To Vaccinate or Not....Is That the Question?

 

To COVID vaccinate or not? That seems to be the big debate right now. Well, of course, I am going to put in my two cents and figured that right here is the place to do it. Now before I continue, please know that if you get the vaccine, I support your choice in doing that 100%, and also, if you choose not to get it, I also support that choice 100%. In other words, I think that whatever you feel is medically right for you, as no one knows you better than you do, is going to be the right thing for you. 

Here is however where I stand on this subject. You do not have to agree with me, but please understand that just like you, I have my own opinions on the subject. 

I think COVID has been a crazy roller coaster ride since day one, and the way it has made human beings act, at best has made me laugh and at worst has made me sad and even afraid for them at times. This virus and all that surrounds it, has changed us all, and not at all for the better. People have just lost their perspective, their common sense and in some cases, their minds over all of this and I am not sure why. 

Back in January of 2020, when we had already heard that COVID was on its way to the US, we didn't stop going to concerts, going to stores, going out to eat, or living our lives. How many times had we faced these viruses, trudged through, and gone on with our lives? Why should this be any different? Then in February when the CDC started warning us that this one might be different, did we use our heads and start limiting our exposure to crowds, Lysol and Clorox our houses, do drive-thru instead of dine-in and just take normal preventative precautions to keep ourselves healthy? Oh no! People instead rushed out in literal hoards and started buying up toilet paper, Clorox wipes, Lysol and baby wipes. They would fight their way through crowds of people because they were sure they might not have all of these things to survive this virus that we were being warned about. What they effectively did though, was actually cause the shortages that the rest of us had to deal with for the next few months and put the virus into hyperdrive, not once using common sense and thinking that maybe fighting crowds was not their best choice. Little fun fact, these were the same people who would literally meltdown in public if they happened to see someone without a mask or saw their neighbors having more than two people at their house. 

Somehow, someway though, we managed to lockdown for 14 days to flatten the curve. These 14 days turned into months and months of people losing jobs, businesses going under,  kids not socializing, and mask makers making a fortune on masks. And yes, sadly, people got COVID and many died. The CDC did not help matters as they started out telling us that masks would not help. Then they said we needed special masks. Then they said, well we just needed masks. Then it was, we needed two masks. Finally, we worked our way back to we just needed to mask.....now maybe permanently. 

Along with this, we had restrictions on distancing and crowd size. Now just recently we have heard that the 6-foot distancing rule was basically ridiculous. If the virus is in the air, it doesn't matter whether you are 6 foot or 60 foot, it travels. Needless to say, I and many other people came to the conclusion that the CDC really had no clue what they were talking about, but....the fact that they were talking kept people nervous at best and downright scared at worst. Many just decided to err on the side of caution and go with what they considered the most protection they could get, especially those who had friends and relatives that had gotten sick and even died from it. 

Now we are a little over a year out from the time the pandemic caused by the virus started and our new conversation is, whether to get the vaccine or not. Some people are so adamant about the vaccine, that they are now wanting to demand that if you don't get it, then businesses shouldn't hire you or if you are already working someplace, the business should fire you. Now I can see this in a healthcare setting or the military, but why anyplace else? There could be definite reasons people don't or can't get the vaccine, but apparently, some feel that these people's vaccine history should dictate their hirability. This in my book is plain ridiculousness. Here is why I question this. 

What we currently know about the vaccine is that there are three on the market, about to be four. Of the current three, two of them require you to get two doses and one is a one dose. What we also know is that where most vaccines take up to a decade to be developed and tested before being approved, this one was shotgunned into existence without any testing as those currently getting the vaccine are the ones doing the testing. Not a big plus in favor of the vaccine. There have also been side effects such as blood clots and yes....even a few deaths from the vaccine, which under normal circumstances, the population would look at, raise an eyebrow and possibly be a little cautious before playing "damned if you do and damned if you don't" with your health. Instead, they are all but ignoring the side effects and rushing out to get it. I can't help but see the old picture of the wolf in sheep's clothing leading the pack of sheep as he takes them right up to the edge of the drop-off and then stands back and watches as they each run right on over the edge to their deaths. Now maybe this a bit of a dramatic visual, but bottom line, I never signed up to be a lab rat, did you? 

All that being said, if you listen to the CDC, they have told us that if you are fully vaccinated, then you are 99% safe from getting COVID. They do have the caveat that down the line we might need a booster, to keep it effective, but if the vaccine itself ends up being safe, then it should also be effective. So if you get the vaccine, and you are confident in the vaccine and its 99% effectiveness (if it's good enough for our birth control, then it should be good enough for our vaccine....right?) then why are people trying to demand that if you choose not to get it, a job should be withheld from you? We have never done this with the flu vaccine. And speaking of the flu vaccine, how many people get the flu shot and then still get the flu because they find out the vaccine they got was for a different strand of the flu than what they got? Who is to say that with the way COVID appears to be mutating that we won't run into the same thing with the COVID vaccine? You may get the vaccine right now, but by next winter, we may have a different strand to deal with. Do we just keep getting experimental vaccines every few months? What are the long-term effects of that? This is why we usually have years of testing before a vaccine is approved. Have all those rushing out to get the vaccine, even thought of any of this? 

So here is what I think (yes, this is the opinion part of this particular blog piece), I am taking the same stance on the vaccine as I have taken on wearing a mask. If you feel the need to get the vaccine for any reason, then I say GET THE VACCINE!!!!! In fact, if you need a ride to get the vaccine, I will take you! On the other hand, if you don't feel comfortable or simply don't want to get the vaccine, for any reason, then I say DON'T GET THE VACCINE!!!!! Whether you do or whether you don't will have no bearing on how I feel about you nor will I judge you one way or another. In other words, it should be your choice and no one else's. It is just that simple. 

I guess it all comes down to what you believe from the CDC, what your own health history is, and how comfortable you are with the current vaccines that are available to the public. 

Have I already or will I get the vaccine? Well, that is my business. I am not about the "look I got the vaccine" posts. I might do that over-voting, but not vaccines. For some reason that just seems a little too personal, but if I did get it, or do, it is to protect myself as that is the only one I can protect. If however, I am protected, then I am in no way worried about whether you have gotten the vaccine or not. It simply does not affect me....right? That is if they are telling us the truth and actually know....and if they are not.....then the vaccine is not going to work anyway, so........ I guess it wouldn't be the first time the government lied to us...right? 

