good first step) and one day at a time. You are worth it and trust me...the real you is there and 2019 is her/your year to shine.

Until next time......