Taking the Ick Factor Out of the Five Year Test

Fear. I know the feeling well. The fear of illness is currently one of the top five fears in the world. It is not so much the fear of catching something and recovering, it is the fear of catching something and ultimately succumbing to it. The fear of something catching us off guard and changing both our long term and short term plans for our lives can literally be debilitating.

Funny, but during this whole COVID-19 thing, I have never felt fear. Maybe it is because I have done my research and know what to look for and have a plan of action for both myself and my family should it become a reality in my home. I am also aware, that while statistically my special needs son would be at the greatest risk if COVID made its way into my house, I am likewise aware that as a whole, my family is not at great risk for dying from it. Truthfully, at least in my world, there are many illnesses out there that are far scarier and far more life threatening to myself and my family. We have a family blood line full of Lupus and other various and no less treacherous auto immune diseases as well as an active cancer gene(s) that has made its way through, randomly effecting some while  bypassing others.

Today though, I am here to talk about cancer and one cancer in particular.....colon cancer. Now cancer in and of itself, is an indiscriminate bully. It does not care what color you are, what ethnicity you are, how rich you are or how well you think you take care of yourself. And while it does tend to have a slightly higher tenancy in men than women, it is not gender exclusive.

Getting older, while a gift......as not everyone is afforded the privilege, it is not without its speed bumps and even a few giant hurdles. As our body ages, so do our cells, vessels, bones and organs and our bodies become far more susceptible to injury and disease. To stay on top of this susceptibility, starting at about 40, we have to start putting our bodies through testing that at times "feel" nearly as awful as the disease we are trying to stay on top of.

At 50, if we have had no major health issues prior and we aren't aware of any major family history of colon cancer, then most people are advised by their doctors to have a colonoscopy every five years. As preventative tests go, it is one of the more unpleasant ones, but also one of the most life saving tests you can have. But I'll talk more about that in a moment. For now, I will tell you what brought me to write this particular blog piece.

Last week, in the throws of all the COVID-19 lock down stuff, I had a scare. And under the mantle of too much information, I will tell you that the scare was blood in my stool. I dare to be so open about this because often people don't know what they need to be looking for so they ignore signs and symptoms. Because of my family history, I knew that this was something I needed to discuss with my doctor. It was funny too, because my last colonoscopy was in 2015 and I knew it was time for another one, but my plan was to wait until the lock down was over. Apparently God and my doctor felt differently.

After several days of having bright red blood and no knowledge of hemorrhoids or any other such issue, I decided that I better call my colorectal specialist (if you have heavy cancer in your family....you have one of those). His receptionist said that with the lock down, he was only doing emergency surgeries until June, but she wanted to check with him before scheduling me. Within a few minutes his nurse called me back and I was on the schedule for April 15th. There was something ironic about it being tax day....don't you agree?

Now here is where I tell you, if you haven't already experienced it, that when you have an issue that makes you concerned about having cancer and you are waiting on testing or results, it can take a toll on you mentally and emotionally. Most of us have known or loved someone with cancer and that is not a road any of us wishes to go down if we can keep from it.

Since this was not my first cancer scare, and with everything else going on in the world right now, I diligently and deliberately focused my attention on all that I could control in my life and left what I couldn't control to God. The week went by fairly quickly but as the day drew closer, fear did creep in here and there....after all I am human. Now THIS is where I am going to interject and say that many cancers, and especially colon cancer, are not caught early because of fear. 

No one wants to get a cancer diagnosis, but a stage one or two cancer diagnosis, where the cancer is caught early and is far more treatable is much preferable, than a stage three or four diagnosis where doctors are working against time and a disease that is continually progressing and the odds are much less in your favor. However, even with this rational reasoning, fear is irrational and sometimes it is the irrationality of the fear that keeps people from getting tested and staying on top of their health. They live by a "what I don't know won't hurt me," mentality when just the opposite can be very true. Fear is a powerful immobilizer and in this case.....fear can kill you. 

Another reason that many put off or refuse testing for colon cancer is because of the test itself. Let's face it, it is not a test we really want to think about or talk about and if you have never had one, but only heard horror stories, then stepping up to the plate that first time can be almost as scary as the cancer itself. So let's do some real talk here.

First of all let me say that I totally get the ick factor in all of this. The truth is, we ALL have rectums and colons and many people out there have issues relating to both. We all poop! We also all have issues one way or another with pooping at some point in our lives and if we take care of ourselves like we are supposed to, by the time we turn 51, ALL of us should know what a colonoscopy is all about. Sadly, though, that is not the case, so maybe by writing this, I can take some of the grossness out of this, some of the fear and some of the stigma out of talking about colorectal disease.