So get the vaccine or don't get the vaccine, but don't try to dictate to others. That is just a slippery slope that will only come back to haunt us all. 

Until next time.....stay peaceful, stay educated, and get vaccinated.......if it's the right decision for you!

Depression and Self-Care

We are constantly being told by the world that we should "take care of ourselves." There is great emphasis put on self-care in everything from tv ads to self-help books and they stress the importance of taking care of everything from our physical needs to our emotional needs and all that lies in between. The fact is, who of us wouldn't just love to take care of ourselves on the regular, but often, finding the time to do it, isn't all that easy. 

We live in a world where there is much need. People need our attention, our help, and our care all the time. As a mother and a grandmother, there is a constant feeling that I should be doing something for somebody, and by the end of the day, I have very little left for me. And I can't speak for anyone else, but it seems that the pandemic and lockdowns didn't alleviate any of the outside need. In fact, at my house, the need to help others became greater, to the point that towards the end, I was feeling something that I hadn't ever really felt legitimately before. I was literally getting depressed. 

I found that if I didn't keep myself scheduled and focused, that I was just one meltdown away from going to bed, covering my head, and giving in to the feelings that were surrounding me.....whatever those might be on any given day. I refused to give in though and I fought it every step of the way. 

Now a little history here, I know my mom's dad suffered from what I assume was mild depression. Mom said about twice a year, that Grandpa would have what they called his "blue spells." These spells might last three or four days and when they came on him, he would do the chores and whatever work was necessary, but the rest of the time, he would just sit in his chair and not talk to anyone. It drove my mom crazy as she was a daddy's girl and not having her daddy's full attention or even any attention for that matter, was unacceptable to her. The family learned though, to give Grandpa his space, and just as quickly as the blue spells would come upon him, they would also leave. Now, how deep this went or the cause, no one ever really knew, but I am sure being a farmer in the Oklahoma clay and raising 11 children undoubtedly had its stress and worries, and perhaps his yearly couple of blue spells were his way of working through it all. 

Then there was my mom. My mom's health alone would make most people depressed. She had Lupus Erythematosus, Glameral Nephritis, and four primary cancers, but she always seemed to have a knack for finding positivity even through it all. Looking back though,  I know there were times she wasn't herself. Sadly as a child, I was not in tune with the struggle of the adults in my world, as I was more focused on myself and I am sure that I missed a lot. There was only one time though, that I know Mom had a real discernable bought of depression. It was after she fell off a ladder and crushed the bones in her leg and foot and the doctor told her she might never walk again. When this happened, I think she had a great deal of difficulty processing the extent of her injury and accepting that she might not ever be independent again. 

For about three weeks, Mom was basically bedfast and during that time, she was miserable. An avid reader, she refused to read. She refused to watch tv or listen to the radio or talk to anyone. She just lay in her bed, angry and depressed. Mom being Mom though, wasn't going to let the injury get the better of her, and after that three weeks, I think she literally willed herself into getting out of that bed, healing those bones, and walking again. I guess that it was her focus and her desire for self-care that pulled her out of it, as well as a miracle or two. Her stubbornness might also have played into it a bit. Whatever it was though, thank God she had it and she eventually healed to the point of walking again. I won't say that Mom was ever truly the same person after that again, but she definitely did not let anything else, (including cancer) slow her down until the very end. 

As for me, I have only been truly depressed once in my life. It was after my late husband Tim died. My doctor was afraid that I was going to get depressed because of all that was going on in my life, so he wanted to be pre-emptive and start me on meds. Now mind you, I had no symptoms of depression, I was just simply going through a lot. My head was in such a place though, that I agreed to go on the meds, as he was the doctor and knew best....right?  

For several months he kept changing meds around on me because I kept telling him that I didn't like how I was feeling. Before I knew it, I could barely get out of bed. I had sunk so low into a depression that going to the bathroom was an effort, let alone being a mom or anything else. My kids couldn't understand what was going on and thought that I had basically abandoned them, and I refused to let any of my friends close enough to see what was going on and what shape I was in. Finally, I figured out that it just might be the medication, so I did some research and found out that I could ween myself off of it, so I did. Within two months I began to feel human again and that was the end of my time with that particular doctor, depression meds, and my depression....until recently. 

COVID and all that has gone with it literally could have been my undoing. It completely threw me out of my element and made the world a foreign and uncomfortable place for not just me, but I am sure the whole country. In about October, I started to feel myself getting angry over nothing and everything. I was getting frustrated with everyone and the slightest things could set me off. The worst though, was that I found myself getting emotional for no reason at all. This just wasn't me. I had been an early riser for quite a few years, but suddenly I started wanting to avoid getting up and avoid all the many things that I knew I had to do each and every day. It was once again an effort to get out of bed and everything in my world felt like it was suffering and I hated it.  Nope! I wasn't going down this road again. 

It was November when I finally decided to start going to the gym. I needed something to focus on that wasn't pandemic-related, politics-related, or social media-related. I needed to do something for me that wasn't merely an expectation of me from someone else. Believe it or not, the gym started helping. I also started to pay attention to what I was eating. I noticed that when I gave into things like sugar (a depression's best friend), it was affecting my attitude and how I felt in general. It even triggered a few nasty migraines. Then I ran across an article one day that talked about fighting depression with routine and structure. It said to give yourself a daily routine or schedule and within that schedule, include three things that were for you and three things that were daily tasks that you needed to get done. It said not to put more than six things on the list and the first thing every morning, to make your bed! I think the thought process behind that is if your bed is made, there is already some order in your life and a made bed is not as easy to crawl back into as an unmade one is. 

The article was right. When I made my bed first thing, it prompted me to go ahead and get dressed and get ready for the day. I was not lying around in my pajamas and in fact, these small daily acts, even energized me. As I added going to the gym and taking that hour for myself and focusing on only what I wanted to focus on, gave me motivation when I got home to then do the things I needed to do for the house and for others. I also found that taking a break every now and then and just doing nothing, for five minutes was also energizing. The key was allowing myself to do it without feeling guilty. 

Gradually, I found myself making more time for myself, and the things that kept me recharged and feeling good about life. Through doing this, I found that I actually was able to also commit more time to my family, my house, and the projects in my life where I was needed. A happy and emotionally healthy me was also a more productive and giving me. 