Just an FYI, colonoscopies not only detect cancer, but they also detect a myriad of other diseases that can mess with your stomach, your bowels and your over all health. For some, colonoscopies start when the individual is much younger than 50, in the hopes of detecting irritable bowel syndrome, gluten disease and diverticulitis to name a few. Colonoscopies are also started earlier than 50 when there is an alarming rate of colon cancer in your close family tree or if you have done genetic testing and you have been found to have the colon cancer gene (there will likely be more on that in another blog piece at another time.) Normally though, in a normally healthy individual, colonoscopies begin at 50 and are done every 5 years after that until the age of 80 and from there, as prescribed by the doctor.

So you have heard the horror stories about the dreaded colonoscopy, but what are the facts? The facts are that the worst part of the scope is not the procedure at all, but the prep for the procedure. In order to have a colonoscopy, as you can well imagine, your colon must be clean and clear. This means that what is in there, must come out. About noon the day prior to your procedure, you start on clear liquids, no food and absolutely nothing RED to drink. Then about 6 p.m. and then again at 9 p.m.,  you get some truly nasty crap to drink. Mine came in two bottles. You mixed the bottles with 16 oz of water and had to drink it at the respective times. You are basically drinking the most awful tasting laxative of your life. The reaction time from drinking to making yourself comfortable on the toilet is about 30 minutes and depending on what resides in your colon, this can last from several hours to the entire night. Now while unpleasant (diarrhea is never fun), this part isn't too bad. A few magazines, a good book or a well charged cell phone and you just wait it out. The absolute worst part though is the ingesting of that laxative. For me, the first bottle went down okay, but the second was a bit dicier as I was worried that there would be puking involved too. What I figured out on the second one was that since you can't just shoot 16 oz like a shot, you can spread out the large gulps over about half an hour and if you drink water in between each gulp, it makes it much easier. Once the laxative is down, the worst is over. 

By the time you head to your procedure appointment, your colon is clean and other than feeling a bit dehydrated, you really don't feel too bad. They usually have you arrive an hour before your procedure and make sure you have someone to drive you home as you are under anesthesia for the procedure. Once there, they bring you back and have you strip completely naked and put on a gown. They then take you to pre-op where they administer an IV and also some fluids to replace what you have lost. Now for those of you who panic at needles, there is no real easy way around this, but I will say that most of the nurses who start IV's for surgeries are very good at what they do and the stick is far less painful than you might imagine.

Once the IV is in and the fluids are going, you simply lay there and wait your turn. When they wheel you back, they turn you on your side and the anesthetist says.............  I have no idea what they say because I am usually out by then. In what feels like seconds you are waking up back in post op and the doctor has already filled your driver in on the health of your colon. From that point you wake up, get dressed and go home. They recommend you eat and drink light for the rest of the day and by the next day, it's like nothing ever happened. And THAT my friends is a colonoscopy. 

During the procedure, they will be looking for polyps or lesions that could be cancerous. They will usually remove any polyps they find during the procedure and biopsy any lesions they find. All are sent for pathology and in cases such as this, you may have a delay in your diagnosis. In most cases though, the procedure lasts about 30 minutes and you have results before you walk out. Blessedly, my case turned out to be diverticulitis (an inflammation of the bowel) which had caused the bleeding. It is a light case and easily treatable. Had it been something more though, since in most cases colon cancer is slow growing and since I am fastidious about getting my testing done, I would likely have caught it early and it would have been very treatable.

So yeah, getting older in some cases sucks, but knowledge is power and taking control of your own health and being pro-active can be the difference literally between life and death. I truly hope that for those of you who have never had the test and didn't feel comfortable talking about it with others, that this has helped you. For those that are putting it off, STOP! It is a few hours of discomfort for five years of peace of mind.

If you want more information about colorectal cancers, the disease, the statistics and the facts, please check out the American Cancer Society on Colorectal Cancer. I hope you will take this to heart and take care of you and share this to help take care of others because......CANCER SUCKS!

So......I Did a Thing!

I haven't given this blog much love recently. Well, today's topic seemed to fit on my health and wellness blog just right.

So....I did a thing. Before I fully disclose though, I need to give you a bit of a back story.

I was born in the 1960's and in my opinion.....dental care in my part of the country between the late 1950's and the early 1980's was little better than that in current England. Now I could be wrong, but my experiences with the dental profession have not always been anything to write home about.

As a kid, I was sick a lot with asthma which usually went into bronchitis and often times pneumonia. I was pumped full of medication from about the age of two, up until my late teens. These medications were not great for my teeth as some leached calcium and others just literally destroyed them with cavities regardless of the three times a day I brushed or the avoidance of sweets. To top it all off, the cavities I seemed to have developed every six months were filled with big silver fillings that stuck out like a sore thumb and I learned later in life, would cause the tooth to eventually break around the filling.