This last week, I have felt myself backslide a bit. I have had an injury that wasn't healing like it should and not nearly as fast as I thought it should. It has kept me away from the gym, which I have realized for me, is better than any prescribed medication could ever be. Then yesterday I realized something crucial. I haven't been making my bed. In fact, I haven't been doing much in the way of anything these last few days. Hmmm

So today, the bed is made, I was up and at it and today I am heading back to the gym and I will do what I can, as long as I can, without the slightest bit of guilt. So it seems that once again, there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and rather than wait another minute, today I plan to get back on track, whatever that looks like.  I already feel so much better and just the thought of the gym makes me feel so much more motivated.

Now please, don't get me wrong. I am in no way downplaying depression or the treatment of depression. I am fully aware that just because I am choosing one way of controlling this leftover COVID side effect, doesn't mean that it will work for everyone. I also fully understand that some people need medication to handle their issues. Not all depression is created equally and believe me, if at anytime my depression got worse or I sunk into an abyss that the gym or making my bed couldn't pull me out of, I would be looking for other answers and medication if necessary. 

What I am saying though, is that 2020 was a tough year for a lot of us and even people who have never suffered from any form of depression previously, are feeling their own kind of "blue spells" now. If you are lucky, maybe you can find "your gym" and your own structure to bring you back to you. 

Self-care is so important and finding those things which bring you joy and keep you motivated and excited about life are crucial for good health both mental and physical. Also, check out what you are eating. Most of us found the lockdowns a great time to cook and more importantly eat. There may be things in your diet that are part of the reason you feel sluggish, unhealthy, and uncomfortable in your own skin. An underlying allergy to certain foods can make you feel awful without you realizing it. I know it's amazing how simply removing the bulk of sugar from my diet has made me feel so much better. And okay...... maybe the gym is not for you, but try and make yourself move each day. A walk with your dog, mowing the yard, or a walk around the mall, can do wonders for your mental health and your perspective on life. Self-care has many forms. 

Well, the restrictions are lifting and life is opening back up for most of us. It's time to get out there and reclaim our lives and our bodies, minds, and souls.  Make the rest of 2021 your year and shake off the COVID blue spells in whatever way is healthy for you. You will be so glad you did. 

Until next time.....stay peaceful, stay productive and most of all......make your bed! 

A Tattoo for You or Whatever You Do To Make You Happy

 We all have things that just make us feel good. Maybe they make us feel pretty or sexy or maybe they just make us feel complete. They may not be things that we can't live without, but they are things that have purpose in our lives because of what they do for us mentally, physically, spiritually, or all the above. It can be anything as small as getting your nails done or as big as getting plastic surgery. Whatever it is though, you can better bet that someone is going to have an opinion on it and moreover, they are going to make that opinion known. 

When I was young, tattoos were really not a mainstream thing. They were more for the military, carnie, biker types. If you were not one of the aforementioned and you had a tattoo, people had immediate preconceived notions about who you were and just how you might fit into society. Over the last couple of decades though, tattoos have become far more mainstream and dare I say, even fashionable. Tattoo parlors are in just about every city and town, large and small and everyone from teens to little older grandmas are getting them. 

Depending on the skill of your tattoo artist and your own desired artwork choices, some have literal masterpieces spread out across their bodies. Others though, can end up with misspelled words, designs that don't look the way they had hoped, or just messed up, jacked up tattoos that are ugly and even embarrassing. That is no fun, especially since unless you have $$$ for removal, you are basically stuck with a reminder of either your bad judgment or the artist's bad craftsmanship for eternity and beyond. Either way, it is not the desired end game. 

Now about a decade ago, I decided to get my first tattoo. Yes, I was a full-grown, mature adult woman and I wanted a tattoo. However, I told myself that if I got a tattoo, it would have to mean something to me. I wasn't going to put something on my body that would last a lifetime and 40 years from now look at it and wonder, "What the hell was I thinking?" Also, I wasn't putting this tattoo someplace that was going to sag or distort so that again, 40 years from now I would look at it and wonder, "What the hell was I thinking?"

So a friend and I went to a tattoo party at another friend's house. Who knew such things existed? It was rather convenient though. You would get in line, pick the tattoo you wanted, and when it was your turn, you got tattooed. In my head, this beat the heck out of going to a shop. Don't ask me why. Perhaps it was the liquor that I was able to consume before it was my turn. Lucky for me, the guy before me had a whole upper back tattoo of a Michaelangelo painting, so there was plenty of time for me to get my drink on and numb every part of my body. 

I had decided that my first and maybe my only tattoo (depending on how this whole thing went) was going to be a little barnyard pig. I have loved pigs all my life and when my friend and I saw the pig in the artists' book of drawings, we both agreed that a pig it must be. I then, in the moment, decided that the placement would be on the top of my right foot. Now I knew nothing about the pain involved with tattoos or where on the body might hurt the least or the most. My placement choice was because I could cover it up as I knew there would be people in my life who would not approve, but when I was barefoot or wearing a sandal, I could enjoy my little piggie. 

As the guy in front of me was getting his masterpiece finished up, I nervously awaited my turn full of alcohol and second-guessing my decision. Then suddenly the tattoo artist sat me down, drew the outline of the pig, pressed it on my foot, and away we went. Thank goodness for the alcohol. I felt absolutely nothing in an area that I am told I should have been coming up out of my seat on. In about 15 minutes' time, he was done and I had the cutest little pig on my foot that you have ever seen. For some reason though, the moment I stood up, I knew the party was over for me, and we left. 

I have never once regretted my pig and even when those that I knew would disapprove, saw it, and actually did disapprove, I didn't care. I love my pig. In fact, I loved it so much that it made me make a bit of a mistake on my next tattoo. 

My son had a friend who had decided he wanted to be a tattoo artist. He in fact was a really good artist and he was looking for people to practice on. I figured everybody's gotta learn and if I did something simple, then how bad could it be? Even if he messed it up, I should be okay...right? So he came to my house and he tattooed both my son and myself. Again, I might have numbed a little with alcohol before he began and again, there was little pain. 

I chose an infinity symbol on the outside of my left leg with both my deceased mother and daughter's names on the symbol. It was done in black ink. My sons was a treble clef on his upper arm done in black. The tattoos weren't horrible, but in time, they did start looking kind of globby and so several years ago my son went to a really amazing tattoo artist and had his treble clef redone with a watercolor effect. It is beautiful. Mine, however, just got uglier. 