As I grew into an adult, my teeth became less and less a reason to smile. Now, I am not blaming it all on dentistry or meds, because every time I was pregnant, one of my favorite cravings was ice. No...not the crushed stuff, but actual cubes which I could chomp on. Four pregnancies later and my teeth had tiny fractures developing all through them. Apparently what vintage dentistry and pharmaceuticals didn't kill in my teeth, my ice chomping finished off.

In the last few years, my teeth have become a nightmare. I have lost teeth and done the whole partial thing and spent literally thousands of dollars trying to keep what I had in tact. Recently though, my partial (which is a story all it's own) started breaking off. My mouth was in constant pain and I was having roots of my teeth growing almost into my sinuses. It has been miserable to say the least.

Living on a very limited income, my needs usually come a very distant last, but when you are in constant pain and being told that the constant infections your teeth are causing can cause life threatening outcomes, I had to pull myself up the priority line. After calling around, I found that even with my dental insurance, the work I was needing was going to cost anywhere between $3000 and $5000 and this simply was not even a possibility. Of course though, neither was dying because I left my tooth infection unattended. Finally, one of the dentist offices I talked to gave me the name of a dental facility that was for low income and worked on a sliding fee, so I made an appointment.

Now, this dentist I saw was awesome. She was a young woman not too many years out of dental school with a great seat side manner who seemed very knowledgeable with a gentle touch. After much consultation, it was brought to my attention that even on a sliding scale, filling in my spaces and fixing my partial was going to be far more than I could afford. It was also going to be a situation that even if fixed, it would not keep the rest of my teeth from needing further work and attention and costing me more. The bottom line....the most cost effective thing to do for my teeth was to simply pull them all and get dentures. It about made me cry but realistically and financially this was what it came down to. Neither the dentist nor I were 100% happy with this idea, because she said my gums were still in okay shape and my bone was great and as far as I was concerned, I wasn't ready to turn into my grandmother who was constantly hunting her teeth and scaring small children while she was looking. Okay....me! I was the small child she scared.

There was also the fact that even though dentures were the most cost effective, long term way to go, even on a sliding scale, it was going to be pricey. Luckily the offset would be that I would not be eating for awhile, so I could save some money there. Right?

So yeah.....that thing I did.....I decided to get dentures. 

When I make a decision such as this, I have learned that the longer I think about it, the less apt I am to carry through and since this was a long term health affecting situation, I didn't really have the luxury of time to mull it over. I did do a little research and talked to my dentist in depth. She said that they would start with my top teeth since my bottom ones were still okay for now. They would pull all of the teeth and then give them six weeks to heal and then fit me with dentures and it would be another four to six weeks before I got them. I talked to others who had done this and a few suggested I be fit with a healing plate as soon as my teeth were pulled, as this would keep my gums from shrinking and be easier on me in the long run. It sounded good to me. I talked this over with my dentist and she said they didn't do the healing plates for a multitude of reasons but I think the biggest reason was cost. She did give me the name of other dentists I could go to if I wanted a healing plate. I called and the whole procedure would cost two to three times what I was already paying and the healing plate alone would be an extra $800-$1500. So no healing plate for this gal.

Thursday January 30th was the day. I went in, sat down and prepared to lose all my upper teeth, my smile, my ability to say words without a lisp and perhaps some dignity in the process.

The procedure began with 14 deadening shots. Nine were on the outside and five were behind the teeth on the upper palette. May I just say, I have not had much in life physically that hurt worse than those last five. I don't usually cry at pain, but those suckers almost made me. Once I was good and deadened, the extractions began. There was no pain, but there was a lot of tugging, pulling, pressure and the horrid smell of burning enamel and cauterized flesh. The process took about 90 minutes and as I walked out with a prescription for 10 tramadol and a mouthful of gauze, it was a given that talking would be out of the question for the next 24 hours.

I did okay the first few days and even realized that I could care less if people saw me without upper teeth or not. Who knew? I am not nearly as vain as I thought I might be. The real issue around other people for me though, has been my ability to speak. I can't speak well and therefore, I try hard not to speak at all.

By the end of the first week, things were beginning to change and I started having more and more pain and bending over or cold air hitting my gums was excruciating. The roof of my mouth had started swelling and I was developing sore spots everywhere I had been stuck with the needle on my palette. They then began to start breaking open. I called the dentist and was started on antibiotics. The pain did not leave and I was not sleeping and by around 3 p.m. every day, my mouth would be throbbing. I was fast becoming a royal bitch and no one....including myself wanted to be around me. My pain meds were long gone and I was surviving on ibuprofen and tylenol. Four days later, the infection was obviously still a thing and the pain was worse so I ended up in the ER.  I had absesses where the five needle marks were. They ended up giving me a second antibiotic and said the infection was causing the pain. Lose the infection and the pain will be better. Sigh......

Today, I think it is beginning to be better. I can tell that the gums are starting to heal and although I still feel pain in my face and jaw, the swelling in the top of my mouth seems to be better. Perhaps we are now moving in the right direction.