Then last year, one of my closest friends lost her daughter in an accident. It was a tremendous tragedy and it killed me to watch my friend and her husband suffer. Their daughter was an amazing young woman and one of the things she loved were sea turtles. To be honest, I had never really thought about sea turtles before. Then one night I went to bed and I had horrible nightmares. I have no idea what they were about, but the minute my eyes opened the next morning, I had this undying thought that I had to get a sea turtle tattoo on my wrist. I tried to talk myself out of it several times as we were still in the middle of COVID and most tattoo shops were closed. Then, out of nowhere, this tattoo artist that I had never seen before, popped up on my Facebook feed. Even more curious, was that she lived and worked in the next town over. I just knew without a doubt that she was the one I was supposed to go to, so I messaged her and she got me in the next day. She worked out of her home and again, I liked that there was no shop involved. I showed her what I wanted and within half an hour and just a little discomfort (no alcohol was available), I had the most beautiful sea turtle on my wrist that I had ever seen. I cannot tell you how much I love this tattoo, mainly because I think there was a little divine intervention involved with my getting it. I truly think Kylie (the young girl) wanted me to have it and she made it so that it all fell into place for me to get it. 

Finally, about two weeks ago, I decided that my globby leg tattoo needed to be fixed. I was tired of seeing it, as it wasn't even really distinguishable anymore. I sent the tattoo artist (her name is Z and she was the one that did my turtle) a picture of my ugly tattoo and showed her what I wanted instead. She drew me a beautiful cover-up for the original tattoo and before I knew it, I was on her table and she was tattooing away. Now I am going to say without hesitation, that this tattoo HURT! Apparently, I picked a spot just ripe with nerve endings and I spent the entire hour questioning this particular life choice with gritted teeth.....until she was finished. She had taken the original infinity symbol and made it much bigger in order to cover the globbiness. She did some amazing shading on the curves and added yellow roses and my mother and my daughters' names. It is truly a beautiful tribute to my mother and daughter and honestly, it was worth every ounce of pain. Often, some of the beautiful things in life are. 

I currently have three tattoos that mean a great deal to me. They are tattoos that 40 years from now will still mean a great deal to me and because they are each beautiful, they make me feel beautiful. There is also something about going through the experience of getting a tattoo that is so therapeutic for me. Perhaps the pain of the tattoo is healing in some ways because afterward, I always feel a weight has been lifted. I have no idea why. 

Of course, each time I get a tattoo, there are those who tsk tsk me and question why I would do that...especially at my age. I've been told that it is nothing but foolishness and there is always someone who tells me, "Well I would never do that to my body." They are usually the ones that have had their lips plumped and their cheeks filled with botox, but what do I care? If that makes them feel good about themselves, then by all means I support them and if they don't understand that my tattoos make me feel the same way, then let them feel the way they feel. Their opinion of me or my tattoos is none of my business. 

Sometimes in life, we just have to do things that change how we see ourselves and feel about ourselves. Had anyone told me when I was in my 20's that when I was in my 50's I would be getting my third tattoo, I would never have believed it. Life and time have changed me though, and these tattoos have helped me heal in ways I never knew possible. And no...I'm not done yet. There will be more. I am working on one that honors my late husband and the life we shared together, but first I gotta find a spot on my body with a lot less nerve endings.

I guess the point of all of this is, get your nails done, have your butt lifted, your tummy tucked or your lips plumped if it makes you feel good about yourself. Do the things that make you feel beautiful and heal your body, mind, and soul. More importantly, don't let anyone make you feel bad or uncomfortable about your choices just because they wouldn't do it or because they don't understand why you would and do. 

One thing you learn with age and the passage of time is that life is short and it isn't always easy, it isn't always fair and yes, sometimes there is pain. So when we find things that bring us joy, bring us closure, bring us peace and even give us the ability to move on through life more whole than we were beforehand, we owe it to ourselves to go for it and be damned what anyone else thinks or says.

Until next time.....may you stay healthy, may you do the things that make you happy and may you feel beautiful in your own skin.  

They Know My Name at the Gym

 

Oh, my word!!!! What have I become? THEY KNOW MY NAME AT THE GYM!!!! That's right. I have officially gone to the gym so much, that they know my name. Who in the world would have ever thought this strange turn of events would happen? Even stranger though, (dare I say) I LOVE going to the gym! I know! I know! Craziness!

The fact is, that when I started going to the gym, I was terrified. No, I was not afraid of the gym, I was afraid that my body simply couldn't cut it anymore. I was afraid I wouldn't last 10 minutes on the treadmill and that I would never be able to be truly healthy again. I swallowed my fear though and I took my first step which was walking into the place. Then I got on the treadmill. I made it 20 minutes. Then I made it 30 minutes. Soon I added the elliptical and then the bike. Before I knew it, I was working out 45 minutes to an hour most days of the week. I would pop in my headphones and turn on my podcasts and away I went. It has truly been surreal. 

There have been a few short hiatuses, like when my blood pressure medicine decided to kick my butt and almost made me fall off the treadmill. It took me a few days to figure out that my working out was causing my blood pressure to go down and because of the meds I was on to regulate it, my bp was dropping too low. The result? One medication is gone and one to go. I also had a few days where life got in the way and the gym wasn't possible and then days like the other day when I couldn't put on my tennis shoe because of a blister on my heal. Added speed, equals added friction in my shoe, which equaled a nasty blister. It's been flip-flops for me until this bad boy heals. 

While I have been doing great at the gym, and my bp is very good, I haven't focused on my eating like I should.....or at all. I just hate thinking about what I eat and when I feel I have to think about it, I go into a rebellious state in which cookies are eaten at will and bread (which I am not even that fond of) becomes a three-meal/day staple. Thus, the weight loss has not been as good as I would like. The upside though, I have lost some inches. I have cut myself a bit of slack though, as I have stayed consistent going to the gym for months now, so I figure that healthier eating will come. In fact, my step-daughter has started Trim Healthy Mama (THM) and she is doing very well, looking good, and turning into a bit of an inspiration for me, so perhaps I will give THM another go. Who knows?

The greatest parts of all of this for me have been my ability to stay goal-oriented and consistent and the fact that I conquered my fear on that first day, and proved that I could still work out and work towards a healthier me. Oh, and of course, going off one of my bp medications was pretty awesome too! 

Going forward, as soon as this heel heals (see what I did there?) I plan on branching out from just doing cardio, to adding weights. I no longer have the arms and legs of a twenty-year-old, but adding some firmness and definition might not be a bad thing. Also, some strength training could really help, since David isn't getting any smaller and chances are, I will be lifting his hefty tush for many years to come.  

So I am taking my wins where I can and realizing that there is still much I can do in this life. Of course, I still have fears from time to time, but each one that I am capable of conquering so that I can move on to the next challenge is huge for me and the fact that I have not allowed myself to give up or quit has been amazing. Dare I say, I am proud of me? I think I just did! 

Well, this whole gym journey since last November has been truly unbelievable for me. I have faced my fears, worked towards my goals, and best of all.....THEY KNOW MY NAME AT THE GYM!!!!

So until next time, stay safe, stay healthy and be fearless. You are never too old or out of shape to try!

COVID, Planet Fitness and An Ear Infection

I decided that it was time to brush the dust off this particular blog and show it some love, and today's verbiage is perfect for the theme of this blog. 

I know most of us are beyond tired of hearing about or even thinking about COVID, and yet almost a year later, it is still a major part of our culture and our lives. It has caused illness, death, fear, and yes, in some cases, even strange and ridiculous behavior. It has also done a number on people's mental health as we have become a society that no longer can be face to face or have the human interactions we have always relied on to soothe us, guide us and help us to feel....human. 

We as a family have had COVID go through our house at least once that we are sure of, and we have been put on self-containment several times as we were closely exposed. The fact is, no matter whether you wear a mask or not, wash your hands until they are sandpaper, and/or avoid crowds like it's your job, you can still fall ill. I have always known this and because of knowing this, I have never panicked over it. I have always used common sense, but when it went through the house, it was what it was. Thankfully, we all had mild to moderate forms of it, and we all came out okay. 

I will say though, that aside from making us all physically sick, it has also changed us and our world. It has changed how we view everything from crowds to even socializing. It has caused mass fear, and with mass fear, there has also been mass irrationality. Mental health has been affected, and there has been a rise in abuse cases as well as addictions of all forms. People have hidden in their homes with nothing but delivered food, their TV's and their social media, and they have become slaves to negativity and fear. 

There are others though, like me, who weren't the most "social" people on the planet to begin with, so isolation and no contact hasn't been quite the challenge for us that has been for others. There have been changes though and yes, they have affected me. The biggest change has been helping my granddaughter with her schooling. It began last year after spring break. You remember....the never-ending spring break?! She was in first grade and teachers, students, parents, and grandparents were thrown into a tizzy over schools being shutdown. Somehow, we managed to get these kids through the end of school, never dreaming that in August, we would still be in pretty much the same boat. 

I will say, that this distance learning has been one of the more stressful things in my life. I am constantly aware that....NO! I am not smarter than a second-grader. And it is not so much what they do, but, HOW they are expected to do it. More than once there have been tears and you better bet, they weren't always hers. 

There have been a lot of positives though, that I think have come from the COVID chaos. One of those has been a sense of time slowing down a bit. For a while, many people were sidelined to work their jobs from home. People didn't feel so rushed as they didn't have to get dressed up and fight traffic to get to work. There became a more laid back feel to our lives. Sadly, there were others who lost their jobs or were laid off, so this gave them new found time with their families. Suddenly people were cooking, baking, sewing, playing games with their kids and life was feeling much like life had been in the old days (the 70's and 80's). 

I myself slowed down a bit and decided to use my daily time in the kitchen (this is where we did school work), to do some cooking, baking, and canning, while Miss W did her schooling. After years of failure, I learned to make some pretty decent cookies, and loaves of homemade bread were always available to family and friends. I even made some pretty great jelly, that lasted about five minutes in our house. 

I also noticed that how I felt about the world and what was going on in it, was also changing. I was realizing that the big things like politics and even COVID, I was very limited on what I could do or change. What I could do though, was change me and maybe here or there in some small way, change my little piece of the world. 

As we drew closer to election time, after a summer of countrywide upheaval and unrest, I grew more and more discouraged with social media and the people on all sides of the issues, as they seemed to all have become angry, hateful and so self-assured that they were right, that there was no longer anything even resembling respectful discourse. I began to shut up and just watch people implode upon themselves. Then I just gradually walked away. 

It was about this time, just after the election but before Thanksgiving, that I went to the doctor. It was my yearly visit and he looked at me with a bit of disdain. I was on two kinds of blood pressure medicine, and my BP was still 140/100. He was not pleased and truthfully, neither was I. He gave me a month to get it down, or we were going to have to have a "serious" talk. I walked out of the office numb, as I had a million reasons why it was likely so high, but I wasn't sure how or even if I was going to make any changes. With everything in the world, I was just so neutral in my emotions that I really felt kind of stuck. 

Something must have hit a chord with me though because, on that day, I made a conscious effort to "social distance" myself from social media and to make a very unplanned and unexpected stop on my way home. 

My older son Wes, for several years, had devoted at least 3-5 nights a week to working out. Sometimes he went to our local gym and sometimes he worked out in the garage, but it had become as much a part of his routine as breathing. I know the rest of us, who in his vision did nothing more than lie around the house and eat, frustrated him. He watched us get sick, struggle with our health, and live in a mess of stress. I watched him though too. His body had definitely changed over time and he was strong as an ox. He did on rare occasions catch some precarious bug flitting through the house, but while the rest of us might be down for a week, he was usually up and over it in a day or so. I knew what he was doing was working and I also knew that working out on a regular basis was keeping him sane. 

Just weeks before, about 5 minutes down the road, there was a new gym in town. It was a Planet Fitness that was now taking residence in an old Dillons building. I had driven by it tons of times as they gutted and prepped the building. They were running sign-up promotions long before the building opened and even though there were already a couple of city-run gyms within a 10-mile vicinity, people seemed to be flocking to the new kid in town. Wes was one of those and he is pretty particular about his gyms and what he expects from them. He seemed please though. 

So on that day, when the BP was high and I was blah, my car, as if having a mind of its own, drove right into the Planet Fitness parking lot and stopped. I had no idea what I was doing there, but I figured with all the hype I had seen, it wouldn't hurt to check it out. As I walked in the door, I was hit with Beyonce singing "Put a Ring on It," and purple! There was purple everywhere.....and it was pretty. 

A young adult behind the counter greeted me. I told him that I was just looking and he said, "Let me show you around." There were free weights, weight machines for every part of your body, bikes, ellipticals, treadmills, and stair climbers. There was also a 30-minute room where you could get a full-body workout in 30 minutes and other rooms with machines and pulleys and things that I had no idea what they were. They also had tanning beds, massage chairs, and hydro massage chairs and beds. I hate to say it, but this place had me at the pretty purple. 