If there is an upside to all of this, it might be that this is the most effective diet I have ever been on. I can't eat and even if I could, I likely wouldn't because the infection makes everything taste awful. I am surviving on water, the occasional smoothy and broth. I am sure as the pain subsides, other soft foods will be okay and taste better, but for now.....the I Have No Teeth and an Infection Diet are working wonders for my thighs.

In about a month, I will go back into the dentist and they will fit me for my dentures. It will be another chunk of sliding scale change up front and then I will get my dentures in another four to six weeks. I am told that the fun will not be over just then though. There will be trial and error once I get my new dentures as to the fit and my ability to learn to hold them in place, so actual eating may still be awhile off.

The dentist said after my dentures are where and how they need to fit, we may then have to talk about doing the bottom teeth. Wow! I just don't know. Perhaps though, if I end up being able to smile and talk again....not to mention eat, I may very well have a bottom set of dentures in my future. For now though.....we'll just wait and see.

So yeah.....I did a thing. I will keep you updated!

Two Weeks In

So you have decided to change your life. You want to eat better, sleep better and just all the way around be healthier. Yeah....me too! Right now though, I am not just in the "I want stage" but I am in the actively proceeding forward, "I am doing it" stage.

A little over two weeks ago, I decided that I was going to give Trim Healthy Mama another go and I was going to see what I could achieve to better my health, my joy and my life. I knew THM would work....if I worked it. After all THM didn't quit on me.....I quit on it and more importantly, I had quit on myself. So here we are.

This time around, since I am not as much of a novice where THM is concerned, instead of focusing on how actually to work the program, I am focusing on how I feel and how to best tweak the program to work for me personally. Yes, that is the beauty of THM, there is leeway there to let you make the program work for you. Of course, you have to be mindful of your body and your health and pay attention to how eating, drinking and moving differently affects you personally. Then it is as simple as keeping what works for you and putting what currently doesn't on the back burner. I say put it on the back burner, because what I have learned about THM is, that just because something doesn't work for you in the here and now, doesn't mean that later on it won't be just what you need.

As I stated above, this time around, I am much more familiar with the program and how it works, so I am able to be a little more experimental. One thing that I notice, that I think I touched on in another blog post was that, as you become more entrenched in the program, your taste buds change. At least mine did. I remember when I first started out, things like apple cider vinegar in my drinks, mashed cauliflower, and the different breads made without white or wheat flour tasted off and admittedly, not appetizing at all. The fact that sugar was a no no, forced me to take out stock in Truvia as it was the only sweetener I could stand and I had to have a ton of it in everything. Things like Gentle Sweet and Super Sweet were not in the least appealing to me. Now though, here I stand today to tell you that I live on Good Girl Moonshine with yes....apple cider vinegar, I eat cauliflower in all forms and put it into just about everything and although I am still not a fan of some of the breads, I can eat them and I have grown a real affinity for sprouted bread. As for my sugar addiction....once again it is under control and I have grown a true appreciation for Gentle Sweet and Super Sweet as I have learned to use them in my cooking. I also no longer feel the need to add as much Stevia either and have lowered my intake dramatically.

This time around, I am also taking advantage of my THM cookbooks and trying different recipes such as Reuben in a Bowl as well as going back to some of my families favorites like Egg Roll in a Bowl. I am also learning  as I have stated before, that by doing a little planning ahead, making a weekly menu and a reciprocating grocery list, that I am cutting way down on our food bill as well as waste. Also, most of these recipes make enough that there is plenty left over for lunches or to freeze for future meals. It cuts down on the impulses to go grab fast food because you are tired and by using your crock pot and/or Instantpot, you save a great deal of time in the kitchen.

So since starting back on THM on January 13th, as of today I have lost 4.8 pounds. Of course the first week is when I lost a big part of that, as not only was I eating better, but I also started drinking more water, which always flushes the system and sets your body up for success. Also, without getting too graphic or throwing out TMI, when we don't eat and drink well, our bodies don't process well. Our systems don't function efficiently from sleep to flushing waste from our bodies. Too much sugar, fat and carbs together and not enough vegetables and healthy fats can cause our systems and our metabolism to slow down to nothing. We can feel like slugs moving through our day. Once back on THM though, I could feel everything starting to work properly again and I was functioning better, enjoying my food more, sleeping better and just all around feeling better. So while the weight loss is nice, the NSV's that are associated with all of this are sometimes even better.

NSV's you ask? NSV's are non-scale victories. While the numbers on the scale might be my goal, the NSV's are what will actually keep me motivated between weigh-in's and help me to stay focused on what is important in all of this.....me and my health. From time to time you may notice me putting far more emphasis on the NSV's in my life than on the numbers and that is the way I feel it should be. In fact, in my opinion, the NSV's have far more value to me than the numbers ever will.