As if my mouth had a mind of its own, I heard myself telling them to sign me up. I wanted "the black membership," which included all the bells and whistles.....especially that hydro massage chair. I had no idea what that was about, but I knew that someday in the near future, I was going to find out. 

When I drove off, and the shock of my impromptu membership hit me, I wondered if this was going to be like ALL the other gym memberships that I had joined and never used. Somehow, I didn't think so, but I wasn't going to get my hopes or anyone else's hopes up just yet. 

With Thanksgiving so close and everyone's schedules so crazy, I was only able to go to PF, a couple of times before turkey day. It was a test to see if my body would even allow me to exercise. I had visions of myself passing out in the first five minutes or worse, only going in to use the hydro massage chair and leaving. Because of this, I made a deal with myself. I could only try the chair after I had gone to the gym regularly for a month. 

I started out slow, doing only light cardio, to find out what my body was capable of. It began with 30 minutes on the treadmill. Then I began to change up speed and incline and worked my way up to 45 minutes and then an hour. When I knew my legs would not crumble or give out under me, I then added the elliptical. I started with 15 minutes and worked my way to 30 minutes, using the elliptical for 30 and the treadmill for 30. Again, I would change speeds and inclines and would try to get the biggest bang for my buck in the 30 minute time allotment. Before I knew it, it was the New Year and I had managed to get to the gym 3-5 times each week. It was time for the hydro massage chair reward. Let me just say, it is all that and a bag of chips. I only have time to use it on the weekends, but you can bet, every Saturday and Sunday, my workout ends with the chair. 

So here we are and it's almost the end of January. I am still making it work so that I get to the gym 3-5 times a week, and if I can't figure any other way, I will drag myself out of bed and get there by 4 a.m. to ensure that I am putting myself and my health first. It seems to be paying off, as I went to the doctor Friday and my BP is 110/68 and I have lost 11 pounds. The doctor said if I keep the gym up, that in a month or so, he will start weaning me off the BP meds. YAY!

Starting in February, I am going to start working with a personal trainer (all part of that black membership) and start working on my strength and muscle tone. This body has to stay strong in order to lift David's body around. 

It has been an amazing experience that I am really surprised at myself over. I honestly think that the two things that won me over were, Wes's dedication and the purple....oh, and the chair. I have now been going long enough that my body seems to crave the workout. Today though, my body will just have to be happy with rest as my bed is about as far as I am going. 

I think I have an ear infection. I can't hear, I feel water slushing in my ear and I get dizzy every time I stand up. I got up to get ready for church this morning and it took me about 2 seconds to realize that driving or even walking, weren't going to work for me today. I am trying very hard to get better about listening to my body and taking care of me. So this is me taking care of me. I can't just lay here and do nothing though, so I blog. I know the ears will be fine very soon and then I will be back to church, the gym, and my life. 

Here's hoping that you all are doing well, finding your way in this new year, and taking care of you! Until next time....be safe, be happy, be kind, and I hope you find your own pretty purple thing. 

The Next Seven Days

Diets. They are the downfall of my self esteem and all that is good and holy in my life. If you have read this blog before, you will know that in my lifetime, I have tried many different diets/lifestyle changes/implements of torture. All of them work for awhile, but they are all only as good as the user and this user has issues.

The last "diet" I was on, was Trim Healthy Mama (THM). Now don't get me wrong, it is really a good lifestyle and I lost weight on it, but it definitely is not without it's problems. THM is very close to the KETO diet and it has a lot of sound healthy things going on within it. It is really good for people with gluten issues and those who are diabetic. It is a great way to get sugar out of your diet and to get your metabolism going. What it isn't for me is, doable for life. 

Forget that THM has you in the kitchen most of your day because everything is basically made from scratch and they insist that you eat every three hours, but after a year or so, I simply couldn't stomach the food anymore. Perhaps it was the six meals a day....everyday for 365 days or maybe it was just using the same combinations of food and the same seasonings in different ways. I don't know, but after a while, I just simply could not eat the main course meals anymore. I have talked to others who were also THM converts and they too had similar complaints, so it wasn't just me and my inner rebellion against diets.

It has been six years since I first started it, and although I have gone back and restarted several times, after the last time, my body just refused to try again. I literally started getting sick at the smell and the taste. That is not to say though, that I didn't learn a lot from the program and that it didn't leave some positives in my life.

First of all, I totally gave up diet Mt. Dew. That was an expensive blessing that I wasn't sad to see go. I also learned a bit about my metabolism. I found my new favorite drink that is actually healthy. I really did learn a new appreciation and love for cooking and I learned about some Vitamin C based drinks that truly help to ward off illness during the cold and flu season. There are a lot of other positives that came from the experience, but just like with any healthy eating venture, if you quit doing it, it quits working.

This year for me, like for many of us, has been a challenge so far. Between the mental and the physical along with the constant upheavals locally and all around, it has been really hard for me to find balance. I am a huge feelings eater and lawdy have I had feelings! I have also gone through trying prescribed diet pills (yes, I was that up in my feelings) as well as having all of my upper teeth pulled and getting dentures that are still a work in progress. It has been months of ups and downs both in life and my weight. Add in some emotionally heavy and very dramatic situations that have hit very close to home and my heart and I am what the text books would call....a freaking mess.

So in the last couple of weeks, I have done a bit of thinking about where I am at and where I actually want to be. The two seem miles a part at this point. Would I like my thighs not to rub together when it's 90 degrees out? You betcha, but more than that, I would like to be healthy both physically and mentally and if my years have taught me nothing, it is that the two go hand in hand. You really need a balance of both to be truly healthy. That is when I decided to get real with myself and form a plan. As many diets as I have been on, I know that "a diet" or anything even remotely referencing "a diet" is not going to work for me. I also know that diet pills prescribed or otherwise, aren't the answer either. I felt like total crap the whole time I was on them. So if neither of those are the answer...then what is? Truthfully, I don't know, but I do know that I have enough knowledge on the subject thanks to THM, that I can sort of point myself in the right direction.