In the little more than two weeks I have been doing this, my blood pressure numbers are also getting better, but I am still not where I want them to be and I refuse to rely solely on medication to get me there. After all....my end game is to be off blood pressure medication altogether (another important NSV for me). As I have been focused on getting back into the swing of eating these last weeks, starting this week, I plan on adding some movement and dare I say exercise into the mix. I had already started doing some very light yoga in the morning and in the evening and it does help how I function throughout the day and sleep at night, but this week there will be walking. We shall see how that goes in the days to come.

The one thing that I have learned through my past on THM and through my life in the last year is that......any goal is achievable if I want it badly enough and am willing to work for it. I have also learned the valuable lesson that I can do nothing without help from my Higher Power, meaning that when I am weak of will, He will pull me through....all I have to do is ask. I am also fully aware that in order to change things, I must be willing to put in the work and love myself enough to want the best for me. I can't do anything for someone else. I MUST do it for me. And finally, I can't eat an elephant in one bite, but I can eat him one bite at a time. In other words, I will not lose 100 lbs, be healthy and feel great in a week. However, if I take it one step at a time, one meal at a time and one NSV at a time, I will not only reach my goals, but quite possibly exceed them.

So there you have it. I am two weeks in and still going strong. Yay me and yay THM!

Until next time.........

Some of the Things I Like About THM

My apologies to any Trim Healthy Mama pages that I might have offended or broken their rules with my last blog about the challenge I was doing. It was not my intention and I promise to be more careful going forward.

Getting back on the old THM horse has been really good for me. Even though it has only been a few days, I can tell I am feeling better and I haven't had a flair up of acid reflux at all. That in itself is a blessing.

And before we go any further, let me just say how much I LOVE the THM mantra....Keep it simple, keep it sane. How great is that? This has been my emerging plan for my life for awhile, but then to find it in my eating program too....how could I possibly align myself with any other eating plan?

Now moving on....since it is a new year and many are just beginning THM for the first time, I thought I would share a few things that I personally have learned about THM. Many beginners start out very curious about Good Girl Moonshine and it seems when people try it for the first time there are often mixed reviews. Something I have learned about eating (and drinking) the THM way is that our taste buds seem to change while on plan(for the better) and more importantly, everything can be adjusted to our own individual taste. I was always a Diet Mt. Dew girl. I drank tons of it. The first GGMS I ever tried was one I saw on Pinterest which I believe was called something like "Just Like Mt. Dew". This drink totally saved me when coming off of my long and faithful addiction to the Dew. I know that many are thrown by the apple cider vinegar, but trust me, after a while, you won't be able to drink a GGMS without it...and even better, soda's and diet soda's simply won't taste right to you anymore. At least that is how it has worked out for me.

Another tried and true THM drink, The Singing Canary, is something I can't live without. It also is an acquired taste but in the summertime there is something so thirst quenching about it and in the winter, it helps to keep my immune system boosted and keep me healthy. It has become a drink that I drink at least three times per week year round and the health benefits are worth every sip.

Tumeric (yes the spice) has become one of my daily go to's. I had actually started adding tumeric back into my diet several weeks ago, as I was having a lot of pain in my back and shoulders. I had done a lot of reading and found that it can really help with muscle and joint inflammation and pain. My Singing Canary calls for tumeric, but I have also started adding it to different dishes I make and then before bed, I have a cup of tumeric tea. I have noticed that my back and especially my shoulders are much better.

The one draw back I find to living the THM life is that I spend a great deal of time in the kitchen both cooking and cleaning up. I do a lot of dishes every day and find myself very grateful for my dishwasher. On the upside of things, spending all that time cooking, I know how every dish I make is prepared and I know the exact ingredients of everything. It is much healthier for all of us and there is no worry that unhealthy or allergy causing agents will be in our food.

One absolute huge positive of doing the THM program is that my grocery bill has actually gone down. When I knew that I was going to be back on THM, I went to the THM website and purchased a large size protein powder, gentle sweet, super sweet and baking blend. Those I knew would be staples I needed to always have on hand. Now, I just make a weekly menu with recipes from the THM books and from Pinterest and then I buy only the things I need for that week. Gone are the shopping carts full of junk food, processed foods, frozen meals and soda. I make a list, stick to it and I shop at Aldi and Walmart. My grocery bill now stays much lower and we have little to no waste because I am not buying large quantities. It has been working out really well.

The advantages and benefits of doing THM,  far outweigh having to do a little more cooking or a few extra dishes. In fact, I personally find that it makes me much more aware of what I am putting into my body and how those foods are affecting it. Eating right and avoiding all the sugar has helped me to cut down on my migraines and I don't feel the bloat and discomfort that is often felt with overeating or by just simply eating the wrong foods. I walk away from the table feeling full and although snacks are encouraged because we eat every three hours, I often find snacks difficult, as I am not hungry enough for a snack when that time rolls around.

If you are new to THM and just starting to get your feet wet, I highly suggest that even if you can't be on plan 100% of the time, that you try to stay on at least 50% and gradually allow the unhealthy foods like sugars to slowly fall out of your daily intake. I know that if you stick with it, you will be glad you did.

Well, I am off to have a breakfast of THM pancakes and my Singing Canary. Hope you all have a fabulous day.

Until next time............

Let The Challenge Begin

So today begins a new challenge. A Trim Healthy Mama challenge that is. I am truly excited and ready to go. The first time I lost a substantial amount of weight and realized that this 50 something mom and grandma could actually lose weight, was through a THM challenge. Of course when life got tough, I quit putting the work in and I quit feeling that I deserved the benefits of a healthy life and before I knew it, I was once again hitting the bottle (the diet mt. dew bottle that is), carbs and fats were freely mixing and I was stress eating over everything from what was happening on the Young and the Restless, to what was going on in real life.

Now, here I am again with the keys to the kingdom of health and this time....I hope to prove to myself once again, that I can do this and that I am worth it. This time, I have a little more understanding about myself and I am a lot more motivated than I have been in the past. My health has become a huge motivator ever since my blood pressure started to rise and I had to be put on medication for it. I promised myself that it was going to be a short term fix, as I vowed to myself to lose the weight so I could lose the medication.

I also have been dealing for years with GERD or acid reflux disease. Again, I am on medication for this ailment and if I don't take it religiously, I suffer horribly. Even sometimes taking it faithfully doesn't help if I eat too late or eat the wrong foods. I will find myself awakened from a sound sleep about 2 a.m., gagging and choking with my throat and esophagus feeling as if they are literally on fire. My doctor told me that if I lose the weight I could  cut these issues down to almost nothing. I am also anxious to cut down on the medication for this disease too, as it is being proclaimed to cause dementia. Not something I want to have to deal with down the road.

So this particular challenge will run from today through January 31st. It is a short challenge in that it is only 19 days long, but there is a certain beauty in that. Most anyone can do anything for 19 days and it is a great way to dip my toes back into the full on THM program and remind myself just how good I feel on this plan.

This challenge is run by Chrissy Benoit through The (THM) Challenge Group page. In this particular challenge, we have to eat 100% on plan with few or no crossovers. We must exercise at least 15 minutes/day at least four days per week and we must eat at the table without the distraction of computer, phone or tv. OH....and there is one more thing which I think is so cool and I have never done before. We have to make a vision board. 

I have always loved the idea of a vision board, but I have just never done one. So....I decided if I was going to be all in on this challenge....that I was going to be....all in. I made my vision board yesterday It is the picture that is at the top of this blog post. I had no idea how to make a vision board, so I decided to go to my favorite internet spot (YouTube) and I found a video that showed me exactly how to do it. Not only did I make it, but I also went to Walgreens and printed it off and found a frame for it. It will be the first thing I see each day and hopefully the motivation I need to help me see my way through this challenge.

Going into this, I have no big numbers in mind and no outlandish goals. I have the guidelines set for the challenge and my only hope is to take it one day at a time and stick as closely to the rules as possible. Then we will see where I am and how I feel on the 31st.

If you too want to get back on the wagon and start not only looking better but feeling better, head on over to The Challenge Group and get on board. It's not too late and just think, 19 days from now you are going to be so glad you did.

Until next time........

This Fat Girl Can't Do Yoga

This fat girl can't do yoga! Now before everyone gets upset and starts saying that I am "fat" shaming myself, let me stop you right there. First of all I am not. I am stating facts. I am the f-word. If you want to be technical, according to my weight app, I am "Obese class II". Fat in my book sounds so much better. Fat can be worked on and changed. Obese is a medical term that sounds like a disease that I might never recover from. In my head, fat I can do something about, obese....maybe not. So no shaming here at all. I am not ashamed, simply determined.

I have had great success with Trim Healthy Mama in the past, but it is not a miracle cure that once I lose the weight it stays gone. Just like anything in this life, it takes work and effort. Even though I felt great and my doctor was over the moon at all of my numbers and my overall health when I was working the plan, when I gave up on me and started eating unhealthy, chemically enhanced junk again and quit making myself a priority, the weight and the health issues came back with a vengeance. So what's a girl to do? I can either be Obese class II girl (or worse) or I can do what I know will work and what will get me healthy again. I can make myself and my health a priority.