I actually do have a new found love of cooking and not just cooking, but the whole cooking from scratch thing. I learned from THM, the value and importance of knowing exactly what goes into your food. The extra additives in boxed or prepared foods are not only unhealthy but can also be part of why it is hard to lose weight. I have also gotten more adventurous in the last few months and started trying new foods and recipes. I'm actually not a horrible cook. Who knew? With all of this cooking though, there has also been a fair amount of eating going on too. So how do I cook the foods I want to and eat the foods I cook and not outgrow everything in my closet? After doing quite a bit of reading...and a few tips from THM....the key seems to be portion control and trying not to eat a lot of carbs and fats together. The concept for me is a work in progress but it does make me more conscious about what I cook and how I put foods together.

Of course as we all know, losing weight or more importantly....being healthy, is not just about what we put into our bodies. It is also about how we treat our bodies. Inactivity is unhealthy in any body regardless of size. Our bodies need movement to keep muscles and joints supple and working, They need exercise to properly oxygenate our organs and keep them functioning to the best of their ability. A sedentary body is a body ripe for injury, illness and mental health issues. It's true. The more active you are, the better off you are both mentally and physically. The only problem here is that I am not a huge fan of exercise. I really had to weigh (no pun intended) my huge love of eating over my huge dislike of exercise. The result? Balance. I can actually have my cake and eat it too, if I am willing to throw a workout or two in the mix to balance it out. Oh the sacrifices we make for love....of food.

When I began talking with myself about exercise, a million reasons why exercise did not fit into my life, started to bloom in my garden of excuses. Honestly, my life is pretty non-stop busy from the time my feet hit the floor until I go to bed, especially with David, the grand kids, the house, the laundry, the cooking and the yard. I stay pretty active all day, but there is active and then there is healthy exercise active. Since there are only so many hours in the day, I decided that the best way for me to get exercise in, is to combine it with my already busy household routines. To start with, on the days when I mow and workout in the yard, there is already some healthy activity going on there and if we are counting steps, by the time the yard is finished, I have put in a good 8000 steps on the yard alone. Add to that the bending down over and over to pick up the yard before mowing and the bending and stretching with various other yard activities and that is a pretty fair workout for the day. One day though, is not enough. So I had to get creative.

I can't really afford the luxury of a gym membership and in the best of times, I am pretty much a homebody. Since COVID-19 though, I am darn near a recluse and I kind of like it that way. I am willing to venture out several times a week and go for a 30 or so minute walk and when I have to go to the grocery store, I do consider that part of my walk regimen, but still I needed more....so I have decided to try and make my house....my gym. My house has two sets of 13 step stairs. One is to go up to the second story and one is to go to the basement and I climb up and down those steps at least 10 times/day. I have decided to double that and each time I have to go up and down with a purpose, I will add and additional up and down as part of a workout. I have also decided that since I manage to go in and out of every room in my house at least 3 times each day, that I am going to assign 15 reps of a given exercise in each room. For instance, in my room I have a big exercise stability ball. Each time I enter my room, I do 15 crunches on the ball. If I go in the upstairs bathroom, I do 15 jumping jacks. The living room is 15 push ups and in the laundry room I have dumb bells and I do 15 reps of different arm lifts every time I enter the room. Each room either has some kind of workout equipment such as bands or the stability ball or in the rooms that don't, I just do some sort of exercise that doesn't require equipment.

I tested this technique out a bit last week and really liked it and felt like I accomplished something without having to make a lot of extra time to workout. Starting tomorrow I will try to be absolutely dedicated to it for the the next seven days. I am also going to be dedicated to eating what I want, but paying attention to the portions, and as a side note, I am also going to make it a rule to not eat after 6 p.m. It is proven that this helps with weight loss and also makes it so that you don't have acid reflux all night. That is win/win in my book.

If you notice I said that I am dedicated to all of this for the next seven days. I figure that I can do anything for a week. At that time I can see how I feel, what the scales show and if I think this particular plan works for me. If it's not working, then I can change it up and figure out if I need to scale back more on the portions or add to the workouts. At any rate....it is a start and without a starting point, you can't take the next best step in the direction you need to be going.

The world doesn't appear that it is going to be settling down at all any time soon and with all that is going on, it would be very easy to succumb to the negativity both mentally and physically. The bottom line though is that the world is not responsible for taking care of me. That is my journey, my obligation and my choice as to whether I want to be the best me I can be or if I want to be a reflection of how unhealthy the world currently is. Only I can change me....so let's see what happens.  

Taking the Ick Factor Out of the Five Year Test

Fear. I know the feeling well. The fear of illness is currently one of the top five fears in the world. It is not so much the fear of catching something and recovering, it is the fear of catching something and ultimately succumbing to it. The fear of something catching us off guard and changing both our long term and short term plans for our lives can literally be debilitating.

Funny, but during this whole COVID-19 thing, I have never felt fear. Maybe it is because I have done my research and know what to look for and have a plan of action for both myself and my family should it become a reality in my home. I am also aware, that while statistically my special needs son would be at the greatest risk if COVID made its way into my house, I am likewise aware that as a whole, my family is not at great risk for dying from it. Truthfully, at least in my world, there are many illnesses out there that are far scarier and far more life threatening to myself and my family. We have a family blood line full of Lupus and other various and no less treacherous auto immune diseases as well as an active cancer gene(s) that has made its way through, randomly effecting some while  bypassing others.

Today though, I am here to talk about cancer and one cancer in particular.....colon cancer. Now cancer in and of itself, is an indiscriminate bully. It does not care what color you are, what ethnicity you are, how rich you are or how well you think you take care of yourself. And while it does tend to have a slightly higher tenancy in men than women, it is not gender exclusive.

Getting older, while a gift......as not everyone is afforded the privilege, it is not without its speed bumps and even a few giant hurdles. As our body ages, so do our cells, vessels, bones and organs and our bodies become far more susceptible to injury and disease. To stay on top of this susceptibility, starting at about 40, we have to start putting our bodies through testing that at times "feel" nearly as awful as the disease we are trying to stay on top of.

At 50, if we have had no major health issues prior and we aren't aware of any major family history of colon cancer, then most people are advised by their doctors to have a colonoscopy every five years. As preventative tests go, it is one of the more unpleasant ones, but also one of the most life saving tests you can have. But I'll talk more about that in a moment. For now, I will tell you what brought me to write this particular blog piece.

Last week, in the throws of all the COVID-19 lock down stuff, I had a scare. And under the mantle of too much information, I will tell you that the scare was blood in my stool. I dare to be so open about this because often people don't know what they need to be looking for so they ignore signs and symptoms. Because of my family history, I knew that this was something I needed to discuss with my doctor. It was funny too, because my last colonoscopy was in 2015 and I knew it was time for another one, but my plan was to wait until the lock down was over. Apparently God and my doctor felt differently.