Back in November, I started having blood pressure problems. Granted, some of it was due to stress but a lot of it was due to the way I was eating and the fact that although my life was busy, exercise was not a part of my routine. I ended up on blood pressure medication, but in my head I told myself that this was not going to be my life. My doctor even told me if I lost the weight, the blood pressure would come down and when that happened, he would gladly take me off the medication. Cool. Along with the blood pressure issue though, other parts of my body were starting to suffer from age, inactivity and the wrong kind of activity. I was starting to have real trouble with my back, shoulders and neck. I knew this trouble was coming from the constant lifting of my 18 year old special needs son. He is now nearly as tall as I am and weighs about 90 lbs. The fact that I don't do any real exercise, but then I lift him and his wheelchair multiple times a day puts me in the high risk category for destroying my muscles and joints, not to mention breaking bones. Any or all of this could put me out of commission for some time to come and make me useless as my sons caregiver. Yes, it is time to do something.

My doctor has suggested strength training for me. Being the stubborn person I am though, I am just not ready to step into a gym yet. I also am a control freak and feel like I can do it ALL myself so I am not ready to give up the possibility of home workouts until I have tried them and given them a fair shot. Thus came the idea of yoga. I have heard so many people with chronic conditions such as fibromyalgia or people who simply can't do regular exercise sing the praises of yoga and I knew from everything I read that it would likely help my back and muscles that were desperately in need of stretching and moving in more ways than just dead lifting 90 pounds over and over again. I also figured that yoga would be a nice "gentle" way to start working back into exercise and movement and I even had a plan.

I spent several days on YouTube watching yoga videos and trying to find something that I thought would be easy and effective. I actually found a whole series that I thought would be great. So I got my yoga mat and one day I declared "The day"  and I began. The first video I started with was a 15 minute morning video. It basically stretches you, wakes you up and gets your day started. I LOVED it. It was perfect and it really and truly has helped me with my tight shoulder muscles and my over all feeling of well being. With that being such a success, there was also a nighttime video to do just before bed. WOW! This one was also about 15 minutes long and it was phenomenal for helping me to shut down the day and relax. I am actually sleeping better. Yay! I am now two for two. I had to know that this winning streak was about to end.....and how right I was.

Since the morning and night yoga videos were so amazing, this same lady has 30 days worth of videos called "30 Days of Yoga". If you read up on them, this is supposed to be for anyone (beginner and beyond) and each day teaches you a new set of poses until after 30 days, the thought is that you/me/I should be fairly proficient at yoga. Well, this woman had not let me down so far, so let the Downward Dog begin. Now let me just say, Day #1 was 26 minutes long and I nearly died. No....seriously.....I nearly died. One of the poses she thought my Obese class II (aka fat) body should fold into cut off my air supply and I almost passed out. The only thing that saved me was the thought of my family coming home to find me dead in this less than attractive pose. Getting out of this pose with my body intact was no small feat...but I finally managed it. Then I had to plank. Planking looks far easier when someone who is long and thin does it than when someone is 5'1" and fat does it. I planked for 1/2 a seconded and then hit the mat sweaty and vowing to never eat sugar again. The sad thing was, I was only 4 minutes into the video. I spent the next 22 minutes calling this skinny yoga girl names and feeling sorry for myself because I was fat, sweaty and unable to bend without passing out or hold my own weight up with my toes. How had I come to this? 

Now don't get me wrong, I am NOT bashing yoga. Well, I actually was that day, but in general I am not. I have seen amazing things in myself with the truly beginner stuff in the morning and nighttime videos and I know that in time I will be able to get through more than 5 minutes of these videos and in fact master them, but not yet....and I am okay with that. It is simply a consequence of what I "chose" to do to myself with years of not taking care of myself.

I continue to do my two daily videos and I have gotten back on THM. The eating right alone makes me feel 100% better, but with the life I lead, I also need the exercise and some form of muscle toning/strength training. That being said, like everything else in life, I have to take it one step at a time. Starting on January 13th, Chrissy Benoit who runs the THM Challenge Group page, is starting a new challenge for the new year. I am all over this. I do fairly well with challenges and I hope to succeed yet again with this one. I am also joining my local gym during these winter months so that I can start a regular walking routine that isn't weather constricted (see....I am also working on my control issues too). I have weights at home and bosu ball that I plan to use to start working on my core and  muscle tone and yes I will continue to keep up with my morning and evening yoga and hopefully gradually start my 30 day yoga "challenge" again. I figure at the rate I am going, I should make it through those 30 days in about a year.

The lesson here is that we have to be realistic about who we are and where we are with our health. Saying I am "fat" doesn't mean I am ashamed or devastated by it. What it does mean is that I have an issue that could turn into a "real" life long problem for me if not taken care of and only I can love me enough to fix it. By staying realistic, I am not nearly so apt to deny my situation or let my health fall through the cracks. Reality can be really ugly if we refuse to acknowledge it, but the moment we choose to acknowledge it, is the moment we can take control and choose how to proceed. That's what I am doing.

So the reality is....this fat girl can't do yoga...today. In the tomorrows to come though, I plan to make yoga my b*tch!