After several days of having bright red blood and no knowledge of hemorrhoids or any other such issue, I decided that I better call my colorectal specialist (if you have heavy cancer in your family....you have one of those). His receptionist said that with the lock down, he was only doing emergency surgeries until June, but she wanted to check with him before scheduling me. Within a few minutes his nurse called me back and I was on the schedule for April 15th. There was something ironic about it being tax day....don't you agree?

Now here is where I tell you, if you haven't already experienced it, that when you have an issue that makes you concerned about having cancer and you are waiting on testing or results, it can take a toll on you mentally and emotionally. Most of us have known or loved someone with cancer and that is not a road any of us wishes to go down if we can keep from it.

Since this was not my first cancer scare, and with everything else going on in the world right now, I diligently and deliberately focused my attention on all that I could control in my life and left what I couldn't control to God. The week went by fairly quickly but as the day drew closer, fear did creep in here and there....after all I am human. Now THIS is where I am going to interject and say that many cancers, and especially colon cancer, are not caught early because of fear. 

No one wants to get a cancer diagnosis, but a stage one or two cancer diagnosis, where the cancer is caught early and is far more treatable is much preferable, than a stage three or four diagnosis where doctors are working against time and a disease that is continually progressing and the odds are much less in your favor. However, even with this rational reasoning, fear is irrational and sometimes it is the irrationality of the fear that keeps people from getting tested and staying on top of their health. They live by a "what I don't know won't hurt me," mentality when just the opposite can be very true. Fear is a powerful immobilizer and in this case.....fear can kill you. 

Another reason that many put off or refuse testing for colon cancer is because of the test itself. Let's face it, it is not a test we really want to think about or talk about and if you have never had one, but only heard horror stories, then stepping up to the plate that first time can be almost as scary as the cancer itself. So let's do some real talk here.

First of all let me say that I totally get the ick factor in all of this. The truth is, we ALL have rectums and colons and many people out there have issues relating to both. We all poop! We also all have issues one way or another with pooping at some point in our lives and if we take care of ourselves like we are supposed to, by the time we turn 51, ALL of us should know what a colonoscopy is all about. Sadly, though, that is not the case, so maybe by writing this, I can take some of the grossness out of this, some of the fear and some of the stigma out of talking about colorectal disease.

Just an FYI, colonoscopies not only detect cancer, but they also detect a myriad of other diseases that can mess with your stomach, your bowels and your over all health. For some, colonoscopies start when the individual is much younger than 50, in the hopes of detecting irritable bowel syndrome, gluten disease and diverticulitis to name a few. Colonoscopies are also started earlier than 50 when there is an alarming rate of colon cancer in your close family tree or if you have done genetic testing and you have been found to have the colon cancer gene (there will likely be more on that in another blog piece at another time.) Normally though, in a normally healthy individual, colonoscopies begin at 50 and are done every 5 years after that until the age of 80 and from there, as prescribed by the doctor.

So you have heard the horror stories about the dreaded colonoscopy, but what are the facts? The facts are that the worst part of the scope is not the procedure at all, but the prep for the procedure. In order to have a colonoscopy, as you can well imagine, your colon must be clean and clear. This means that what is in there, must come out. About noon the day prior to your procedure, you start on clear liquids, no food and absolutely nothing RED to drink. Then about 6 p.m. and then again at 9 p.m.,  you get some truly nasty crap to drink. Mine came in two bottles. You mixed the bottles with 16 oz of water and had to drink it at the respective times. You are basically drinking the most awful tasting laxative of your life. The reaction time from drinking to making yourself comfortable on the toilet is about 30 minutes and depending on what resides in your colon, this can last from several hours to the entire night. Now while unpleasant (diarrhea is never fun), this part isn't too bad. A few magazines, a good book or a well charged cell phone and you just wait it out. The absolute worst part though is the ingesting of that laxative. For me, the first bottle went down okay, but the second was a bit dicier as I was worried that there would be puking involved too. What I figured out on the second one was that since you can't just shoot 16 oz like a shot, you can spread out the large gulps over about half an hour and if you drink water in between each gulp, it makes it much easier. Once the laxative is down, the worst is over. 

By the time you head to your procedure appointment, your colon is clean and other than feeling a bit dehydrated, you really don't feel too bad. They usually have you arrive an hour before your procedure and make sure you have someone to drive you home as you are under anesthesia for the procedure. Once there, they bring you back and have you strip completely naked and put on a gown. They then take you to pre-op where they administer an IV and also some fluids to replace what you have lost. Now for those of you who panic at needles, there is no real easy way around this, but I will say that most of the nurses who start IV's for surgeries are very good at what they do and the stick is far less painful than you might imagine.

Once the IV is in and the fluids are going, you simply lay there and wait your turn. When they wheel you back, they turn you on your side and the anesthetist says.............  I have no idea what they say because I am usually out by then. In what feels like seconds you are waking up back in post op and the doctor has already filled your driver in on the health of your colon. From that point you wake up, get dressed and go home. They recommend you eat and drink light for the rest of the day and by the next day, it's like nothing ever happened. And THAT my friends is a colonoscopy. 

During the procedure, they will be looking for polyps or lesions that could be cancerous. They will usually remove any polyps they find during the procedure and biopsy any lesions they find. All are sent for pathology and in cases such as this, you may have a delay in your diagnosis. In most cases though, the procedure lasts about 30 minutes and you have results before you walk out. Blessedly, my case turned out to be diverticulitis (an inflammation of the bowel) which had caused the bleeding. It is a light case and easily treatable. Had it been something more though, since in most cases colon cancer is slow growing and since I am fastidious about getting my testing done, I would likely have caught it early and it would have been very treatable.

So yeah, getting older in some cases sucks, but knowledge is power and taking control of your own health and being pro-active can be the difference literally between life and death. I truly hope that for those of you who have never had the test and didn't feel comfortable talking about it with others, that this has helped you. For those that are putting it off, STOP! It is a few hours of discomfort for five years of peace of mind.

If you want more information about colorectal cancers, the disease, the statistics and the facts, please check out the American Cancer Society on Colorectal Cancer. I hope you will take this to heart and take care of you and share this to help take care of others because......CANCER SUCKS!