Until next time........

The Year of You

So you are sitting on the couch in yoga pants and a t-shirt, wearing house slippers, hair uncombed, teeth unbrushed, no make-up (of course) eating chips and feeling like last years Prada bag (out dated, unwanted and embarrassed to be seen with). Be honest, we have all been there. Some of us are even there now.  Statistically we all usually end up here at least once during the first week of the year. Why? Because January 1st we were gun-ho on a new year, new hope and new body. By day four we realize that this would all be great if we weren't stuck with the same old problems, same old life and same old attitude. Day five we are planted firmly on the couch looking like someone out of the People of Walmart showcase. Sigh....... So how do we stop the insanity of this hamster wheel that seems to rule our life? By simply getting off and refocusing. We got here because we don't think we are worth the time and effort it takes to actually get dressed, comb our hair, brush our teeth and for goodness sake.....throw on a little eye-liner.

Woman to woman, wife to wife and mother to mother we all know that if our husband needed us to help him change his life or if our kids, parents, brothers, sisters or next door neighbors poodle, needed anything, we would be there giving it our all. Haven't we proven this a million times over by getting up with the kids at night so our husbands could sleep or doing over time on a kids project that they were supposed to do a week ago but decided to tell us about the day before? How about the times we have run errands for or taken care of other family members or friends even though we had our own errands, situations, jobs and lives to look after? They became our priority and we kept falling further and further down the ladder. So why can we give 100% for everyone else in the free world but when it comes to ourselves, yoga pants, bad breath and potato chips are the best we can do?

Part of our problem derives from the fact that we live in a "martyr" society where someone sent out a memo that women were always supposed to put literally EVERYONE ahead of themselves. We are nurturers and care givers clear down to our DNA. We are mom's, daughters and wives. All of the people we call family and friends are supposed to come first and we take the leftovers. Sadly, by the time we get to the leftovers, we have nothing left over to give ourselves. And the world just keeps on turning......

Now that we know we are in a rut and kind of sort of why.....how do we change it? We change it by putting ourselves....our own wants, needs and even desires ahead of everyone else for once. Yes, I heard you shutter and murmur..."Well that's just selfish. I can't do that." Some of you may have even been so outraged by what I said that you pulled yourself up off your cross, just long enough to stop reading. For those of you who didn't though.....what I am trying to say is this:  Of course as moms and wives we can't just run off to the Bahama's for a month and enjoy being served fruity drinks with umbrellas by a hunky guy named Benicio. However, we can test the waters of our new found worthiness and give ourselves a week where we "choose" to put ourselves first. So how do we do that you ask?????

Last I heard, marriage and children were a partnership. You are not an evil ogre if you ask your husband to get up with the kids a time or two at night. He after all, did sign the same "for better or worse" document that you did. You are also not the world's worst parent if you tell your child that they need to be more responsible and because they didn't do the project when assigned, they are responsible for the consequences of their grade....not you. I have heard tell that some may look on that last one even, as good parenting (those waters are still a little muddy for me though.) As for the rest of the family, friends and neighbors, you can't always be all things to all people. It is okay to tell your mom that you have your own things to do today but on another day when you are out and about you would love to pick her up an Enquirer and a pack of Camel's or tell your sister that in fact you cannot look after her hyperactive two year old while she goes out for drinks with the girls.  As ridiculous as this all may sound, the fact is, it is very hard for us as women to detach from all the things we think we are supposed to do for other people and bring the focus back to us.

So here's the deal. I challenge you all for one week to give yourself the gift of time for you. Take the time to actually get dressed and groom yourself. (Little fun fact: baby wipes do not equal a shower...ever!). Also, take the time to eat a meal and while you are at the whole meal eating thing, love yourself enough to make it a healthy and energy providing meal. Trim Healthy Mama has many, many healthy snacks and meals that you can prepare almost as quickly as you can an unhealthy and chemically enhanced frozen burrito. Us Drive thru Sues live for these meals. Finally, now that you are taking care of you a bit, do something that gives you a sense of joy and peace just for you. It can be a quick nap while the kids are at school, a nice walk outdoors, reading a book or treating yourself to a pedicure or a massage. Just do something for you that you wouldn't normally do because you are busy doing for everyone else.

What we don't realize is that when we treat and take care of ourselves, we also rejuvenate ourselves. We put a little bounce back into our own step and start feeling like more than just everyone else's go to person. This promotes not only physical well-being, but it also helps us mentally and spiritually. It starts to make us feel whole again and a whole person not only freely gives of themselves but they also freely and joyfully give to themselves.

Well, there you have it. Now get up off that couch, put those chips away and forget about the new years resolutions you have already blown. This year, can still be your year, by taking one step at a time (a shower would be a good first step) and one day at a time. You are worth it and trust me...the real you is there and 2019 is her/your year to shine.

Until next time......